OKAY, okay, all of us muck-raking journalists can crawl back in our holes now. That mystery Tiger Woods car crash is sorted. Sport's first dollar billionaire looks like he'll be fined $164 (that's about £99 in English money) and given four points on his licence for "careless driving".
Forget the fact that, curiously, both front windows on his Cadillac SUV were smashed after he hit a tree and a fire hydrant outside his Florida home at 2.25am on Friday morning. Ignore the 12 hours after that, when we knew nothing of the world's No1 golfer going to hospital under somebody else's name. Rachel Uchitel, the New York glamour girl who follows the golf tour with some gusto, played no part in this. Perish the thought. Swedish supermodel wife Elin may have used his golf buggy and two of his clubs to smash her way into the car. But that was just to save her husband, as she stood over him, unconscious for six minutes after the crash.
And those hoping to see Tiger at his own golf tournament, the Chevron World Challenge, this week will get their money back. He can't make it. It's those "facial lacerations" caused by the crash I guess. The airbags simply didn't deploy.
The truth? Tiger was just driving badly. And not on a golf course - he'd never do that of course.
Maj Cindy Williams from Florida Highway Patrol, one of an increasingly frustrated police delegation who have been refused access to Tiger four times since the crash, says he will not face criminal charges, just a traffic citation for careless driving.
If convicted, Woods faces the merest of slaps on the wrist. Less than £100. And Maj Williams tells us: "Mr Woods has satisfied the requirements of Florida law by providing his driver's licence, registration and proof of insurance to us."
Apparently there is "not enough evidence" to ask for medical evidence or to subpoena Tiger or his club-wielding wife and mother of his two children, who may or may not have been angry about pictures of Ms Uchitel, who lost her fiance in the 9/11 bombings, entering Tiger's hotel in Melbourne, Australia a fortnight ago. We must accept her denials of anything dodgy going on.
And no, indeedy, there were no claims of domestic violence "from any party". Investigation closed. Amazing how easily these things are cleared up if you've won 14 majors. And not many of us are in that category.
So Tiger will be able to complain about our throwing about of "unfounded rumours". And we must explain, in his words: "This situation is my fault, and it's obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again."
And I am absolutely sure there will be not mention of this in a money-spinning biography in future years. Absolutely sure. Investigation closed. I'll go back in my hole.