Football heaven for a Gooner on the Indian Ocean surrounded by Pirates

There's no point pretending. For me, Saturday by the sea in Durban was footballing heaven in a city where the diski sun doesn't always shine (just ask Golden Arrows).




It started early with the Super Rugby Sharks overcoming New Zealand's Crusaders despite red and yellow cards. An historic win to enthuse the locals, of which I was once one in the distant days of Umlazi's Bush Bucks.






Then to the sold out Moses Mabhida Stadium, where all roads were festooned with black and white.



Playing in a record FOURTH cup final this season, the Buccaneers went behind early but fought back to win 3-1 with Kermit Erasmus, a Nedbank Cup final loser with SuperSport United a year ago, the two goal hero.






Then to Europe where my beloved Arsenal, without a trophy since their penalty shoot-out win over Manchester United in 2005, found themselves 2-0 down to lowly Hull City's Tigers after eight minutes at Wembley.






Santi Cazorla crashed home the first response, Laurent Koscielny forced the game in to extra-time and Aaron Ramsey produced the epic winner to send the Gunners home happy and push me to the top of the twitter trends in distant Johannesburg.






And at the same time, Diego Simeone's unfancied Atletico Madrid held Barcelona 1-1 to clinch La Liga with a Champions League final against city rivals Real to come.



There were cup finals in Scotland, Germany and elsewhere we could mention, but in truth those three epic games concludes a lively season for most football-speaking South Africans.



Arsenal and Atleti will welcome a long-awaited return to ascendancy (as I write this next to the Indian Ocean, Arsene Wenger's trophy drought stands at around 22 hours) but it Dr Irvin Khoza who may be the most relieved man of all.



The controversial owner of our plundering Piratesmust have been wondering what had happened to his double-treble winners over the last couple of seasons.



With all those games in hand after the African Champions League we might have expected something slightly better than fourth in the PSL (they finished third last season) and the return of Vladimir Vermezovic looked like a serious problem.



But what was it VV said when the reached this fourth final? "These boys know how to reach finals, I know how to win them."



That proved more than an idle boast. Adding up those four finals (MTN8, Telkom KO, African Champions League and Nedbank) I reckon the Buccaneers added a cool R20m to their coffers this season.



And with Kaizer Chiefs stumbling when it mattered, a single come-from-behind triumph turned everything around for the Pirates - just like it did for Arsenal and Atletico.



But Simeone's troops still have the Champions League final to come. That's quite a big but. in any language.

From El Nino to El OhNo: Fernando Torres, the British record signing has forgotten what it's all about

Fernando Torres. Britain’s record signing. There he was on Tuesday night, apparently playing for Chelsea. I think. He was wearing blue and had his boots on as he strolled around Stamford Bridge while Liverpool were knocking them out of the Carling Cup.
Liverpool fans loved every moment of course. They would. He was quite something for them before last year’s World Cup slump… and they got a whopping 50m (R500m) - more than doubling the 20m they paid for him - for the former Atletico Madrid striker when Chelsea made their deadline day move in January.
You could almost understand Roman Abramovich’s eagerness to break the bank (and ruin his club’s carefully planned UEFA-friendly budget) when you look at the stats for the 27-year-old who has regrown his long golden locks since the World Cup, but failed to refind his form.
At Atletico from 2001–2007 he was a budding sensation, scoring 82 goals in 214 games. At Liverpool he managed a near-sensational 65 in 102 games after his move to England in 2007. Reds will remember his first season with some fondness: 33 goals in 46 appearances. El Nino they called him then. These days he’s more of an El Nincompoop.
But at Chelsea he has three goals from 24 games. Yes. Three. Some grandmothers of my acquaintance have a higher annual scoring rate. In all competitions, he’s managed five in 32 while down the road, Robin van Persie is banging them in at a goal a game - under far more pressure at Arsenal than Torres generally faces at Chelsea.
Andy Townsend, the former Chelsea midfielder who performs with some aplomb as the resident analyst on the Premier League’s international channel every week (for South Africans, he’s the one who sits on the far right with the rugged look) has a bit to say about Mr Torres in his Daily Mail column this week.
Townsend says: “When I look at him, I see another Roman Pavlyuchenko (the rusty Russian at Spurs) - a striker who knows he is fourth choice and who looks as if he would rather be anywhere else.
“There is no nuisance value in Torres. He doesn’t rattle the centre half, chase lost causes into the corner, crash into the first row of seats after running down the full back. He’s not scoring, so what does he give the team?”
With the world’s youngest boss Andre Villas-Boas under huge pressure following Tuesday night’s defeat – the Blues have now lost three times in their last four home games – perhaps it’s time Torres at least gave the appearance of caring.
Mind you, with chairman Abramovich involved in a Russian heavyweight clash against Boris Berezovsky in the High Court, fellow striker Didier Drogba desperately seeking a move and captain John Terry being probed by the police for racist abuse, perhaps Torres is just hoping nobody will notice.
Townsend says: “You feel like watching Fernando’s matches from behind the sofa; it’s the nightmare that doesn’t seem to end.”
Torres isn’t the first striker to be cast in “A Stamford Bridge too far”… Townsend picks out a few corkers who have worn blue and turned to goo: Robert Fleck, Chris Sutton, Mateja Kezman, Andriy Shevchenko and Hernan Crespo to name but five. Nicolas Anelka has hardly sparkled while older readers may remember Adrian Mutu, the Romanian who left Chelsea under a distinctly dodgy white cloud.
Townsend concludes: “Only two people can resolve this – Torres must rediscover his form and his joy of football or can Abramovich, find a club to buy him?”
Come on Andy, he signed a five-and-a-half year contract less than a year ago. He has a personal fortune estimated at nearly 20m. And anyway, would you buy a used striker from a Russian oligarch?

Forlorn Fulham 1, Forlan's Atletico 2, But They Had To Go To Extra Time

I HAD this awful feeling Fulham were going to get tonked in the last match of their incredible Europa League journey. Instead, they went down 2-1 to an extra-time strike from Atletico Madrid's Diego Forlan.

Agony at the end of a long, long road for the Cottagers. The final in Hamburg tonight might have been for the Consolation Cup - the old UEFA Cup where Champions League failures go to moan - but for Fulham and Roy Hodgson, it meant the world.

The topic "Atletico Madrid" was trending on British Twitter as soon as the game got underway, so somebody cares. Mind you it was hardly a classic.

My old coach Woy's band of brave veterans and journeymen have travelled 25,000 miles and beaten holders Shakhtar Donetsk, the Old Lady of Italy Juventus, German champions Wolfsburg and hosts Hamburg.

They were 1-0 behind on the half-hour thanks to Forlan's sixth goal in Europe this season - his 24th of a prolific winter. And the Spaniards looked like turning my doom-laden hunch into a prophecy.

But within four minutes Fulham were back in it, Bobby Zamora appearing to miss the chance before setting up Simon Davies for the equaliser - he scored a vital goal in the semi against Hamburg too.

And there was Woy - I have to talk about him later on BBC Radio 5 tonight - urging his men on against a side far stronger on paper.

Mark Schwarzer, the veteran 33-year-old Australian No1, did his bit in keeping the Madridistas out. Clint Dempsey (above), also World Cup-bound with the US, grafted away. And Zamora showed once more how much he deserved a crack at Fabio Capello's squad.

Still, he's not alone in being told he has to stay at home this week. Ruud van Nistelrooy, 33, has been left out by the Dutch. Ronaldinho and Adriano – not to mention the old Ronaldo - languish in the also-rans for Brazil.

Incredibly, Argentina's crazed coach Diego Maradona decided to leave out Inter Milan's Javier Zanetti and Esteban Cambiasso despite their part in Jose Mourinho’s special surge to the Champions League final against Bayern Munich. And Patrick Vieira failed to push his way into the French provisional squad despite his recent appearances for Manchester City in the Premier League.

Bobatov is in good company. Forlan on the other hand, is very definitely headed for Group A of the World Cup with Uruguay, where Mexico, hosts South Africa and France await. On this evidence he could be quite a handful.

Just before the extra-time break, with the scores stuck at 1-1 for over an hour, he weaved a path through the Fulham rearguard but Atletico couldn't find a finisher.

But with the clock running down and penalties looming, he stuck out a boot, got a deflection of Hangeland, and Fulham's first ever European final ended in agony. But for Atletico the 45-year wait for a European trophy was over.