It is never pleasant being attacked by a swan. Ask Arsene Wenger

Up the Swanny: Arsenal beaten 3-2

I was attacked by a swan once, circa 1999. When I invaded his island with my son Kriss on the Misbourne River in Chalfont St Peter, Buckinghamshire. His name was King Tut. Hit me with his wing, left a mark like a baseball bat on my back. Still have nightmares, falling face first in the river, nearly unconscious.

And it felt like that watching Arsenal play the Swans yesterday. Hit by a baseball bat. Drowning in mediocrity. De Ja-bloody-vu it was.  A nerve-jangling, devastating 3-2 defeat to follow the appalling reverse against Fulham, the hopeless draw against Wolves. And Manchester United to come to the Emirates next week. Oh, God, no.

Swansea manager Brendan Rodgers, the former Chelsea youth boss who struggled in charge at Reading, is loving his life of freedom at the Liberty Stadium. They actually outplayed Arsenal, out-passed them. Afterwards he said: "We have a great belief that we can play and pass. Some of our ball retention today was incredible. It's always going to be a fantastic football game against Arsenal. Strictly come passing! They've been doing it for years, we're only beginning. It's great to win such a game."

Predictably, Arsene Wenger kicked-off his post-match comments insisting "it was never a penalty" and said: "We missed some great chances at 3-2, and at this level we cannot afford that. We made massive mistakes on the third goal. It's difficult to explain. We'd just come back to 2-2 we knew we had what it takes to score the third goal.

"It's a bit down to the fact we shuffled the defence around, some players do not play in that position. But in the last two games we have given away cheap goals.

"They played well, they're a good side. They had a lot of possession in their half. But it's just a side like ours. At 1-0 up and 2-2 we don't want to make mistakes like we did.

"I feel we can still make a strong bid for the top four. But today and at Fulham, we lost the game. And we cannot afford that."

The start was predictable enough,. Robin van Persie, as ever, got the early goal, a personal best 18 for the season. It's going to be a record for the Dutch master. I bite the coffee table, snog the cat... and the security in my fingerprinted estate in Centurion on the Hennops River in South Africa (where there are many, many swans, black and white) was called to investigate the screams.

Then what happens?

The only Welsh side in the Premier League gets one back. The softest of penalties as Aaron Ramsey - yes, a Welshman - touches a home player. Nathan Dyer, superb yesterday, collapsed like the Dying Swan, but without the balletic grace.
Dyer said afterwards: "What a massive confidence boost. We passed it around well, played them at their own game. We've got the same philosophy as they have. It was a great game of football for the neutrals."

On the penalty, he said: "He kicked my foot, I just went over. Look, we're just enjoying playing in the Premier League. Every game, luckily for us we're doing well. We've got a good work ethic."

Scott Sinclair - five from five from the spot this season - tucks away the penalty, Sche... Swech... the Polish keeper can't get to it and it's 1-1. Swansea are holding the ball like Arsenal used to when they had Samir Nasri, Cesc Fabregas and Jack Wilshere (remember him? Me Neither) and then Van Persie gets another sight of goal... and fails to beat Michel Vorm with a much easier chance than his first.

Dyer flashes a shot in, 40 minutes gone, this time Scze... Schew... the Polish keeper gets to it. But it's only a matter of time. Like the devastating Fulham defeat, Arsenal have the lead but can't hold it. Can't even hold the ball.

Half-time. Level at 1-1. The agony is just beginning. Surely not a defeat against the promoted Swans? Not this weekend when Spurs dropped two points at Wolves and fourth place remains a realistic hope? Lose this and we're four behind Chelsea in the last Champions League spot.

On the Premier League's international programme we watch here on SuperSport in SA, Andy Townsend says he can't see a touch by Ramsey on Dyer. Alan Curbishley says he can. All I can see is Ramsey doing the splits, barely brushing Dyer. The Arsenal man is lucky to escape injury. Dyer is lucky to escape an Oscar.

But it matters not. As we shall see very soon, this Arsenal side is far too fragile. They are not Champions League material, though they have qualified to face AC Milan in the knock-out stages next month. This will be their last European Cup campaign for a while.

After 56 of those agonising minutes, Wojciech Szczesny (yes, that's the Polish keeper, with the J, W, Y and two Zs in all the right places) is beaten again. Nathan, the Dyer Swan, capitalises after yet another stray pass from Andrei Arshavin, the bloke who once said he qualified as a fashion designer at home in St Petersburg.

Go back to the needlework, Meerkat. It's only fair. Your species may scare snakes, but these Swans were entirely impervious to your threat. Off he went, past Wenger, substituted without even an apology to the baying Gooners so desperate for a sniff of a trophy after six lean years.

On the hour mark, the bearded wonder arrives. Thierry Henry. Scorer of the only goal on his comeback debut on loan from the New York Red Bulls. Will this be a repeat of the 2-1 defeat at Fulham or the 1-0 FA Cup win over Leeds?

It’s going to be neither. First Theo Walcott levels, a brilliant finish for once from the man we all hoped for so much from. But within 45 seconds, David Graham has the Swans back in front. Per Mertesacker fails to see the run. Inexplicably, he stops. Szczesny gets his angles all wrong.  That's the 25th goal conceded away from home for a ramshackle team of supposed title contenders.

On Twitter, the world explodes. Virtual roars, oaths and despair. Incredible. Dramatic. Conceding in seconds. Never seen anything like it.

Oh yes we have. Remember the 4-0 lead against Newcastle that became a 4-4 draw? Remember Fulham a couple of weeks ago? That’s when we saw it. Arsenal fans are used to it. We can’t defend a lead. Not even four goals.

I can see King Tut coming down the river at me, framed by weeping willows. Swans are dangerous. Especially on their own territory. I said it at half-time, it was back to haunt us all, we Gooners.

Mertesacker misses a chance to level from a corner, then he is removed by Wenger, who is going for broke. Apparently the German has an illness. But he appears to have been off-colour since January when he made his surprising arrival in North London. Sick as a bloody parrot he's been.

I've seen better centre-backs in South Africa... try Erick "Tower" Mathoho at Bloemfontein Celtic, Arsene. Or perhaps you could approach rivals Spurs and ask if you could have Bongani Khumalo, the cool Bafana Bafana centrehalf, currently not being used on loan by Reading.

As a Ramsey header thumps in to Vorm's chest, we have seven minutes left. Manchester United to come next weekend, and Arsenal are 3-2 down to Swansea, who have been creating chances at the other end. Appalling.

Tomas Rosicky has two late chances, Koscielny has another, Vorm repels them comfortably. Van Persie wriggles and writhes in injury time, but nothing can save them. For the sixth time this season, the travelling Goonners fall silent.

Swans? They're a bloody nightmare.

Your match by match verdicts as South African and English Premier Leagues kick-off

So Arsenal have lost Samir Nasri (£22m to Manchester City) and Cesc Fabregas (£35m to some club in Catalunia) but apparently Jadson, the 27-year-old Brazilian from Shakhtar Donetsk, is arriving for £12m. Given Gervinho's arrival for a similar fee last month, that makes a cool profit of around £13m for Arsene Wenger.

But he's not a banker, he's a football manager. And Arsenal are without a trophy for six years. Perhaps the only way that will change will be a brief foray in to the London for a quick bit of silverware looting as our slightly doctored picture shows.

English experts are saying Manchester United will win the Premier League again this season, with big-spending rivals Manchester City runners-up. Chelsea in third, with Liverpool edging Arsenal for the fourth Champions League spot. That leaves Spurs in sixth, possibly Aston Villa seventh. Relegation looms for promoted pair Swansea and Queens Park Rangers plus perrenial strugglers Wigan, though Wolves may howl too. Norwich, up as champions, should survive.

In South Africa, so much depends on those two big European striker signings. Will Benni McCarthy roll back the years (and confound West Ham fans) at Orlando Pirates? Can Bernard Parker thrive in a Kaizer Chiefs zebra shirt? I think both will do okay if fit.

That puts Chiefs and Pirates in the top two with Mamelodi Sundowns and Ajax Cape Town completing the top four. Ajax without Thulani Serero may struggle to stay ahead of Supersports United and Gavin Hunt's new-look outfit. Jomo Sono's Cosmos will go straight back down with Platinum Stars, backed by the Bafokeng mining millions, the surprise package.

But for a match by match verdict, have a squint at this... then get down to the betting shop:

English Premier League

Saturday

Blackburn 2 Wolves 0 (Arsenal regret not signing Samba)

Fulham 2 Aston Villa 2 (Darren Bent both goals for Villa)

Liverpool 3 Sunderland 2 (Gyan can't do it alone, King Kenny magic)

QPR 0 Bolton 0 (Yawn)

Tottenham v Everton (postponed, riots stopped play)

Wigan 1 Norwich 2 (Canaries singing)

Newcastle 1 Arsenal 0 (Wenger offers to resign)

Sunday

Stoke 0, Chelsea 3 (Torres hat-trick)

West Brom 1, Manchester United 1 (Rooney injured, Fergie fuming)

Monday:

Manchester City 6, Swansea 0 (Welsh rabbits in the spotlight)

South African Premier League
Tonight

Santos 1 Moroka Swallows 2 (Ingesund revival continues)

Black Leopards 0 Orlando Pirates 1 (McCarthy comes on for ten minutes)

Saturday

Free State Stars 2 SuperSport United 2 (Gavin Hunt’s new boys settling)

Platinum Stars 1 Ajax Cape Town 2 (But they miss Serero)

Golden Arrows 1 Bloem Celtic 2 (Arrows off target)

Kaizer Chiefs 4 Jomo Cosmos 2 (Majoro the hero, not Parker)

Sunday

Mamelodi Sundowns 3 AmaZulu 1 (Killer Mphela on the loose)

Maritzburg Utd 0 Bidvest Wits 0 (Yawn)

That's it. I'll put the Crystal ball away.

Cesc finally goes to Barca as the Premier League season dawns... and he's paying for it

CESC FABREGAS made one last visit to Arsenal’s London Colney training ground last night – to clear the personal belongings from his locker.

After three years of “will-he-won’t-he”, the 24-year-old will finally return to Barcelona, the club he left as a 16-year-old, just 24 hours before the big Premier League kick-off in England.

According to the Sun, Arsenal and Barcelona have agreed a £35.9m (R400m) fee – but Fabregas has cleared the way for his return to the Nou Camp by returning a £4.5million “loyalty bonus” due to him from the Gunners.

The low point in the long-running Fabregas transfer came last month when Estanislau Fors, the mayor of Cesc’s birthplace Arenys de Mar near Barcelona, said: "We all want Cesc to come home to Barcelona because at the moment he is living in a kidnapping. If Arsenal are truly English gentlemen they should start behaving as such. They need to stop clowning around."

They have. The final blow came when club captain Cesc refused to travel to Lisbon last Saturday, where Arsenal were beaten 2-1 by Benfica. Boss Arsene Wenger, under huge pressure after six years without a trophy, said: “Cesc is not injured. He’s training normally but hasn’t played since Bolton, which is two and a half months. The situation with Cesc? I don’t want to talk about it any more.”

Arsenal will earn a further £5m from the deal – dependent on his appearances and trophies for Barca and Spain. Fabregas played 212 games for Arsenal, scoring 35 goals, but failed to pick up a single winners’ medal.

Wenger is also resigned to losing French midfielder Samir Nasri, who could even make his debut for Manchester City in their Monday-night Premier League opener against Swansea.

Nasri, also 24, has only one year left on his contract and with City prepared to pay him £180,000-a-week, Arsenal have little choice but to accept a £25m transfer fee from the richest club in football. City, backed by Abu Dhabi billionaire Sheikh Mansour, have already grabbed Gael Clichy, Emmanuel Adebayor and Kolo Toure from north London’s reds.

Arsenal striker Marouane Chamakh was quoted yesterday saying: "I think both Cesc and Nasri will probably leave the club."

For Arsenal, who kick off their season against Newcastle on Sunday, the loss of Fabregas and Nasri will do little to encourage worried Gooners.

Though £12m Gervinho and youngster Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain have both been signed in the summer, the anxiety over central defence remains unsolved. Efforts to sign experienced centre-backs along the lines of Chris Samba, Gary Cahill or Phil Jagielka have come to nothing. Instead, Birmingham’s Scott Dann, 24, is expected to arrive for £8m this week.

Carl Jenkinson, the full-back signed from Charlton for a paltry £1.5m, has distinguished himself with a bizarre pre-season own goal in Germany which you can see here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwjfZduiJ5Q.

Valencia’s Juan Mata and/or Shakhtar Donetsk's Brazilian star Jadson are also under scrutiny, but Arsenal fans – used to seeing their club miss out on the big names – aren’t holding their breath.

They will be more concerned at the failure to extend the contracts of established stars Robin van Persie, Alex Song and Theo Walcott. This time next year, all three will have just a year left on their contracts, leading to further transfer sagas.

The dead wood - Sebastien Squillaci, Nicklas Bendtner, Andrey Arshavin, Abou Diaby, Manuel Almunia and Denilson – remain unsold, though Denilson, after a diatribe against his own club, is now at Sao Paolo on loan.

The only other big transfer likely to happen as the Premier League kicks off involves the long-running switch of Croatian Luka Modric from Spurs to Chelsea – with Israel’s Yossi Benayoun now being offered to Harry Redknapp, who has seen his side's opener against Everton tomorrow postponed due to the riots in London. South Africa captain Steven Pienaar thus gets further recovery time after his hernia operation.

Manchester City’s unsettled Argentinian Carlos Tevez will go to Inter Milan on loan – but only if Cameroon’s Samuel Eto'o moves to big spending Russians FC Anzhi Makhachkala to become the best-paid player on the plant. Anzhi, based in the capital of the Republic of Dagestan, are offering him £300,000-per-week.

Premier League opening fixtures (SA kick-off times):

Saturday:

Blackburn v Wolverhampton, 4pm

Fulham v Aston Villa, 4pm

Liverpool v Sunderland, 4pm

QPR v Bolton, 4pm

Tottenham v Everton, 4pm

Wigan v Norwich, 4pm

Newcastle v Arsenal, 6.30pm

Sunday:

Stoke v Chelsea, 2.30pm

West Brom v Man Utd, 5pm

Monday:

Manchester City v Swansea, 8.45pm

In the Championship, fresh from playing in South Africa’s 3-0 win over a below-strength Burkina Faso, Bongani Khumalo flies in to play for Reading at Sven Goran Eriksson’s Leicester on Saturday, with Kagisho Dikgacoi’s Crystal Palace at home to Burnley. Portsmouth, with wantaway Aaron Mokoena still on board, travel to promoted South Coast neighbours Brighton.

Arsenal Will Sell Fabregas but Will Wenger Spend the Cash? Erm... No!

Sir Chips Keswick and Lord Harris of Peckham. Oh, and American “sports tycoon” Stan Kroenke, South African-born chief executive Ivan Gazidis, a very old double-barrelled Etonian chairman Peter Hill-Wood and his right-handman Ken Friar.

These are the men who will decide, over the next fortnight, whether a 24-year-old called Francesc "Cesc" Fàbregas i Soler will return to his Catalan roots at the Nou Camp in Barcelona this summer. The European champions have offered £27m, apparently Arsenal want something closer to £35m.

According to the BBC tonight, a “senior Arsenal official” says: "The offer was made formally in writing to our chief executive [Ivan Gazidis], and we said no straight away."

Asked if an improved offer might be successful, the BBC source said: "Possibly yes, and if it's enough then I expect we'll have to sell."

And long-suffering Arsenal fans, trophyless since Patrick Vieira’s shoot-out FA Cup final winner against Manchester United at the Millennium Stadium on May 21 2005, are powerless to do anything barring a Syrian/Egyptian/Libyan/Bahraini/Yemeni etc etc style uprising against the lack of democracy in football.

Even Arsene Wenger, ailing spiritual leader of the largely peaceful Gooner Popular Front, appears powerless to stop the sale of the lad eased out of the Barca camp as a 16-year-old.

Instead he will have to rely on the precocious but precarious talents of Jack Wilshere, the 19-year-old who is as quick with his tantrums and new contract demands (he was offered a new five-year deal yesterday) as he is with his defence-splitting passes.

Look, £35m for Fabregas is good business. But will Arsenal truly benefit from his long-mooted departure? Chief Executive Gazidis, born in Johannesburg on September 13, 1964, told Arsenal’s Supporters Trust earlier this month that failing on four fronts again this season (let’s not mention the Carling Cup final defeat against Birmingham City) was “not a disaster” and insisted: “I know how you feel.”

Yeah. Sure. Gazidis. Born in Joburg. Left for England aged four. An Oxford blue. Worked in the USA. As north London true Gooner as Sir Chips and his pal Lord Harris of Peckham. Or the toff Hill-Wood. They know how Arsenal fans feel, paying out of their noses for a seat in the plush but pricey Emirates Stadium, eating expensive plastic hot dogs with memories of trophy-winning winters at Highbury long forgotten. George Graham, Bertie Mee? Where are you now?

Watching Arsenal play the best football in the country but failing – largely due to a significant lack of spending – to compete with Manchester United or Chelsea year after bloody year. Last I saw, Arsenal were the 32nd biggest spenders in England since the Premier League kicked off in 1992. The top-four finishing Gunners are regularly in the relegation zone on spending. Economics suggest they should be languishing mid-table in the Championship.

But now, finally, it seems Fabregas will go. Samir Nasri is being courted by Manchester United, Gael Clichy could go to Liverpool. With those big-name departures, Wenger SHOULD get a £50m summer sale bonus to add to the alleged £60m Gazidis and his junta have set aside for new players.

So perhaps this year, Wenger won’t have to unretire 41-year-old goalkeeper Jens Lehmann after meeting him while commentating on German television. Sir Chips and his pals should make the move for Shay Given, the former Newcastle goalkeeper currently kicking his heels behind Joe Hart at Manchester City. Three years after Wenger first talked about a £12m bid for the Republic of Ireland goalkeeper.

And what about those centre-backs? Johann Djourou improved markedly last season after the departures of Sol Campbell and William Gallas, but with Laurent Koscielny failing to fill in for the long-term injury to Thomas Vermaelen, £12m Chris Samba of Blackburn might be just the tonic. Or Gary Cahill, the no-nonsense defender Bolton seem so eager to sell. Mind you, spending £17m on an England international has never been one of Arsenal’s strongpoints.

Wenger said on July 29 (that’s LAST YEAR): “I believe we need to sign at least four centre backs because we have some other players who can fill in this position but overall we are still on the search." Instead, he got hold of Sebastien Squillaci – yet another less-than-intimidating central defender - and hoped for the best.

In the midfield, the pathetic Brazilian Denilson is making wantaway noises and offering himself for sale on auction site eBay. Alex Song, ever-effective as a defender but questionable as a play-maker, must soldier on. Like captain Fabregas, Nasri’s departure appears imminent too.

There is talk of Barca’s 20-year-old Italian born dynamo Thiago Alcantara coming the other way in the Fab deal, or Ricardo Alvarez, the Argentinian from Velez Sarsfield, coming soon. But they’re only rumours.

Up front, Wenger perseveres with not-so-great Dane Nicklas Bendtner and the disappointing 2010 signing Marouane Chamakh next to Dutchman Robin van Persie, who finished last season with a flourish, while Theo Walcott continues to frighten defences with his searing burst of pace and sorry lack of product.

There’s talk of Lille’s Gervinho arriving for £10million. The dread-locked Ivory Coast striker is making all the right noises – just as Chamakh did last summer – but is he really better than Togo’s Emmanuel Adebayor, released so easily to Manchester City two seasons ago?

Michel Seydoux, president of the French double-winners, said yesterday: “We know that Gervinho is keen on Arsenal. There has been simple contact, but we have not received a concrete offer yet."

So hey, long-suffering Gooners, let’s not hold our breath. We’ve talked this summer about Gervinho, Alvarez, Alcantara, Karim Benzema, Cahill, Douglas Costa, Juan Mata, West Brom’s sharp-shooter Peter Odemwingie, Samba, Arturo Vidal.

But so far, Arsenal’s summer spending consists of Finland’s English-born Carl Jenkinson from Charlton Athletic. He’s 19 and played just nine times for the Addicks. The fee? Around £1m, “paid in stages”. Now that’s big spending!

Oh, and three youngsters called Benik Afobe, Chuks Aneke and Oguzhan Ozyakup have pledged their long-term futures to Arsenal according to the club website. Woohoo.

Gazidis again: “It is very clear we had some shortcomings and in this close season we are going to see some turnover of players. Some new signings will be coming in and some of our existing squad will be going out. As Arsene has said, it will be a busy close season for the club.”

Tellingly though, he added: “We have a young squad and we don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.”

Chances are Arsenal’s board, that cunning blend of foreign financiers and toffs, will spend as little as they can and hope for another year of big profit, presumably to pay off the Emirates Stadium. But that’s a tired excuse. If Fabregas goes, it’s time to spend big. Everyone knows it. Except Sir Chips and his fishy friends.

Who the hell is Neal Collins (nealcol on Twitter)? See www.nealcollins.co.uk.

Cesc Fabregas: Arsenal's magnificent maestro... but for how long?

CESC FABREGAS you are magnificent. The way the 23-year-old tore Braga apart at the Emirates Stadium on Wednesday night was little short of Messi... or Maradona.

He scored two and made two in a near-record 6-0 win, thrilling the 59,000 crowd and millions around the world as the Champions League whirred back in to action this week.

But how gullible do you think Arsenal fans are, Francesc Fàbregas i Sole? After the game, sweat dripping from that talented brow, he said: “I have always felt I belong here. I am happy at Arsenal.”

Tell that to the shirt sellers in Barcelona, where the letters F-A-B are already in great demand at the Nou Camp souvenir shop.

Every Gooner knows what happens at the end of the season. The star goes home. Cesc, born in Villasar-de-Mar, watched his first game at the Nou Camp aged six months. He was barely out of nappies when the Barcelona Academy snapped him up.

Incredibly, like Nicolas Anelka and Mathieu Flamini, Emmanuel Frimpong and so many others, he was lured away on a cheap flight to London as a 16-year-old by the ever-persuasive Arsene Wenger in 2004. And Cesc appeared to love it.

For six years he has thrilled Gooners and made Catalunians envious. His talents have lifted north London and though Arsenal have gone trophy-less since he broke through to the first team, he is already a modern master, right up there with Charlie George, Dennis Bergkamp and Thierry Henry.

Wenger himself admitted after his stunning display against Braga: “You don’t get many players like him. He is one of the biggest in the game.”

But he knows as well as any of us that Fabregas, pictured “accidentally” in the stripey strip of Barca after Spain’s World Cup win on July 11, will be off to pastures Nou next summer.

Joan Laport and his not-so-well-off board might have snatched him last summer if they’d had the money. But they know his blood runs the blue-and-red of Barca rather than the red-and-white of Arsenal.

On May 5, when the transfer row was at its peak, he said: “When you see that things are going so well, I think I would like to go to Barcelona. Then if they want me or not is another thing. It’s what I want and what I would like.”

And then there was this from Barcelona’s sporting director, Txiki Begiristain on May 18: “It’s great news that he wants to come here and I think that one day Cesc will have to come to Barca.”

And on July 30, after new president Sandro Rossell had failed with a £30m bid, Barcelona’s World Cup winning centre-back Carles Puyol announced: “Cesc is having to stay at a club where he no longer wants to be for another year. I wonder how intelligent it is keeping a player who doesn’t want to be there.”

Says it all really. Having spent six weeks with Fabregas in South Africa, Puyol would know a little bit about how he thinks.

A long meeting with Wenger followed when Barca’s interest switched to David Villa and there was Cesc on Wednesday night insisting: “I am happy at Arsenal.”

The unbeaten Gunners travel to Sunderland on Saturday. Steve Bruce will have watched his performance on Wednesday and will have worked out a few tactics to cope with the Catalunian’s prodigious talents.

Let’s see, when the boots are flying, how the Arsenal captain copes at the Stadium of Light. And then let’s hear what he has to say.

Gunner Frimpong latest to be hit by Ghana curse

Ghana. Sheez. How unlucky can you get? Reach the quarter-finals of the World Cup without crocked Chelsea star Michael Essien and with Sulley Muntari causing havoc in the camp – and then some irksome Uruguayan uses a hand to prevent the Black Stars from claiming their rightful place as Africa’s first global semi-finalists.

Ah, how Africa wept that fateful night at Soccer City on July 2 when Luis Suarez produced football’s second Hand of God, enabling his side to progress on penalties. What might have been eh? But that’s history now. An 18-year-old called Emmanuel Yaw Frimpong represents the future – but he too has been hit by the curse of the Black Stars.

With a name which sounds curiously like a video game for x-box addicts if you say it quickly, Frimpong is the new Ghanaian on the block. On Arsenal’s north London block that is.

Arsene Wenger swooped for the lad from Accra when he was just 11. Just as he did with Cesc Fabregas, Mathieu Flamini and Nicolas Anelka, the shrewd Frenchman was in and talking to the parents before the locals realised what they had in their hands. He signed at the turn of the millennium and has rarely looked back.

Frimpong has been talked about for some time by Arsenal aficionados... but few outside the Gooner blogs have heard of the midfielder who started all three of Arsenal’s pre-season friendlies next to the young English phenomenon Jack Wilshere, also 18. The official Arsenal website suggests the lad is “built like a welterweight boxer” and his prowess in the tackle makes him one of those “Makelele” midfielders who can win the ball as well as working magic in possession.

Frimpong might have been promoted even more quickly but for a hamstring injury which disrupted his progress last season. He laments: "Last season was difficult, it was the hamstring injury that just wouldn’t go away. It was quite frustrating, especially as I went into this season hoping to make progress in the reserves and beyond."

But for a torn cruciate suffered up training with the reserves in Dublin this month, he’s be the one wearing the No41 shirt this season. As Wenger said before injury struck: "It’s great to have two young players from our youth system playing so well in pre-season. We are all happy. Frimpong is a bit less of a dribbler than Wilshere, but he's a fighter and a winner."

While Mario Balotelli, Inter Milan’s young Ghanaian who has just moved to Manchester City, shrugs off his heritage to play for Italy and Jerome Boateng chose to play for Germany, Frimpong has resisted the lure of England. And he did if before the Three Lions’ appalling World Cup performance cast a pall over the game in the land where football was invented.

Frimpong played for England’s Under 16 and Under 18s, but insisted in February: "I have always said that, no matter what, I will always play for Ghana because at the end of the day, from what I believe, I am a Ghanaian.

"England has done a lot for me and my family but at the end of the day I can't see myself playing for England because I am not English - I am from Ghana."

Wenger is mystified by Fabio Capello’s failure to test Frimpong’s unexpected pledge of allegiance. Never one to worry about nationality, Wenger growls: "Here you have a boy who can choose between England and Ghana. So if I was in your place, I would have no hesitation and invite him to play very quickly for England."

But Capello’s silence is deafening. Now something of a lame duck England coach after their World Cup farce, the Italian has missed the boat once more. Next time Ghana appear on the international stage, expect a rehabilitated Frimpong to feature in the Essien role. Prominently.

Spain get their World Cup campaign back on track... and here's the full list of predicted qualifiers

Spain got their World Cup campaign back on track with a one-sided romp over Honduras as round two came to a conclusion at Ellis Park last night.

But despite Barcelona’s new signing David Villa scoring twice and missing a penalty in a 2-0 win for the holders, you can’t help thinking the European super-powers lack the flair and panache of the Latin Americans in South Africa right now.

They don’t set the pulses racing like Argentina and Brazil have done so far. Or is it just me?

Given their shocking 1-0 defeat against Switzerland in their opening Group H encounter, the win was what matters for the world’s second-best ranked side though. And Arsenal’s Cesc Fabregas certainly sparkled when he came on. Liverpool’s Fernando Torres has lost his blond locks... and some of his elan from the looks of this one.

The other Group H clash saw Chile edge past Switzerland 1-0 after West Ham’s Valon Behrami had been sent off - but only after the Swiss had surpassed the all-time World Cup finals record of 551 minutes without conceding a goal.

Mark Gonzalez, born in Durban to Chilean international Raul who played here in the 1980s, headed the only goal to all but ensure another Latin American side go through. He said: “I didn’t have a sniff of goal in all our warm-up matches, but it’s fallen to me to score at the tournament itself, which is unbelievable. We’re close to going through to the next round. We needed bags of patience.”

Group H could now finish with three teams on six points, but Chile and Spain are favourites to go through, in that order.

Portugal became the first European side to look seriously impressive since Germany stuffed Australia 4-0 on day three.

Their 7-0 thrashing of North Korea in Cape Town certainly got South Africa on their feet. There are over a million Portuguese in the Rainbow Nation, and they were loving it at the Rosebank Mall’s two huge screens near Johannesburg.

Just 1-0 up at half-time through Raul Meirelese, Simao got the first of half-a-dozen in the second half, with Simao, Hugo Almeida, Tiago and Liedson adding their contribution before Real Madrid’s iconic Cristiano Ronaldo finally got one. Then Tiago added the seventh heaven bit.

Almeida crowed afterwards: “It was a perfect day. We’re celebrating and it gives us a confidence boost ahead of the Brazil game (in Durban on Friday). It meant a lot to me to score my first goal at a World Cup; it’s a fantastic feeling.”

Brazil and Portugal will go through from Group G, which is largely what we expected from the sides ranked first and third in the world by FIFA.

In Group F, Paraguay and Italy are the likely qualifiers can’t see New Zealand doing it, Holland will be joined by Japan or possibly Denmark in Group E and I’m hoping Ghana will keep the African flag flying in Group D, where Serbia and Germany are also in contention.

Group C is the hardest to predict, with England and the US needing wins against Slovenia and Algeria to progress on Wednesday, while Group B sees Argentina already through, with Greece or South Korea, though pointless Nigeria have a mathematical chance.

Group A resumes tomorrow with Mexico and Uruguay just needing to play out a draw to deny self-destructing France and the hosts South Africa.

In all we saw 41 goals scored in the 16 second round games – that’s a big improvement on the all-time low of 25 scored first time around. The final group games should produce goals galore. We shall see. One thing’s for sure, the referees and their red cards are the current talking point.

The other? Latin American dominance – the CONMEBOL region boasts three of the four sides with maximum points, Argentina, Brazil and Chile, with Europe’s sole six-pointers Holland looking a long way short of perfection.

Neal Collins is in South Africa to complain about England's performance and promote his first novel A GAME APART. See www.nealcollins.co.uk.

To see Neal at the National Arts Festival on July 4, go to http://www.computicket.com/web/event/neal_collins_a_game_apart/148367625.

Lampard and Gerrard are not among the best midfielders in the Premier League. Who says so? Their fellow professionals!

FRANK LAMPARD is not one of the best midfielders in the Premier League. Neither is Steven Gerrard. Who says so? Their fellow professionals.

When the Professional Footballers’ Association named their team of the season today, neither Chelsea stalwart Lampard – who scored twice in the 7-0 demolition of Stoke yesterday – nor Gerrard – who produced a rasper for Liverpool against Burnley – were included.

And if England manager Fabio Capello needed a further blow before he names his provisional World Cup squad of 30 on May 11, John Terry wasn’t included either in a side which featured Irishman Richard Dunne of Aston Villa and Arsenal’s new find, Belgian Thomas Vermaelen, in the heart of defence.

There was no place either for Ashley Cole, generally considered the best left-back in the country, though he can blame injury for the lack of faith shown in his compact talents by his colleagues. That’s fair enough, but how United’s Darren Fletcher gets a place ahead of Lamps or Gerrard, I’ll never understand.

Cesc Fabregas? Fair enough, though he was far less influential than either Lampard or Gerrard this season. Still, I'd love to see the side named in London last night compete in the World Cup under a Premier League flag!

The team picked by the PFA (listed in full below) will generally depress Capello. There are just three Englishmen included: young Joe Hart in goal, the inspirational James Milner in the middle of the park and, of course, Wayne Rooney up front.

But the good news for Capello comes in the individual awards. As expected Rooney, top scorer in the Premier League with 24 this season, gets the nod as the Players’ Player of the Year, while Milner, who replaced Rooney as the youngest scorer in the top flight when he scored for Leeds at 16 in 2002, earns the Young Player accolade.

Rooney, twice a winner of the Young Player award, continues a bit of a Manchester United tradition: Ryan Giggs won it for his ageless talents last season while Cristiano Ronaldo won it in 2007 and 2008 before decamping for Real Madrid.

All the talk of course, is of Rooney’s gluteus maximus injury, also known locally as “the pain in the Arsenal.” United say he’ll be out for the last two games of the season but Rooney himself insists he will try to make himself available: another reason to be uncheerful for Capello.

Rooney, interviewed by Sky’s superb analyst Jeff Stelling after winning his award last night, said: “I voted for Didier Drogba for the senior award and Cesc Fabregas for young player.”

Asked if he thought he was the best in the world, Rooney grinned modestly: “It's nice that people put me up there, but for me I think Messi is the best in the world.”

He insisted his knee and his backside WILL be fit for the World Cup, as Stelling sympathetically said: “The whole nation gets in a panic when you’ve got a runny nose.”

Rooney added: 'You rely on the support and service of your team-mates. Without the support of people like Antonio Valencia (who has effectively replaced Ronaldo at United and was also named in the Premier League team of the season), I wouldn't be scoring goals. A lot of what I think I've achieved personally this season is down to that support from my team-mates.”

Rooney’s stats this season – assuming he doesn’t play in those last two games against Sunderland and Stoke – are: 230 shots, 82 on target, 34 goals in total, 18 with the right foot, an unprecedented 10 with the head, six with the left foot.

He has scored 20 at home, 12 away – and those two at Wembley. Thirteen goals came in first half, 21 in the second half. Some season.

But in the Premier League at least, he could be over-taken by Didier Drogba, who is one behind him on 24, with Liverpool and Wigan to play.

The Premier League team of the season, as selected by the Premier League players: Joe Hart (Birmingham, on loan from Manchester City/England), Branislav Ivanovic (Chelsea/Serbia), Thomas Vermaelen (Arsenal/Belgium), Richard Dunne (Aston Villa/Republic of Ireland), Patrice Evra (Manchester United/France), Antonio Valencia (Manchester United/Ecuador), Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal/Spain), Darren Fletcher (Manchester United/Scotland), James Milner (Aston Villa/England), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United/England), Didier Drogba (Chelsea/Ivory Coast).

My view? Dunne is a poor man’s Terry, Fletcher can’t compete with Lampard in terms of goals or presence, Sunderland’s Darren Bent deserved a shout ahead of Drogba. He’s scored one less goal for Sunderland who have scored 47 goals to Chelsea’s 93.

Apart from that? I'd suggest Arsenal's Bacary Sagna ahead of Ivanovic at right back but I'd be showing my bias!

Otherwise, this combination, boasting players from nine nations, would be capable of taking on just about any other League Select XI in the world. Except, perhaps, for La Liga.

But then that English v. Spanish debate could dominate the World Cup at all levels this summer.

Who the hell is Neal Collins (nealcol on Twitter)? See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqck5JuZtuc or www.nealcollins.co.uk .

Livid and pissed off: How France feels about Wenger over Gallas... and it could be Capello, Ferguson and Rooney next

THE French civil war has been declared. Verbally, it's a massacre as the slightly mad Raymond Domenech gets stuck in to vaguely crazy compatriot Arsene Wenger over his selection of William Gallas against Barcelona on Wednesday.

The words "Livid", "outraged" and even "pissed off" are flying. In English. I hate to think what all that sounds like in French as Domenech, 58, an international full-back born in Lyon, leads the assault against Wenger, 60, who never got close to a French cap after being born in German-speaking Strasbourg.

And you can understand Domenech's argument. Imagine if Rio Ferdinand had been injured for months and was just approaching full fitness. After just TWO full fitness sessions he is allowed to play - and survives barely 40 minutes before a relapse of his calf strain. Now, according to Wenger and the Arsenal medics, Gallas is out for five weeks. And that could be it for France and the man they hoped would provide leadership and a solid backbone at the World Cup.

Of course, this scenario could yet happen for England boss Fabio Capello - with Ferdinand and Wayne Rooney both requiring significant nursing to get to South Africa. And don't be surprised if Spain come out with similar complaints against Wenger soon - he allowed Cesc Fabregas to play despite injuring the same leg in the same place before the Barcelona clash against Birmingham last season.

But for now, we can concentrate on the Gallas situation - and change his name to Rooney, Lampard, Fabregas or (hopefully) Messi or Ronaldo as the countdown to the big June 11 kick-off in Soccer City approaches. And as Wenger and Sir Alex Ferguson would always say: "It's the club that pays the wages."

Gallas last played on February 10 when he first went down with his calf problem. At the same time there were contract talks and Roma representatives were allegedly hovering.

Some thought we had seen the last of the Frenchman, a leader, an inspiration - and an occasional sulker. But he did battle back - and had enjoyed just two full training sessions before the Barcelona game.

I said at the time, that epic result might have ended Arsenal's season. They lost Andrei Arshavin, Fabregas and Gallas to gain a result which leaves them with little chance of progress at the Nou Camp next week. Ironically Gallas went off before half-time, after seeing the Gunners comprehensively outplayed for 42 minutes. And, like the injured Arshavin, he saw none of the goals in a magnificent come-from-behind 2-2 draw.

Afterwards, Wenger said: "I took a gamble that didn't pay off. I can say I regret that now. He will be out for a minumum of five weeks."

He didn't look all that upset in the press conference. And that didn't help Domenech's mood as he prepares for France's pre-World Cup training camp starts on May 18. Domenech, always under pressure in the French hot-seat, said: "It's outrageous and irresponsible to have played him so early after the injury. It's scandalous. I'm livid and pissed off. He'd better be fit for the World Cup."

But Wenger, like Sir Alex Ferguson when it comes to Rooney later in the month, responded: "We have to first take care of the interests of Arsenal. The French team is important but so is Arsenal and William is paid by the club, not by the French team. We have to use the players when they declare themselves fit.

"I believe he declared himself fit and I have the reports from the rehabilitation centre where he worked for 10 days and he had four days training with the team. Maybe we should have taken some more time but he was jumping, running up and down the stairs in France, and he had very hard sessions. I don't think this will cost him his World Cup."

Arshavin and Fabregas both crocked. Did the great draw with Barca bring Arsenal's season crashing down?

ANDREI ARSHAVIN has just announced on his official website that he will be out "for two or three weeks" with the calf injury he picked up at the pulsating Emirates Stadium last night.

And after their incredible 2-2 draw with Barcelona in the Champions League, Cesc Fabregas admitted: "I am not good. I fear the worst - I broke something."

This morning's reports suggest Fabregas converted the equalising penalty with a broken fibula, the smaller bone in the shin. And there is a growing realisation that the epic comeback may just have been the last hurrah of an Arsenal season which promised so much.

Without Arshavin and Fabregas, and with Robin Van Persie still out, how can Arsenal expect to challenge for the Premier League title? Or win at the Nou Camp?

On March 31, they were outplayed for an hour - more so than most of us can ever remember on their home patch - and on April 1, Gooners everywhere are admitting to feeling a little foolish.

Yes, Theo Walcott did well to put them back in the game. His searing pace and well-taken goal might even push him into the World Cup squad.

Sure, Alex Song and Samir Nasri did more than the great Lionel Messi. And Nicklas Bendtner's ball to set up the Walcott goal was quite unexpected. Manuel Almunia certainly emerges with a significantly enhanced reputation, making at least five great saves.

And we all know that both Barca's centre-backs, Pique and Puyol, will be out. But only the most one-eyed Arsenal fan (and Arsene Wenger) truly expects a miracle at the Nou Camp.

And they go into the weekend clash with Wolves without Fabregas, Arshavin and William Gallas. Wenger gambled when he allowed all three to play despite injuries. That heart-over-head philosophy has backfired.

Arshavin said on his website today: "Perhaps, I won’t be able to come out on the pitch for another two or three weeks. This is a new injury for me, not an old one.

"The other guys will try to play to win. I didn't see the comeback I was with the doctors. Now I can say only one thing: Arsenal footballers, without doubt, showed their character. Barcelona had a good start, but we found our way back."

But at what cost? Fabregas said: "We have to wait but I hope I will be able to wear the Arsenal shirt again this season.

"I took the penalty quite strong and after that I went to get the ball and then I couldn't walk any more.2

Ardent Gooners fear the next time they see Fabregas in action, he will be wearing a Barca shirt. And contract-seeking Gallas may play his next game in Roma colours. With the Arsenal trophy cabinet left gathering dust for a SIXTH successive years.

Say it ain't so, Arsene.

See also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqck5JuZtuc

Nasri does a Maradona, Bendtner does the trick, Arsenal sink Porto in a storm. High-fives all round for Gooners

SO what do you want to hear about? The Samir Nasri goal that makes Diego Maradona's 1986 effort look timid? The Emmanuel Eboue dream finish which made it 4-0 and left every Arsenal fan dreaming? Or Nicklas Bendtner's first ever professional hat-trick which made it 5-0?

Oh Porto, this wasn't a good night to come across an Arsenal side seeking their first European win from a first leg deficit for 31 years. In the end it wasn't just a first Champions League comeback, it was an apocalypse wow.

The Portuguese visitors, who relied on two bizarre Arsenal blunders to win 2-1 at the Stadeo da Dragao, were completely outplayed for the first half-hour.

Andrei Arshavin's little legs left them bemused, Alex Song didn't miss a tackle or a pass, Tomas Vermaelen and Sol Campbell were imperious at the back.

And of course there was Nicklas Bendtner, after five glaring misses against Burnley on Saturday, to stick away the first two goals and get Arsenal to half-time on a wonderful high. Bendtner had the goalkeeper stretching as he sought a hat-trick, Arshavin missed a glorious chance of his own. Any Porto in a storm? And all this without the spine of the team: William Gallas, Cesc Fabregas and Robin van Persie were up with the 60,000 in the stands.

Ruud Gullit said at half-time he was worried Arsene Wenger's wonderboys couldn't sustain the pace. To an extent he was right. But just when Gooners were beginning to worry, Nasri - having saved a Porto header off the line at one end - produced the Mardona goal. He jinked his way through four defenders - clean around the outside of one of them - and stuck the ball in off the far post from the narrowest of angles.

The roars had barely died down when, 150 seconds later, Gael Clichy''s headed clearance reached Arshavin, who ran 50 yards before releasing the ever-popular sub Eboue. One of 13 children from the Ivory Coast, popular in the dressing-room and increasingly talismanic outside it, Eboue took a touch past the keeper and stuck it away with his left foot. Game over. What a night.

By the time sub Theo Walcott, the subject of my delirious preview, emerged, it was all over. Andy Gray was reduced to claiming the Portuguese League is rubbish, neatly overlooking Porto's Champions League success with Jose Mourinho in 2003. As he came off, Nasri took a standing ovation. And when Eboue was felled for the last-minute penalty (wish we had this ref every week) up stepped Nicklas Bendtner for his first-ever hat-trick. Bosh!

Bendtner said afterwards: "Today I put it right. Every time I play a game I put it behind me. The Burnley game was forgotten. It was good for me to score early.

"I haven't seen Andrey win a header before, so it was good for my first ball. I didn't know you get to keep the ball for a hat-trick!

"When we got the penalty, all the guys just wished me luck."

Wenger said: "Bendtner shows how quickly football can change but I hope he doesn't get too confident! I hope it gives him the desire to work even harder.

"Maybe it's good for us to play an English team in the quarter-final. We haven't done well against Chelsea and Manchester United this season, I have a funny feeling it would be a good opportunity we can do it against them."

Graeme Souness chose to inform us that the tackling was poor for Nasri's wondergoal, but he wouldn't last five minutes in the current card-happy climate.

It was a goal to wonder at, a goal which will be watched for years to come. Shut it Souey. Forget it Gray. For one night only, Arsenal are the best team on the planet. End of.