Hair today, gone tomorrow: how I was scalped live on eTV Sunrise thanks to Bafana's blow-out

THIS all started with Ray White (www.twitter.com/raywhitesa) when he asked me to talk about South Africa playing a very young Norway on Talk Radio 702 (www.twitter.com/radio702) on Tuesday. I casually said to him: "If they lose to this bunch of Vikings, I'll shave all my hair off."

And of course when I went on air, I repeated my ridiculously optimistic promise. The scenes above took place before my weekly appearance on eTV Sunrise. Hairy, but necessary.

I'd spoken to Bafana Bafana coach Gordon Igesund on the Early Breakfast, he'd sounded so confident, so happy about his "Dream Team" as they prepared for the African Cup of Nations, which kicks off on January 19 at Soccer City.

Cutting edge: Sunrise's Desiree the depilator

Five hours later, there we were, watching a packed Cape Town Stadium - sold out with nearly 35,000 in the ground - lament the continuing woes of their national football team in the penultimate friendly before hosting AFCON 2013.

Katlego Mphela, the man who suffered sore Kneeskens until Johan left Mamelodi Sundowns, nearly got an early goal but there was nothing Itumeleng Khune could do when Tarik Elyounoussi, the Norwegian captain (ironically a Moroccan who moved to Scandinavia aged 12), scored the only goal four minutes before half-time.
Mphela, still showing signs of ring rust after his long injury lay-off, was replaced in the second-half but even with all three of his other strikers on, Igesund's Bafana couldn't produce an equaliser, let alone a winner.

Thusa Phala, the unknown Platinum Stars midfielder, was voted man of the match for his second half destruction of the young Viking left back... but he, like Majoro, Parker and Rantie, failed to find the net despite numerous chances.

Chiskop meets Gord: me at Monte Casino on January 10, 2013 with the
Bafana Bafana manager Gordon Igesund who has, idirectly, become
my barber. He told me at the SuperSport AFCON launch: "I think it suits
you!" He also revealed: "I haven't played my best side yet."

What was it Pitso Mosimane, the previous Bafana boss said? "South Africans can't score goals at international level". Oh how the injured Benni McCarthy, despite his weight and age, is missed.

Igesund produced some brave after match comments after a depressing defeat, insisting: "We will be hard to beat at AFCON, I'm disappointed but I still believe we are starting to show our worth as a unit."

As Gordon's greatest fan, I have to say that's a little optimistic. With Algeria to come in the final friendly in Johannesburg on Saturday, it's cheeky outsider Cape Verde at Soccer City to open AFCON on January 19. The Group A fixtures will be completed by games against Angola and Morocco at the Moses Mabhida Stadium in Durban.

Close shave: with Sindy Mabe

Anything less than six points is likely to bring a repeat of the 2010 World Cup scenario under Carlos Alberto Parreira, when South Africa became the first hosts not to emerge from the pool stages. I'm predicting another four-point failure - at the World Cup, South Africa drew with Mexico, lost to a Diego Forlan-inspired Uruguay and beat falling stars France but failed to qualify by a single goal-post.

Captain Bongani Khumalo gave a more realistic appraisal of the situation, confessing: "We have a lot of work to do," but in his public school English, he added: "We will be ready by January 19."

Sadly, my hair won't. My spirit of optimism, forged in the face of bickering, negative Orlando Pirates and Kaizer Chiefs fans complaining about the composition of Gordon's Bafana - I'm not sure Andile Jali, Sifiso Myeni or Sundowner Teko Modise would really have made a difference - has taken a serious knock.

But hey, hair today, gone tomorrow I say. I continue to trust Gordon. At least until half-time against the minnows from the volcanic islands 250 miles west of Africa. And having been compared to Chester Missing, Ed Jordan and Kojak after my barbaric haircut, I have to say, optimism grows on you.

Spot the bald: at the eTV studios in Hyde Park, Joburg

I will baldly go to the final frontier with Gordon and his Boys. He knows as well as anybody failure to reach the last four will result in summary dismissal from the hottest South African seat outside of Nkandla.

So I wear my "chiskop" with pride, charging R5 to charity for every passing slap on my shaven pate. And I'd gladly do it again. Thanks Desiree, the ETV Sunrise make-up lady who had never shaved a head in her life.

And thank you future president Sindy Mabe for removing the hair from my eyes during the interview. Thanks Neo Monyetsane and Pholoho Selebano for making me live up to my promise.

Sooner or later, the missus will forgive me. Until then, I will be saving on the shampoo and hair-drier.
And if we get to the final on February 10 and lose to the Ivory Coast, Zambia, Ghana or Nigeria, I'll happily do it all again.

Bird-watching: A morning with Zeca Marques, MTN8 winner and all-round good guy

Trophy hunters: Chase Carneson, Zeca Marques and I at eTV Sunrise on Monday

WHEN Moroka Swallows boss Zeca Marques celebrated the Dube Birds’ flyaway 2-1 success in the MTN8 final on Saturday night, the sharp-eyed may have noticed a smiling Gordon Igesund in the background, gently clapping his hands in appreciation of a job well done.

While the busy little figure of Gavin Hunt was putting on a brave face after seeing his SuperSport United throw away a 1-0 lead, the stage belonged to Marques, who has now - officially - earned the nick-name Majazana for throwing his much-dry-cleaned jacket about in celebration.

I had the privilege of appearing with Marques, 51, on the eTV Sunrise couch yesterday morning; we discovered we’d played against each other in the 1980s, he for Troyeville, me for Berea Park. And we dug deep in to his footballing philosophy in the guest room while we waited to appear with the glittering MTN8 trophy.

Marques, born in Portugal but raised in Johannesburg, is keen on forging links with Porto, his hometown club, and he’s eager to send top young Swallows to Europe, while bringing useful young professionals to Dobsonville from abroad.

He wants to see a return to the days of local clubs drawing local crowds in local leagues. He wants to find centre-backs who know how to clear the ball, not get caught in possession. He is full of fresh ideas and positive energy.

But it’s when he talks about his team, his job, his new life, you start to realise what a special bloke Marques is: “I live by the three Fs,” he explains, “Firm, Fair, Friendly. I want my lads to enjoy training. I want them to see me as a father figure, not just a disciplinarian. The days of treating the players like robots is over.

“I sent them all a text yesterday and you should have seen their replies. What I realised, winning my first trophy after just two months in charge, is that we have a special family in the Bird’s nest. A spirit, a togetherness.” 

But Bafana Bafana boss Igesund, the man who took the Birds from fast-failing fledglings to title-tilting titans in less than a season, deserves a share of Saturday night’s success, the first since Swallows lifted the Nedbank Cup three years ago.

Though he was lured away to coach the national team during the off-season, Igesund can look proudly on a squad which includes so many of the rejects, veterans and cast-offs he forged in to a teak-tough team last season.

Marques, Igesund’s former No 2, said: “Gordon and I are friends. We talk all the time. Even though he is the international manager, we exchange advice both ways. Working under him was a vital step in my career.

“You can't change a winning formula. Youth is great, but you have to have balance. There's a vision with the club, and we know the older players won't last forever, so we're building the youngsters up slowly.”

And of course, Swallows are fashionable again. After years of flapping about in the footballing wilderness, Igesund and Marques have the Birds soaring again. Marques grinned: “People tended to forget about Swallows. “The Birds” has a lot of history but it’s been a while. 

“I think with this MTN8 win, the players can start believing. We can compete with ,  the best teams in the league, and we've got to believe that. 

“I have a technical team and they make my life easy. There's a game-plan for all of us. It's a new lease of life for the Swallows. This is not the last trophy we’ll bring to Dobsonville. It's just the first.”

A shorter version of this story appeared as my Neal and Pray column in The New Age newspaper today. Read The New Age every Tuesday, watch eTV Sunrise and eNCAnews every Monday - and in my new role as a radio producer, tune in to Early Breakfast on 702 and CapeTalk every day.

Lucky Lekgwathi exclusive: How Orlando Pirates made history

NEO MONYETSANE, eTV Sunrise's news reader and sports editor, is the man I have to thank this morning. Not only did Neo and his flat-mate Sephiri Molusi entertain the gang royally on Saturday night, Neo also managed to sneak in a text to Orlando Pirates between their epic title defence and Chelsea's streaky Champions League win.

As a result, when I turned up to do Classic Play in the pre-dawn darkness, Neo came rushing over: "Lucky Lekgwathi is coming in!"

And that was it. After over a year of great broadcasting with the Sunrise crew, we were off to our best Monday morning ever. The first South African broadcaster to interview the champions' captain with the coveted trophy.

The 35-year-old Bucca-Bucca hero was superb. Quietly spoken, modest, knowledgeable, frank.

Our session with Stacey Holland and Lenn Moleko on Classic Play oozed inside information and from-the-horse's-mouth detail.

Lucky, scorer of the first goal in Saturday's 4-2 win over Golden Arrows at a packed Moses Mabhida stadium in Durban, told us: "When we went 2-1 down, we didn't panic. We were nervous but we knew we had to concentrate on our game. We knew a win would see us retain the title. We showed character, we have that at Pirates. We did the job."

Did they. After Lekgwathi's diving header - a classic in reading the game before the defenders - Pirates goalkeeper Moeneeb Josephs blundered to let Dylan Sheppard's soft effort under his body, then former Buccaneer Katlego Mashego curled home a beauty to blow the South African title race wide open, just as I'd hoped for the past seven weeks.

Pirates responded through the excellent Siyabonga Sangweni and we were level at half-time. Lucky recalled: "We knew what we had to do. Go out and win it in the second half. For the family, for the fans."

Ironically, as Moroka Swallows desperately sought the winner at the Harry Gwala stadium against Maritzburg United 40 minutes away, Benni McCarthy was beginning to tire. Just like that other 34-year-old Didier Drogba in Munich a few hours later, Benni looked finished.

But then, just as Swallows produced the Lefa Tutsulupa goal that would have won them the title on goal difference, McCarthy got his head on a long throw to put Pirates in front. Stunning.

But still, Pirates were one accurate Arrow from disaster. Until Benni struck again, his tenth goal of the season, this time another stunning free-kick. Game over. Title over. Season over.

Gordon Igesund, who will be named ABSA coach of the season this week, and 20-goal top scorer Siyabonga Nomvethe, who will be named player of the season, both slumped when the news filtered through. Like Manchester City's epic title triumph over old rivals United the week before, Swallows had to accept the runners-up spot. Not bad for a side of rejects, alcoholics and veterans who narrowly avoided relegation last season.

For Lekgwathi and pals, McCarthy had sealed a sixth trophy in less than two years. Lucky, born in Ga-Rankuwa north of Pretoria, grinned: "When I joined Pirates in 2002 Augusto Palacios was my first coach. We didn't win a trophy for nine years. Now my arms are tired from lifting the cups!"

And what of McCarthy, the hero of the hour while his former club West Ham were propelling themselves back in to the Premier League? He arrived in South Africa at the start of the season with Upton Park's chairwoman Karren Brady calling him a fat failure. Has there ever been a more complete recovery?

Lekgwathi grinned: "Benni has been an inspiration since he arrived. He motivates on the pitch. And he still scores goals. He's been brilliant for us."

For Lekgwathi, at 35, there is talk of retirement. I pointed out Ryan Giggs is still going at 40. Lucky smiled: "I will try to do that. I'm still in good shape. There are more seasons left in these legs."

Throughout the two appearances on eTV and eNews, we were plagued by eager workers trying to get a picture of the Pirates skipper and the silverware he lifts with such panache. He never shirked a fan, never stopped smiling.

The man is a giant. His last-gasp goal against SuperSport United was the strike that scuppered my prediction that Moroka Swallows would come from nowhere to snatch the title. Yet, as I pointed out last week here, his name appears nowhere on the list of ABSA nominations.

My player of the season? Lehlohonolo “Lucky” Lekgwathi. But he can't win it if he hasn't been nominated, so Nomvethe will sweep the boards with his epic 20 goals for Swallows.

And on the thorny question of caretaker boss Augusto Palacios remaining in charge next season? Can Pirates really send him back to coach the juniors after firing championship-winning Ruud Krol last season? For the answer to that, you'll have to read my Neal & Pray column in www.thenewage.co.za tomorrow. It's not long to wait...