
"Sadly when the technology fails... and that means that some engineer has failed to do his job... they must find a scapegoat, and the umpire is an easy target because we can't fight back... usually.
ANDREW STRAUSS was out first ball at The Wanderers this morning as the fourth and final Test between England and South Africa got underway amid incredible scenes.
The captain was soon followed by Jonathan Trott, Kevin Pietersen and Alastair Cook as England found themselves 39-4 after 9.4 overs with Paul Collingwood and Ian Bell required to produce their now-traditional rearguard action within 45 minutes of the start on the opening morning.
South Africa’s opening pair, Morne Morkel (6-1-20-3) and the world’s top ranked Test bowler Dale Steyn (6-0-26-1) were almost unplayable in their opening barrage.
Fortunately, they were replaced by two debutants – Ryan McLaren and Wayne Parnell – and the resilient Collingwood (44) and Bell (19) began the business of resurrecting England’s innings, going to lunch at 100-4, having added 61 for the fifth wicket.
Thank God for Colly (my old netting partner, see picture) is the cry. The hero of Cardiff, Centurion and Newlands, the man described by coach Andy Flower as “Our typical British Bulldog” is carrying four separate injuries. But he celebrated the end of the first session by slapping Jacques Kallis for six over square leg. Some guy.
But what a opening spell we had. An assault on the senses shared by a crowd of around 8,000 as the press box, packed with former Test stars, went into meltdown.
Steyn got things underway after Strauss – near-perfect with the coin on in this series - had done his usual thing and won the toss. The England captain’s decision to bat is something he will have to live with for the rest of his career.
There was a hushed silence for the opening ball of a Test England only have to draw to clinch the series. Then Strauss turned that first delivery of the day straight into what the stadium commentator instantly described as “the magic hands of Hashim Amla” at short leg. Great catch. Uproar.
England’s stunned Barmy Army, who had their traditional chorus of Jerusalem drowned out by the sound system at the “Bull Ring”, were immediately silenced. Strauss had become the 28th person dismissed on the first ball of a Test, a fate which befell the great Sunil Gavaskar three times. Last time this happened to England? Stan Worthington in Brisbane against the Australians. You won’t remember Stan. He did that back in 1936.
Ball two from Steyn flew inches wide of Jonathan Trott’s off-stump and reports of a bowlers’ paradise had been confirmed in a matter of seconds.
Groundsman Steve Scott was told to prepare a result wicket by South Africa coach Mickey Stewart, whose side need to win here to square the series at 1-1 and retain the Basil D’Oliviera trophy. It worked like a charm, but only because Strauss chose to bat. And he knew all about the South African scheming.
The first over ended with England 3-1, nerves still jangling. Back in 1999, when the Wanderers hosted the first Test between these two sides, the carnage went on all day as England were skittled for 122 and went on to lose by an innings and 21 runs. Yesterday, out on the balcony overlooking this huge arena, I talked to then-captain Nasser Hussain about that epic morning a decade ago. Surely Straussie would have been told about it? Surely he must have known what it can be like here on the first morning?
Morkel’s first over from the other end was equally worrying. His third ball was edged by Trott for four. His second beat the bat completely. The sixth did for him, plumb LBW, England 7-2. Trott, who had swung at everything he could see, almost walked. A bizarre five-run, eight-ball innings of swishes and hopeful prods. What was he thinking?
Pietersen emerged to a reasonable reception given he spent his formative years in South Africa - and he appeared to have settled, hitting the first genuine four of the morning off Morkel as he settled in with Alastair Cook at the other end.
But three balls later, on seven runs from 16 balls, he did what he has been doing all tour. Made a rash decision just as he was beginning to look good. He went for the big pull, didn’t quite make it and Wayne Parnell took a sharp catch at mid-on. England were 32-3. It was all so fast, the poor bloke, making his debut, even thought about a shy at the stumps after taking the catch.
Cook, somehow keeping his sanity at the other end as three South Africa-born English batsmen perished, was next, Morkel’s third victim. His LBW decision went for review and though it looked like a no-ball, the decision stood. England coach Andy Flower went to the match referee to complain, but by then it was too late. Far too late. Cook was gone for 21 off 31 balls and England were past shock and into intensive care at 39-4.
Collingwood and Bell survived the last of the Steyn-Morkel onslaught and they relaxed visibly when two debutants – Ryan McLaren and Wayne Parnell – were handed their first overs in Test cricket. But already this entire 20-day Test series has swung South Africa’s way.
Thing is, Arthur finally has his dream attack here. Right from the start of the series, there was a feeling Makhaya Ntini was past it, but they had to pick him for Centurion and Durban, where he won his 100th and 101st caps but took just two wickets for plenty.
Friedel De Wet, the Johannesburg-based paceman who replace him in Cape Town, is 29 and apparently the choice of head of selectors Mike Procter. He did his back in after just five overs at Newlands.
So here, by default, Arthur has Steyn and Morkel on top form plus Parnell – described by Kent team-mate Robert Key as “the new Wasim Akram” – making his debut in place of De Wet and all-rounders McLaren and fit-again Jacques Kallis.
It’s some attack that. And if they want a spinner, they can always turn to JP Duminy, who turns it more than their specialist spinner Paul Harris, axed for McLaren this morning.
England are in trouble here – and they must survive without their best batsman. Yes, Graham Onions, the world’s greatest No11, is out. The legend is no more. Replaced by Ryan Sidebottom, who can swing it a bit. He’ll have to swing it a lot to turn this one around.
ALASTAIR COOK proved his match-changing century in Durban was no flash in the pan as he produced another unflashy but vital 65 for England in Cape Town today.
The Essex opener kept his head on an incredible morning when the sound of wickets falling echoed constantly off the dramatic cliffs of neighbouring Table Mountain. With England 1-0 up in the four-match series, the second Test is now back in the balance as we approach the end of a sizzling day two with day three threatening temperatures of over 40 degrees.
Cook, generally regarded as a future England captain, survived the loss of current leader Andrew Strauss, the fiddling Jonathan Trott and the reckless Kevin Pietersen before losing a fourth partner in Paul Collingwood with the score a wobbly 73-4.
But Cookie didn’t crumble and when he was joined by Ian Bell, another centurion in Durban, the South African attack hit the wall. Cook needed 14 balls before he scored his first runs – a four off Morne Morkel – and he produced his second scoring shot off his 37th ball. Hardly sparkling stuff.
But they survived a torrid session before tea to frustrate the South Africans, who were skittled for 291 this morning. Cook was finally out – Morkel’s third victim – caught by Ashwell Prince off a weak pull shot after 136 balls and nearly four hours of resistance.
Bell (38), who had added 60 off 26 overs with Cook for the fifth wicket, was left to lead the resistance with wicketkeeper Matt Prior (6) at 133-5 and they had taken the score on to 154-5 without further loss midway through the final session.
But at least they had returned this Test to some sort of sanity. At the start of day two, South Africa lost four wickets in the first 17 balls for 12 runs to slump from 279-6 to 291 all out. Incredible. If all Tests went the way of this morning’s first four overs we’d see all four innings completed by lunch-time on day one with just over 100 runs on the board.
But Jimmy Anderson’s five wicket haul was soon forgotten as captain Strauss fell first over to Morkel for two. Trott stayed for 36 balls before he was bowled by Dale Steyn – the world’s top ranked bowler who doesn’t even open for South Africa any more – for 20.
The eternally disappointing Pietersen lasted just two balls before Steyn completed a neat caught-and-bowled duck. And when Morkel finally got rid of Collingwood, lbw, for 19 off 44 balls, England were in deep trouble at 73-4.
Cook showed them how to do it, refusing to nibble outside the off-stump and relying largely on the odd flick around the corner to add to his tally.
Just twice in 136 balls he actually played with any force on the off-side, and he had to wait until the arrival of non-spinning Paul Harris to slap two fours and raise the tempo with Bell often becalmed at the other end.
THERE have been very few days like this in Test cricket. Newlands echoed to the clatter of seven South African wickets before lunch and one Englishman after the break. And this, the experts assured us this morning, is a good batting track.
Day two of the third Test began with the last four South Africans dismissed for 12 runs in 17 balls. Three further South African-born Englishmen, Andrew Strauss, Jonathan Trott and Kevin Pietersen, fell as the tourists attempted to make headway on a supposedly friendly 22-yard-strip which has turned fiendish overnight (but the fans love it, see lunchtime picture).
Incredible. If all Tests went the way of this morning’s first four overs (five wickets, 23 balls, 14 runs), we’d see all four innings completed by lunch-time on day one with just over 100 runs on the board.
As it is, a semblance of normality has returned to this wonderful ground, nestled beneath the cliffs of Table Mountain. Alastair Cook’s on 31 and Ian Bell has just arrived at the crease. England are 74-4, still 217 behind, after losing Johannesburg-born opener Andrew Strauss for two, Cape Town-born fiddler Jonathan Trott for 20 and Pietermaritzburg-born waster Kevin Pietersen, brilliantly caught and bowled by Dale Steyn for a duck.
Paul Collingwood, batting with the left index finger he dislocated during the triumphant second Test in Durban, became the first English-born player to fall today, plumb lbw to Morne Morkel for 19 off 44 balls just after lunch.
England captain Strauss became the fifth victim of the day off the final ball of the first over of England’s innings, bowled by the excellent Morkel. It was a dreadful, flat-footed attempt at a drive which deviated firmly into the gloves of Mark Boucher.
But the real fireworks had already come and gone with the real South Africans.
Jacques Kallis? Gone to his first ball of the day on his overnight 108. Dale Steyn? He shuffled off cricket's mortal coil at the start of the next over. Morne Morkel lasted three balls, Friedel De Wet four. South Africa were all out for 291, 17 balls after resuming with their overnight 279-6. Incredible stuff.
South Africans were talking about their side getting to 350 with chanceless centurion Kallis and promoted paceman Steyn looking solid for 17 overs and 64 runs last night.
But this morning they were confounded on a day which, surprisingly, dawned bright and clear, without the usual 'table-cloth' of cloud rolling over Table Mountain.
After Steyn's opening leg bye off Graham Onions' first ball of the day, Kallis, the 34-year-old man mountain of South African batting who averages nearly 70 at his old home ground, may have been hoping to move close to a double century here.
But he received an unplayable snorter from the Durham seamer, got the edge to one that nipped away off a length, and Matt Prior took the catch amid much jubilation - 280-7. Big, big wicket.
Then came Jimmy Anderson's first ball of the morning from the other end. Kerpow! Steyn was gone, brilliantly caught in the slips by Jonathan Trott, playing on his old home ground.
The eighth ball of the day saw the demise of Morne Morkel, who was supposed to be able to bat a bit, again sensationally caught, this time at second slip by Graeme Swann, who dropped South African captain Graeme Smith so badly yesterday.
And we only had a wasteful Onions over to wait before last man Friedel De Wet went lbw to complete Anderson's five-wicket haul - even a last-gasp review couldn't save him.
Anderson ended with 5-63 after a fairy-tale morning which offered a return of seven balls, three wickets for one run. It doesn’t get much better than that.
Trott, who took guard three of four times this morning and scratched a hole in the crease deep enough to replace some of the inland gold mines, had been the subject of some debate overnight.
South African batsman AB De Villiers said his team have had just about enough of the time-consuming fidgeting at the crease. And the crowd were growing angry about it too.
Team-mate Graeme Swann grinned: "It's not something he's been working on. I can understand South Africa's frustrations. I've called him all sorts of names for Nottinghamshire over the years. He's done it every year against me when I've played against him. It's nice to see somebody else getting angry about it!
"It's just Trotty; it's how he bats, how he goes about things. He's got a very organised and very clear gameplan. It's part of cricket. Not everyone bats at the same tempo. The crowd have noticed it but I think it may be something to do with where he was born as well."
De Villiers said: "Our captain Graeme Smith is dealing with it, and the umpires are aware of that. All our bowlers have got little rhythms in their run-ups and it's frustrating to them.
"Graeme is talking to the umpires and to Trotty as well. He's listening, but I think it's a tactic. We'll try and use it to our advantage tomorrow.
"It's a tactic that might get him into trouble soon if he carries on doing it."
With Pietersen batting at a reasonable rate... and finding the boundary, few tears will be shed for Trott's demise this morning.
And at that juncture of the east and south stands here, the Barmy Army are settling in with Jimmy Saville - real name Vic Flower - apparently fully recovered from the Boxing Day assault mentioned here yesterday. The Natal Mercury, the local morning paper I worked for from 1980 to 1983 - were on the phone three times yesterday about the story and ran it on their front page today.
Who needs newspapers when you've got my blog! That said, I'm off to the beach. It's hot!