The heat is on... and England lose their grip in Cape Town

ENGLAND were brutally batted out of the third Test at Newlands today as South African captain Graeme Smith produced his first century of the series in the Cape Town heat.

Backed-up in a record second wicket partnership by Hashim Amla, who scored a ton in the opening Test at Centurion, South Africa had no trouble building a lead of nearly 250 as they attempt to level the series at 1-1 with one to play.
The tourists, struggling to stay in the game for two days, started this morning 50 runs behind as they attempted to engineer a win that would seal a series victory.
But hopes of building a first innings lead were soon dashed when paceman Morne Morkel struck in the first over of the day to remove Graeme Swann and James Anderson in consecutive balls.
Despite the defiance of Matt Prior, who top-scored for England with 76 off 118 deliveries, the tourists were still 18 runs shy of South Africa’s total when their first innings ended.
Swann claimed the early wicket of struggling opener Ashwell Prince (15) but Smith (103 off 170) and Amla (89 off 133) guided South Africa to 224-1 midway through the final session as England wilted in the sun.

It might be difficult to appreciate on television in freezing Britain, but the 40 degree heat here is a serious factor. Ryan Sidebottom, the unselected seamer sweating in the nets (above) behind the main stand, has just told me: “This is the hottest we have ever known. Durban gets humid, but the heat here is unbelievable today.”

And former South African paceman Fanie De Villiers agreed: “It’s dangerous. Ten minutes in the sun here is like two hours in the British summer sun. I really worry about the Barmy Army out there with their shirts off. We could see plenty of them in hospital tonight. That’s how bad it is.”

Swann, forced to sweat through over after over in England's four-man attack, was second only to Australia’s Mitchell Johnson in the Test wicket-taking stakes last year with 54 victims and showed his value again here today.

The Nottinghamshire spinner made it 17 wickets in the series when he trapped Prince (15) lbw. He tried a desperate referral to third umpire Aleem Dar claiming he may have got a touch, but he was soon on his way, with England’s hot and bothered fielders offering some choice advice as he departed with the score 31 — that’s South Africa’s best opening partnership of the series so far, by four runs.
Resuming on 241-7 England lost Swann after three balls before Jimmy Anderson suffered his first ever golden duck, both falling to the superb Morkel, who ended with five for 75 off 22 overs.
But wicketkeeper Matt Prior, on 52 overnight, refused to buckle and — with Durham’s Graham ‘Bunny’ Onions at the other end — eventually fell for 76 when he edged Dale Steyn, the world’s top-ranked Test bowler, onto his stumps.
By then, he and Onions had reduced the lead from 50 to 18, and it was still anybody’s game.
Meanwhile, England have strongly denied allegations that Kevin Pietersen threw beer over a fan, who abused him.
England’s media manager Andrew Walpole said: “Neither Kevin Pietersen nor any of the other England players were involved in any kind of incident.
“There was no beer thrown from our balcony. There was absolutely no truth in the story. We are very angry and we are in contact with the ECB lawyers in London over this story. It is complete rubbish.”

Should England not win the match then it is set up for a series decider with the fourth Test starting in Johannesburg next Thursday.

England under fire from sun and The Sun, but emphatically deny KP threw beer at fans

ENGLAND came out fighting this morning after Kevin Pietersen was accused of throwing beer over South African fans.

While Andrew Strauss’s men fought for survival on the hottest day in Cape Town this summer, back home in freezing England they were under attack in The Sun newspaper after they ran a story headlined: “KP in beer fling fury at fans.”

Though today’s edition of The Sun will not be available in South Africa until next week, it is clearly flagged up in the on-line edition and has created a stir with over 5,000 Barmy Army fans in Cape Town for the closely contested third Test.

England’s media manager Andrew Walpole, a former Daily Mail journalist, told me: “Don’t go near that story, Neal. It’s a complete fabrication. Neither Kevin Pietersen nor any of the other England players were involved in any kind of incident.

“There was no beer thrown from our balcony. A freelance gave The Sun the story and we told them last night there was absolutely no truth in it.

“We are very angry and we are in contact with the ECB lawyers in London over this story. It is complete rubbish.”

But the story has been picked up by many of the cricketing web sites and respun, which will make life hard for the under pressure Pietersen, who was born in South Africa but chose to play for England.

The Sun quote a local fan, Socrates Georgiades, 37, as saying: " It was great to see him get out for a duck so we decided to give him some stick and sang 'Pietersen is a knob' a couple of times.

"Jonathan Trott and the other England boys were laughing at us. You could see they were treating it as good-natured banter. But Pietersen got nasty and retaliated by throwing beer all over us.

“Clearly the pressure is getting to him. Pietersen should have taken it on the chin. The Barmy Army do this sort of thing the whole day."

Jon Etheridge, the Sun journalist whose name appeared on the story, told me: "It was filed by a freelance and he's standing by it. But I think we're taking it off the website and it would be very out of character for KP. He's been on a charm offensive throughout this tour."

Pietersen has certainly taken more stick in Cape Town than he did in the drawn first Test in Centurion or during England’s huge win at his former home ground in Durban after Christmas.

And though the former captain has scored a few runs – including a fine 81 in Centurion which was ended by a suicidal run-out – he has succeeded in getting himself out again and again in this series just when he looked set to dominate. Yesterday’s second-ball duck came at a particularly bad time for England, who slumped to 36-3 with his dismissal.

Matt Prior’s unbeaten 76 helped push the tourists to within 18 of South Africa’s first innings 291 this morning and the ever-reliable Graeme Swann, toiling in the heat, dislodged an unhappy Ashwell Prince lbw for 15.

Prince, who had earlier survived on a referral after being given out caught behind, went to the television umpire Aleem Dar again but the electronic finger was firmly raised and South Africa were 31-1, 58 ahead with nine wickets in hand.

By lunch, they had moved on, worryingly, to 56-1 with Smith on 22 and Hashim Amla 14. The local Red Cross are saying "our biggest fear is a death in the crowd" as the temperatures soar.

Boxing Day Test. Tea, day one. Kallis and Smith, No1 and 2 in the little-known Most Boring Test Batsmen rankings, sponsored by Slumberland

THE beer queues now stretch all the way across the back of the South Stand at Kingsmead. And most of the way around the ground. It's Boxing Day and amid the festive hats, there are fat men dressed as fairies, fatter men with women's panties on.

Personally I'd like to see England captain Andrew Strauss out there in the pinkest of pink briefs... and coach Andy Flower in the finest fairy wings. Their reward for refusing to pick Ryan Sidebottom in place of batsman Ian Bell, thus adding a fifth bowler to their sweltering attack on day one of the second Test.

It might have felt great when England had South Africa 10-2 this morning. First Jimmy Anderson got opener Ashwell Prince for two, caught at second slip by Graeme Swann. Then Stuart Broad rapped Hashim Amla on the pads dead in front for the same score.

But once the stubborn Jacques Kallis came out to join captain Graeme Smith, who won the toss and opted to bat, the fun stopped. Abruptly. These are, respectively, the world's 10th and 11th best Test batsmen. They are also No1 and 2 in the rankings of the little appreciated Most Boring Men In Test Cricket category, sponsored by Slumberland.

Chances have been few and far between as the world's two least exciting, but technically proficient, batsmen grind out a stand now worth 140 for the third wicket. At tea, South Africa are gradually going away from us, as I predicted this morning, with the score moving on from 67-2 at lunch to 151-2 after 56 excruciating overs.

Michael Owen-Smith, the fabulously deadpan Cricket South Africa spokesman, has just told a hushed press box Smith is bravely batting on despite "a contusion on his index finger".

And, distressingly, England resorted to giving Jonathan Trott a bowl before lunch. A part-time bowler who once took seven wickets in an innings against Kent, Trott is by no means a rip-em-up paceman. A dibbly-dobbler at best, though Matt Prior, by no means a wicket-keeper-batsman, chose to stand back to his plodding pace, allowing Smith and Kallis the space to make hay while the sun shines, though the clouds are closing in.

Then, before tea, we had Kevin Pietersen on. He was a bit of a bowler here in his early days as a Pietermaritzburg-born local lad. Took four big wickets for the Dolphins against Nasser Hussain's England in 1999. He obviously believes he's still a bowler. He opened with himself when he captaineed an IPL franchise last year, with some success. Sadly, even the magical talents of KP failed to eke a wicket out of the increasingly lifeless Kingsmead track, though his arrival did awaken the crowd from their drunken, sun-induced slumber for a second.

Apparently, when he came on to bowl, Matt Prior, another South African-born Englishman, shouted: "Come on People's Champion!"

Swann finally ended the partnership on 160, getting Kallis, on 75, to edge one to Collingwood. In came AB De Villiers and immediately dispatched Swann to the boundary, skipping up the pitch on his first ball. Now that's entertainment - if you're a South African!

Still, there are reasons to be cheerful, apart from the bikini-clad beauties, mostly female, striding around the ground as their sunburnt men get too drunk to stand.

Up in the second tier of the South Stand, the Dashing Dozen from Living With The Lions are standing firm (see picture above). I'll try to get these names right... Mark and Mary, the big Somerset fans, Colin from York who spent Christmas Eve and most of Christmas Day in an airport after a cancelled flight, Fred the umpire and Sylvia, also from the west, Mark and Claire, who wears a hotel shower cap in the pool (which is not good when the South African team are looking down from their hotel rooms). Then there's the Burnley-shirt wearing family and Brett Lingley, our faithful tour leader.

They seem to be having a good time despite England's demise. And they haven't got air-conditioning... or those ubiquitous jugs of beer.

Good solid Barmy Army fans. Hoping for a wicket. Hoping England aren't too hot and bothered with just four real bowlers to rotate. We live in hope... official attendance today? 17,364.