Theron handles the balls with aplomb

BALLS won't be kicked, caught or smashed today. And they won't be handled by Thierry Henry. They'll just be plucked. Hopefully at random. The World Cup draw in Cape Town tonight has really captured the imagination, it dominates every media outlet.

There are two good reasons for this. Cape Town in summer is paradise, so all the heavyweight correspondents have had this one in their diaries for months. And to make things even more welcoming, the actress Charlize Theron - the first African to win an Oscar in 2004 (pictured) - is handling the balls.

And just to spice things up even further, yesterday, during rehearsals, she pulled out the French ball and exclaimed: "Ireland."

So clearly this is no Hollywood airhead. Theron, born in Benoni near Johannesburg, actually witnessed her alcoholic father being killed by her mother. After that gritty start, she left to act and model in Milan and then Los Angeles and has been living with Irish actor Stuart Townsend since 2004. Oh, and she also runs a charity which provides football grounds for young African footballers. What a woman. Yes, I know far too much about a non-sports star on this occasion.

We can only hope she repeats the Ireland joke today. It cannot be made enough times. You don't need an Irish boyfriend to explain why France don't deserve to be in the hat after Thierry Henry's blatant handball in Paris three weeks ago.

Sadly, that's now history. Today we must focus on the draw and, simultaneously, England's attempts to get their 2018 World Cup bid back on track.

David Beckham is there for both causes. And he's making all the right noises. Hoping to become the first Englishman to play in four World Cup finals, the veteran of 115 caps said: "When you go into a World Cup, I don't think you worry about who you're playing against It's great to be seeded and I am surprised that France are not, but if you want to go all the way you're going to play the best teams at some point. Whoever you come up against, it doesn't really matter."

I guess that's true, but it would be far easier if England came out of the hat with New Zealand, Algeria and Slovenia than the worst case scenario of well-organised USA, Ivory Coast - unbeaten in 18 games - and France or Cristiano Ronaldo's Portugal, our nemesis.

Personally I'm much more worried about the views of a Daily Telegraph journalist called Flanagan, who talked this week about "months of negative media attention focusing on poor local ticket sales, acute accommodation shortages, crime and transport problems". What tosh. This World Cup is Africa's first. It's going to be tough enough without that kind of negativity.

Mind you, if England are drawn to play Didier Drogba's Ivorians in Nelspruit... but enough negativity!

Sepp Blatter will be flanked by new South African president Jacob Zuma after a video message from Nelson Mandela at the draw. Diego Mardona, who once claimed the balls are warmed to aid the draw (perish the thought) is banned but Eusebio, born in neighbouring Mocambique, will be there, as will Makaya Ntini, the greatest of South Africa's black cricketers. Ironically, when the draw starts at 5pm English time, his Protea team-mates will be attempting to save the one-day series against Andrew Strauss's men, 1,700km up the coast in Durban, but I suspect the world will be focused on Ms Theron.

Oh, and spare a thought for the South Africans. After all this preparation, all the money spent on ten fine stadiums across the nation, they have to consider this. Their national side, Bafana Bafana (The Boys, The Boys) are ranked 86th in the world by FIFA. That's the lowest ranking ever for a side hosting the World Cup.

Long gone are the days when they won the African Cup of Nations in 1995. A suggestion? Get Clive Barker, the tiny but perfectly formed coach who once guided me at Durban City and Bush Bucks, back on board. He was the brains behind that Nations Cup triumph. The Rainbow Nation needs help!

Two great events, one nation. And England expects...

A DISTANCE of 1,715km lies between two great sporting events tomorrow. In Cape Town, England's footballers will be unable to influence the World Cup draw but up the coast in Durban, our cricketers will do all they can to inflict an unexpected defeat on South Africa at Kingsmead.

The footballers will be happy to draw Slovenia, New Zealand and Algeria. They'll be devastated if they come out of the hat with France, Ivory Coast and the USA. Those are the two ends of the scale for Fabio Capello in Cape Town, where the sun is shining. Ultimately though, England have to be able to play anyone, anywhere to win the World Cup. They need to be unbeatable.

In tropical Durban, where it's been a little soggy of late, Andrew Strauss knows his side are already unbeatable, given they're 2-1 up in the One-Day International series with one to play. And they are within touching distance of being the only country apart from Australia to beat South Africa in an ODI series on home soil.

Strauss fully appreciates the significance of all this, going into his 100th ODI. In true Tiger Woods style he's trying to play it all down, pretend it's nothing major. He says: "We have to put them under pressure again, make sure we're at the races. It would be a bit naive to talk about series victories. We really want to come and win this series 3-1 but we have to expect another South African backlash."

This Jekyll and Hyde series has been all about backlashes. After the rained off opening game, England won by seven wickets in a crushing triumph in Centurion. Then South Africa broke all sorts of records as they got their revenge in Cape Town last Friday. But England produced another emphatic seven-wicket win in Port Elizabeth last Sunday to turn it all around again.

Given the roller-coaster that has gone before, you'd expect a massive South African win and the two sides will go into the four Test series having drawn both the Twenty20 series and the ODI contest. And that's a worst-case scenario for England. Which is confusing because South Africa have often looked a much better side, particularly with the bat.

But Strauss says: "It doesn't matter how good a side is, if you keep putting them under pressure then you are going to have success against them. We have been able to do that a couple of times this series and let's hope we do it one more.

"I think we've progressed quite a way but I am the last person to say we are the finished article. We still have a long way to go."

With South African born trio Jonathan Trott, Kevin Pietersen and Strauss threatening to ruin his summer, Proteas' captain Graeme Smith isn't too concerned about the reception awaiting the "English imports" from infamous Castle Corner.

Smith growls: "It happens round the world these days, I think a couple of England fans booed me on Sunday, so it's just something you become used to as an international cricketer.

"Fans are biased towards their teams. You have to learn to have a little bit of a thick skin. What we need to do is push England to perform under pressure. Disappointingly we haven't done that so far."

Dale Steyn's hamstring makes him a doubt for South Africa, who are also without key all-rounder Jacques Kallis, who has had an injection in his injured rib and is rated only 50-50 to be fit for the opening Test at Centurion 16 December. England are now injury free after their initial problems with Stuart Broad, Paul Collingwood, Graeme Swann and, crucially, Jimmy Anderson, who took a career-best 5-23 last Sunday.

I never thought I'd say this but England look like they've got the momentum to beat South Africa in their own backyard, their first ODI series defeat since 2002. Let's hope they don't waste it.

Tiger Woods: He's let his wife down, his family down (and his pants down)

THE Sun's front page splash today sums it up rather neatly. "I've let my wife down, I've let my family down (and he's let his trousers down)".

The Daily Mail, joining in the gleeful coverage of an icon's downfall, picture all three alleged holes in one: New York events planner Rachel Uchitel, 34 (who denies everything), Las Vegas cocktail waitress Jaimee Grubbs, 24 (who has a voicemail to back her story) and marketing manager Kalika Moquin, 27 (who says it's "not appropriate to comment").

So do we exult in the denouement of the world's top golfer now he's been exposed, less than a week after the mysterious 2.25am car crash outside his Florida home? Do we say "told you so" when he released a statement yesterday saying: "I regret those transgressions with all my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behaviour my family deserves"?

No, we should be saddened by it. Distressed when a role model falls so heavily from grace. Sympathetic about the fact that, when you are forced by your talent to live in the public eye, the pain is all the greater. And all the man wants to do is hit a golf ball a very, very long way towards a flag.

Sometimes the media gets blamed for the downfall of icons like Woods, the first sportsman to earn $1billion. On this occasion, it's hard to argue that. Nobody could have kept a lid on what was going on for long. And clearly, when wife Elin got wind of her husband's alleged indiscretions, she reacted and, despite Woods slamming the "malicious rumours", we are finally getting close to what really happened that morning. A Japanese television station have issued a virtual version of what they think happened, featuring Elin running along, smashing his windows. That may not be factual, but it's what people conjured up when they haven't got the truth.

Of course it was impossible for Tiger to come out immediately and admit to what was going on. Instead, he disappeared for 12 hours into the bowels of a local hospital, refused to see the police four times when he got home and was finally given a paltry slap on the wrist for his sins.

The real cost to Tiger? About £5,000 in damage to his Cadillac Escapade, £99 for "careless driving" and £2,000 to fix the fire hydrant he crashed into.

Then there's the facial injuries we still haven't seen... and this week's Tiger-sponsored US tour event will have to do without their star name amid promises to refund disappointed spectators.

And then we begin to move into the real high-cost areas. If Elin, mother of his two children, sues for divorce - and she appears to have every cause - it may just be the world's biggest ever settlement.

Then there are the sponsors. Gillette's discomfort has already been heavily publicised. Tiger, Thierry Henry and Roger Federer are all pictured together (above) in their latest campaign, now all three appear to be on the slide. Henry for his handball for France against Ireland, Federer for not making the final at the London Arena last week and Tiger for what he calls "personal sins".

Woods earns £6m a year from the razor makers, £12m from Nike, £12m from sports drink Gatorade, £5m from EA Sports video games, £3m from telephone providers AT&T, £3m from watch-makers Tag Heuer and £2m from General Mills. But the image they buy has been tarnished forever.

He will pay the price. And the stories will continue for weeks yet, with his reappearance set to reignite the whole situation. We have to ask: will he ever be the same again? Does he deserve all this? Will he be scarred for life, physically or psychologically?

That is our job, asking questions like that. But in truth the best sign off to this sorry tale belongs to Woods and what he said in his statement yesterday. Let's leave it there:

"Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. For the last week my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives.

"For me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family.

"I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves."

The World Cup venues: what the players, WAGs and fans can expect

THE World Cup venues in South Africa are so diverse, they could just be the key to England’s success next summer. Before tomorrow’s draw in Cape Town, players, WAGS and fans might be interested in a quick guide to the nine towns on offer.

From Cape Town in the south to Polokwane in the north, the grounds for next year’s tournament are stretched over 1,000 miles, the equivalent of travelling the length of England - and back.

The climate ranges from tropical to Mediterranean, the altitude from sea level in Cape Town, Durban and Port Elizabeth to a breathless 5,000 feet in Johannesburg, with Pretoria, Rustenburg, Nelspruit. Bloemfontein and Polokwane also high on the escarpment which rises in the centre of the country.

Next June will be winter in South Africa, but that doesn’t guarantee rain. The inland cities (Johannesburg, Pretoria, Bloemfontein, Nelspruit, Polokwane and Rustenburg) are basically parched from April to September, with rainfall in the summer only. Though the World Cup pitches will be watered, generally amateur football is played on concrete-like surfaces with dead grass in the winter. Overnight frosts are not uncommon.

On the coast, Cape Town has winter rain, much like Britain, while steamy Durban can be wet all year round – though it has also suffered years of drought in the past. Port Elizabeth lies somewhere between the two, geographically and climatically.

Then there’s the development to consider. Cape Town is essentially a European city plonked on the end of the continent, with a rich history and nearby wine lands. Port Elizabeth and Durban are pleasant seaside resorts, though tropical Durban can get extremely humid in the summer, our winter.

Downtown Johannesburg has improved but Sandton, to the north, is where the cricket and rugby teams generally reside and offers just about everything a British town could offer. Similarly, the middle of Pretoria is not as welcoming as you’d hope, but Centurion to the south is stockbroker belt as far as shops and restaurants go.

England won’t want to go to the outlying areas though. Polokwane is remote and too far north to be a tourist trap, though it is surrounded by game parks. Nelspruit offers great hiking trails and forests but is by no means a metropolis. And Rustenburg, though close to the casinos and golf courses of Sun City, is hardly where you’d want to spend a holiday.

And then there’s Bloemfontein. It’s a big city but no paradise for English tourists. Though Bloemfontein Celtic, the local professional side, offer perhaps the most demonstrative fans in the South African Premier Division, Bloemfontein is generally considered, like Pretoria, a bastion of rugby and Afrikanerdom. Though things are changing since the outbreak of democracy in 1993, English accents are not always greeted with welcoming smiles.

Fabio Capello, though tempted to ban the wives and girlfriends, knows the WAGS will come out for the World Cup. But if the side are drawn to play in Nelspruit, Rustenburg, Bloemfontein or Polokwane, God help them. Let’s get this straight, these are not holiday resorts, they are remote African towns unsuitable for wandering the shops and going out at night. During the World Cup, there will be a livelier atmosphere, but visit those town centres tomorrow and you’d find it pretty inhospitable. It’s hard to imagine 20,000 England fans happily spending a few days in any of them.

Though plush game reserves surround the three northern cities there are no obvious places for WAGs or fans to amuse themselves. Bloemfontein offers more but a London orbital town like Watford would be far more vibrant. Though the FA has looked at Rustenburg’s soccer academy as a possible pre-tournament camp venue, those four cities are not quite what England will be after.

Johannesburg and Pretoria, though also at altitude, which presents its own problems, can offer reasonable facilities for fans and WAGs... as long as they do as they’re told. There are areas around both cities which will suit English travellers and Loftus Versveld, the World Cup ground in Pretoria, is a reasonable venue for fans to prepare for a match.

Ellis Park in central Johannesburg and Soccer City, near Soweto, are less welcoming but should be well marshalled during matches. Again, fans would be advised not to wander too far afield at either venue.

But if it’s a quality World Cup England and their fans are after, the coastal cities should provide it.

Durban’s brand new Moses Mobhida Stadium (pictured) is a monumental effort, complete with a Wembley-style arch and a walkway to the nearby North Beach, which is really what the biggest city in KwaZulu Natal is all about. Though the centre of Durban shows signs of decay, new developments around the once-feared harbour end of town have improved matters. North of Durban, England fans might find plush beach resorts like Umhlanga and Ballito worth exploring. Durban also offers some of the largest shopping malls in the country, with Gateway near Umhlanga the largest in the southern hemisphere. It’s WAG paradise with every designer outlet and for fans, there are rooftop go-karts, 10-pin bowling, cinemas, a theatre and plenty of restaurants.

Port Elizabeth is smaller than Durban and again, the centre shows signs of decay. But south of the city offers similar beachside facilities to Durban, with casinos and safe night-time venues. Not renowned as a football hub, Bayi, as it is now known, boasts the country’s loudest cricket fans and a good match-day atmosphere. Hopefully they’ll turn up for the football too.

And finally, saving the best to last, we travel down the beautiful Garden Route from Port Elizabeth to Cape Town and the new Green Point Stadium. The oldest city in South Africa has it all. The cable car up Table Mountain, the cruise out to Robben Island, the Victoria and Albert Waterfront, the nearby winelands. Paradise. England’s cricket and rugby fans will confirm that Cape Town is the place to be for players, fans and hangers-on. There are dozens of top-of-the-range shopping malls and, unlike the rest of South Africa, the houses are not fenced in. Cape Town has a less paranoid approach to crime.

In summary:

Where England want to be:

• Green Point Stadium, Cape Town (70,000)

Perfect draw for England. No altitude to worry about, winter’s much like England but slightly warmer. Fine new stadium.

• Moses Mobhida Stadium, Durban (68,000)
Winter will ease the tropical problems of heat and humidity, great beaches even in winter...and another brand new stadium.

• Nelson Mandela Stadium, Port Elizabeth (50,000)

Stay south of the city for the best of Bayi, plenty of English settler history inland, beautiful coastline north and south

Where England will struggle with altitude but might be okay:

• Ellis Park Stadium, Johannesburg (60,000)

Situated close to the centre of the golden city, it still feels a bit intimidating in the streets but a ground with a big history.
• Soccer City, Johannesburg (95,000)

Close to Soweto, great stadium with an African design, but needs further development around the ground

• Loftus Versfeld Stadium, Pretoria (45,000)
Home of the rugby gods the Blue Bulls, pleasant area near centre of Pretoria, shouldn’t be a problem

Where England won’t want to be:

• Mbombela Stadium, Nelspruit (40,000)

It’s a small town, good for game reserves and hiking but not football fans. Trouble over the new stadium appears to be over.
• Free State Stadium, Bloemfontein (40,000)

It’s not a town you instantly fall in love with but it’s big and bustling and the stadium is an established rugby venue
• Royal Bafokeng Stadium, Rustenburg (40,000)

Sun City, half-an-hour away, is worth a visit. Rustenburg isn’t, though it has been pushed as a big footballing venue of late

• Peter Mokaba Stadium, Polokwane (40,000)

Once known as Pietersburg, Polokwane is a remote northern town, a long way from the centre of the action

Tiger Woods: careless driving. Investigation over.

OKAY, okay, all of us muck-raking journalists can crawl back in our holes now. That mystery Tiger Woods car crash is sorted. Sport's first dollar billionaire looks like he'll be fined $164 (that's about £99 in English money) and given four points on his licence for "careless driving".

Forget the fact that, curiously, both front windows on his Cadillac SUV were smashed after he hit a tree and a fire hydrant outside his Florida home at 2.25am on Friday morning. Ignore the 12 hours after that, when we knew nothing of the world's No1 golfer going to hospital under somebody else's name. Rachel Uchitel, the New York glamour girl who follows the golf tour with some gusto, played no part in this. Perish the thought. Swedish supermodel wife Elin may have used his golf buggy and two of his clubs to smash her way into the car. But that was just to save her husband, as she stood over him, unconscious for six minutes after the crash.

And those hoping to see Tiger at his own golf tournament, the Chevron World Challenge, this week will get their money back. He can't make it. It's those "facial lacerations" caused by the crash I guess. The airbags simply didn't deploy.

The truth? Tiger was just driving badly. And not on a golf course - he'd never do that of course.

Maj Cindy Williams from Florida Highway Patrol, one of an increasingly frustrated police delegation who have been refused access to Tiger four times since the crash, says he will not face criminal charges, just a traffic citation for careless driving.

If convicted, Woods faces the merest of slaps on the wrist. Less than £100. And Maj Williams tells us: "Mr Woods has satisfied the requirements of Florida law by providing his driver's licence, registration and proof of insurance to us."

Apparently there is "not enough evidence" to ask for medical evidence or to subpoena Tiger or his club-wielding wife and mother of his two children, who may or may not have been angry about pictures of Ms Uchitel, who lost her fiance in the 9/11 bombings, entering Tiger's hotel in Melbourne, Australia a fortnight ago. We must accept her denials of anything dodgy going on.

And no, indeedy, there were no claims of domestic violence "from any party". Investigation closed. Amazing how easily these things are cleared up if you've won 14 majors. And not many of us are in that category.

So Tiger will be able to complain about our throwing about of "unfounded rumours". And we must explain, in his words: "This situation is my fault, and it's obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again."

And I am absolutely sure there will be not mention of this in a money-spinning biography in future years. Absolutely sure. Investigation closed. I'll go back in my hole.

Babies, boos and belligerence: now Kevin Pietersen needs runs

IT'S all happening for Kevin Pietersen in South Africa. Boos, babies and a boisterous homecoming at Kingsmead on Friday. All he needs now is a few runs.

With his wife Jessica Taylor, the Libertx singer and Ice Dancer (with KP, right), three months pregnant, the baby will wait until Bangladesh next year. Good tour to miss that.

The boos? He can do nothing about that. The Pietermaritzburg-born batsman will get plenty of stick when the final one-day international kicks off in Durban, 56km from his birthplace, on Friday with England an unbeatable 2-1 up with one to play. What do you expect? He played in KwaZulu Natal for the first 19 years of his life. Ask Paul Ince what it was like going back to West Ham for God's sake!

And anyway, the well-stacked Jessica has joined up with the squad this week, so he'll have comfort at hand. Not that he doesn't thrive on the boos anyway.

It's the runs he has to sort out. Otherwise, the way Jonathan Trott is playing, Pietersen won't be the most important ex-South African in the Test series when it gets underway at Centurion on 16 December.

So far, since arriving late following his infection-ridden mid-Ashes Achilles surgery, KP has managed five innings. His scores so far: 29, four, four, 45 and three. That last knock, during England emphatic win at Port Elizabeth on Sunday, came after he was badly dropped off his first ball. Not too impressive.

Coach Andy Flower concedes: "He is impatient because he's a high achiever and an outstanding sportsman. Four months is a long time off when you're used to playing cricket all the time, so we have to be patient with him. I expected him to be a bit rusty.

"I am sure he will score heavy runs at some stage on this tour."

And the boos? Flower said: "He's used to that. I don't think it affects him. It's really disappointing. I didn't like hearing boos when Ricky Ponting walked out to bat in England in the summer, I don't like hearing boos when someone is taking a conversion in rugby and I think it's sad to hear the booing of a great cricketer walking out to compete for his country."

Can't see Kingsmead's notorious Castle Corner changing that on Friday. Especially if KP comes good for Jessica and delivers a quick 50 to clinch the series, which would mark South Africa's first home ODI defeat since 2002.

Ireland's rescue bid laughed off... so ban Thierry. It's the only answer

TOMORROW justice may finally catch up with Thierry Henry. Sepp Blatter will address an emergency meeting of the FIFA committee in Cape Town, just two days before the World Cup draw, and ask they what sanction should be handed to France's record scorer after his deliberate handball enabled them to qualify for South Africa next year at the expense of the Republic of Ireland.

Sadly, Blatter will not offer a replay or a 33rd place in the finals to the aggrieved Irish. As I said on Sky News with Eamonn Holmes this morning, meaningful justice will never be done. Blatter laughed when he talked of Ireland's plea for an extra place, which left assistant boss Liam Brady fuming over the treatment of his unfashionable footballing nation. And despite that 486,000-strong petition for a replay on Facebook - which I also talked about on television this morning - all that is likely to happen is that FIFA will agree to two extra officials behind either goal in an attempt to improve "match control".

If we accept France are now unavoidably through - and I hope they will be roundly booed, Kevin Pietersen style, whenever the play in South Africa - then Henry must be punished.

After the match he admitted to deliberate handball, which is a red card offence. Now FIFA must review the incident on video and punish him like any other cheat who is caught in the act. Henry, France's record scorer with 51 goals, must miss at least the first two matches of the World Cup next year.

Former Liverpool manager Gerrard Houllier launched an impassioned defence of Henry this morning, probably hoping to ease concerns before tomorrow's FIFA gathering in Cape Town.

The 62-year-old, now technical director at the French football federation, said: "A lot of the former players in France have condemned what Thierry has done but, at the same time, they said they would have done the same. He didn't cross the ball with his hand. It's the referee's error. I'm not saying he did something right but he did something that sometimes, when you play football, you do to help you but you expect the referee to punish you.

"Thierry is too honest a person to have done this immorally. It was not premeditated. I don't think he'll be punished and even if the goal had not been allowed, they would not have qualified. It would have gone to penalties."

I used to have a certain respect for Houllier, who suffered a life-threatening aortic condition while he was in charge at Anfield. Those mealie-mouthed words do him no credit.

Ban Henry. If there's to be no replay, it's the least FIFA can do.