PROUD TO BE MR MASHABA'S MONKEY: Why BafanaBafana need more guerrillas, less yes men

MONKEY BUSINESS: BafanaBafana coach Shakes Mashaba

TODAY I am a monkey. A footballing guerrilla. One who sits on the back of our national coach, awaiting eviction. This is my tail.

As South Africa basks in the glory of a come-from-behind 3-1 win over Angola, Ephraim "Shakes" Mashaba did the talking for himself this weekend rather than relying on a series of questions from his son, as he did during a run of eight competitive defeats in charge of BafanaBafana.

To recap: There was the epic 2-2 draw in Nigeria, followed by three failures at AFCON 2015, then COSAFA penalty shoot-out defeats on home soil against Botswana and Malawi, followed by 0-0 against Gambia and 1-3 in Mauritania to kick-off AFCON 2017 qualifying. Tough times, by any standards.

There’s almost no point in mentioning CHAN, the competition for home-based players, where we crashed out to Angola last month, despite an away win in the second leg.

Clearly though, nothing is going to change. Selection will be eccentric, team talks will be confusing, flights to and from Bafana games will continue to be chaotic with barely an independent journalist making the trip to tell us what's really going on.

With SAFA president Danny Jordaan ruling Port Elizabeth and Technical Director Neil Tovey limiting his involvement to critical television performances, I decided to change tack.

I spent last week in #shakysupport mode (though I could never quite get it trending on twitter) despite the inexplicable absence of Kermit Erasmus and Keagan Dolly on the trip to Benguela and the inclusion of four injured players.

I stuck to #shakysupport even when Brilliant Khuzwayo refused to replace Itumeleng Khune in the squad (the Sunday Sun suggests he was partying in Umlazi rather than attending to family matters, but that’s another story) and wished Wayne Sandilands well when he was called up as the third goalkeeper.

When Jackson Mabokgwane of Mpumalanga Black Aces was named as captain, again, a public pat on the back. When Andile Jali got sent off after scoring from the penalty spot, there was no need to slam the man. Job done. The Moses Mabhida Stadium on Tuesday night should be one long celebration, Angola need a 3-0 win and they’re NOT going to get it.

No need for monkey business. So here’s what Ephraim Mashaba said when Bafana returned (on the same flight, remarkably) from Angola to the Maharani Hotel in Durban on Sunday: “I want those monkeys to sit on my back and I don't want them to jump off, please.

“The weight that they’re putting on me, it keeps me on my toes, because I'm also saying 'I've got to feed them, these monkeys' and how do I feed them? I deliver, that's all. Feed them by delivering.”

And of course, he’s right. No national coach deserves to escape criticism. Early on in his reign, the Sunday Times Sports Editor Dr BBK Shortarse claimed Mashaba was under scrutiny because of his “levels of melanin”. He has since been nominated for journalist of the year.

Mashaba did the same, claiming he is discriminated against because of his skin colour. Utter bunkum of course. Gordon Igesund has low melanin levels but got so tired of this monkey he tried to sue.

Truth is, like Gord and Pitso before him, Shaky DOES need monkeys on his back. His ability as a coach is completely unproven at any level, his tactical acumen is a little old-fashioned. His substitutions are eccentric, his eagerness to rotate captains and goalkeepers is legend. Clearly Tovey’s appointment, months later than Jordaan promised, has had no impact.

But hey, we beat Angola, and we’ll probably beat them again on Tuesday night. But hold on, Mr Mashaba, the monkeys won’t be going anywhere. Next up? The group stages of the 2018 World Cup. And because we have the disadvantage of being a CAF nation, only the winners go through from the five groups of four. At least, unlike 2014, there will be no play-off against a seeded group winner to follow.

The road to Russia 2018 is a long one, a cold one... especially for Africa, where only FIVE out of 54 nations can qualify.

So too is the road to AFCON 2017 in Gabon, where one point from two games leaves Bafana needing to beat Cameroon TWICE to stand any chance of topping the group.

Braver primates will continue to plague Mashaba, even after this fantastic win in Angola. The yes men, and there are plenty of them, will say he’s evolved beyond gorilla warfare.

Me? I’ll just carry on pointing out the rights and wrongs, with a minimum of gibberish. That’s the job. Right on the monkey.

Destined for the top: A brief history of South Africa's new Technical Director Neil Tovey

CONTINENTAL CHAMPION: Neil Tovey in 1996

NEIL TOVEY in 1981? Skinny teenager. Great shot. Good engine, could get up and down, box to box. Rarely lost possession. Won his first South African League title when he was still a teenager.

Neil Tovey today? South Africa's most qualified coach. Has done the rounds. Has had his share of personal challenges. Still has much to offer.

When he was announced as the South African Football Association's new Technical Director on Saturdayaround 5pm, the old nostalgia kicked in. I first came across Neil on the training ground outside the now-demolished New Kingsmead in Durban 35 years ago.

He was a year younger than me but made me look like a novice at training on a ground which now lies buried beneath the new Moses Mabhida Stadium. I'd generally fall over when he went one-on-one with me. At the time, Neil Tovey was an 19-year-old just pushed in to professional football by a chap called Clive Barker. He made the transition to the paid ranks with barely a blink.

Neil’s big brother Mark was the frightening one back in 1980. He had a big job with Puma, handed out the kit and barked when I lost possession. Though my primary role was as a football writer at the local newspaper, the Natal Mercury, I played for Durban City’s reserves while the blue-and-white hooped first team dominated the early years of non-racial football in South Africa.

My first year in Durban after university was quite a season for City, a team established in the old white NFL by Norman "Silver Fox" Elliott in 1959. Incredibly, smooth manager Butch Webster and his diminutive coach Barker created a side to match the NPSL giants from Soweto and they won Abdul Bhamjee’s newly founded NFL in 1982 (when we used to play football throughout the winter) against all expectations.

Paid peanuts and held together by a huge Scottish defender called Andy Stanton who worked as an advertising executive on week days, the Tovey brothers were integral in Barker’s plans. Sometimes they played one behind the other in central midfield, though both contributed goals. Neil could shoot from distance, Mark was the terrier mopping up. Both could play a mean through ball. A chap called Kevin Mudie got most of the goals.

City, with tiny crowds and no funds, went on to win a second successive title in 1983 before Barker led a mass-break-out to Umlazi’s gold-and-black Bush Bucks in 1984. Under the astute eye of Lawrence “Big Bear” Ngubane, the cunning mixture of City champions with talents like Daniel Ramarutsi and Mlungisi “Prof” Ngubane went on to win the championship in 1986.

By then, older brother Mark was the centre-back, Neil was more of a midfielder. He was tall and slight, and had followed Barker from local amateur club Juventus, based on Durban’s Berea.

But Neil emerged from the shadow of his big brother with aplomb in 1996, when he captained Barker’s Bafana to the African Nations Cup on home soil, a triumph rich in post-democratic fervour and Rainbow Nation unity. Now 34, Tovey was now a veteran, anchoring Kaizer Chiefs and the national squad from centre-back with the captain's armband now an immovable feature.

When he retired in 1999, aged 37, Tovey had played 341 games for Chiefs and 52 for Bafana Bafana. He smoothly transitioned to player-coach in the latter days of his playing career at Chiefs and went on to boss Mamelodi Sundowns, AmaZulu, Hellenic, Mpumalanga Black Aces and, most recently, Thanda Royal Zulu.

In 2011, when I was working in Abu Dhabi, I tried to get Tovey a job in the lucrative (but not particularly strong) United Arab Emirates Pro League, and after a recent health scare (he’s fully recovered) there were fears his greatest days were behind him.

But Saturday’s announcement of Tovey as South Africa’s new Technical Director came as a welcome relief. Since Ephraim Mashaba was handed the Bafana job nearly a year ago, Danny Jordaan had been promising a Technical Director to help Shakes, not known for his tactical acumen and clearly struggling to keep things together.

Tovey and Steve Komphela were the only qualified South Africans to do the job. Danny Jordaan and I agreed on that a year ago. But with Tovey doing television work and Komphela engrossed in pushing Maritzburg United to their highest PSL finish, movement was slow. SAFA’s technical committee chief Nataschia Tshiclas told me week after week: “We are still looking.” I waited week after week, month after month, for Tovey to ride to the rescue as Bafana struggled through AFCON and the COSAFA disaster... culminating in the awful 0-0 home draw against Gambia a fortnight ago.

With various foreign names bandied about, the appointment of Tovey – who scored top marks when taking both his UEFA A and Pro badges - is another welcome local appointment for South African football. I phoned him on Saturday during the Orlando Pirates game and he was quick to re-assure Mashaba: “I won’t be telling Shakes what to do. It’s going to be a tough job. I can't just go in there and tell people what to do.

“There are so many areas for me to look at, I don’t even know if I’ll be going to Mauritius for the second leg of the CHAN qualifier. I don't think that's a priority in my new role.

“I won’t be getting involved that much in the national side. That’s not the job. It’s my task to make things easier for Shakes. To work in the background, on development. My main task, as I see it, is to ensure younger players coming through to the national team.”

SAFA's R65m plan for a new Technical Centre south of Johannesburg will give Tovey a base for his empire; his grasp of modern UEFA techniques will soon begin to percolate through our game. As long as he can work with Mashaba, surely there's a long-awaited improvement on the cards for Bafana Bafana.

Stekelenburg axed by Ajax in a week that was always going to be full of Double Dutch

Dutch too much: Maarten Stekelenburg is gone

MAARTEN STEKELENBURG’S umimpressive reign as head coach of Ajax Cape Town came to a grinding halt yesterday in what has been a distinctly dodgy week for Dutchmen in the PSL.

Even before compatriot Johan Neeskens was subjected to violent vuvuzelas after his Mamelodi Sundowns lost at Moroka Swallows on Sunday, Stekelenburg was vividly vilified by Urban Warriors fans in Cape Town on Saturday following a shocking 5-1 defeat at the hands of promoted AmaTuks. It was always going to be a week of Double Dutch.

Ajax CEO George Comitis told us on Saturday night: “We need cool heads, this is not a time to panic,” but he had changed his tune yesterday, telling the pen-wielding crowd assembled for Stekelenburg’s public execution: "As of today, Maarten is no longer our head coach. Sometimes you have to shake it all up. We needed to change before it was too late.

“It was a tough decision that we made over the past 19 games, we will find ourselves in trouble if we don't fix it now. We haven't decided on his replacement yet, we will look for someone with Dutch influence and SA experience."

Former Sundowns boss Hristo Stoichkov, Dutchman Ruud Krol and 1996 Afcon winner Neil Tovey are possible names to conjure with but the mother club in Amsterdam may have another obscure youngster or ailing veteran in mind.

Stekelenburg has struggled since he stepped in to the sizeable shoes of Foppe de Haan in 2011, a fact confirmed by Comitis, who said hopefully: "We would look at bringing back someone like Foppe, but we have no decision yet."

Former Head of Technical affairs and current chief scout, Jan Pruijn, get his chance to impress when he takes charge as caretaker against rock-bottom AmaZulu on Saturday. Wilfred Mugeyi will assist against the only side below Ajax in the current PSL standings.

Stekelenburg, just 39, was always a gamble. Cape Town was his first senior coaching post after an unremarkable playing career with  Dutch lower league sides SV Argon, SV Huizen and Amsterdamsche FC were followed by numerous coaching qualifications, a job at the Ajax academy in Amsterdam and a stint as De Haan’s youth development manager in the Mother City.

Comitis admitted: "Maarten lost the belief of the board. We believe were we need a more experienced coach because he is dealing with more experienced players. We have a three-year plan with the current squad.”

Exactly what that plan is remains unclear. In six games this season they had won once before Saturday’s Aubrey Ngoma-inspired hammering.

Neeskens, attacked at Dobsonville on Sunday, remains in place before Saturday night’s win-or-flee clash with Platinum Stars at the Lucas Moripe Stadium. General manager Kenneth Makhanya and Technical Head Trott Moloto issued a joint statement on the Sundowns website yesterday saying: "The issue of the coach's position with the club is hypothetical as it has never been discussed.

"Sundowns wishes to record that reports that he is facing the chop are without foundation, and management has given the coach full support to pursue the objectives of the club.

"No ultimatum has been given to the coach, or anybody, and Mamelodi Sundowns is confident that the club will turn the corner. Clubs the world over go through rough patches, but come out much stronger.”

Komphela hung, drawn and faltered. Step forward Gordon Igesund.

In Gord we trust: Igesund

We all knew silky-tongued Steve Komphela could talk the talk. Sadly, we now know he doesn’t quite walk the walk.

The Free State Stars miracle-worker had every opportunity to revolutionise the Bafana Bafana squad bequeathed him by the unlamented Pitso Mosimane after the disappointing 1-1 draw against Ethiopia at the Bafokeng Sports Palace nine days ago.

Instead, he barely tinkered with his starting line-up as the caretaker could only muster another desperately disappointing 1-1 draw against Botswana in the tiny University Stadium in Gaborone last Saturday.

I watched what I could of the match while preparing to go on air at SuperSport’s EuroZone garden in Randburg, and believe me Steve, you don’t want to know what Bradley Carnell, John Barnes, Ruud Krol and Thomas Mlambo had to say when I relayed the score to them. On hearing the final result, the old warhorse Terry Paine simply shrugged: “A draw with Botswana? It’s a disgrace.”

In Neal & Pray last Tuesday, like many other pundits, I offered alternatives to Komphela, a man I like and admire. Up front, I suggested Santos top-scorer Eleazar Rodgers or the recently-bereaved Thulani Serero, now strutting his stuff with Ajax Amsterdam. Instead, Komphela stuck with the alleged killer Katlego Mphela – fair enough, he struck against Ethiopia – and PSL top-scorer Siyabonga Nomvethe from Moroka Swallows, utterly ineffective a week before.

At the back, he refused to budge on the selection of non-playing Tottenham centre-half Bongani Khumalo while Bloemfontein Celtic’s impressive Mulomowandau “Tower” Mathoho was left with the cushion on the bench once more.

And in midfield, there was the mystery man from Golden Arrows, Thanduyise Khuboni, still starting ahead of Sweden’s player of the season May Mahlangu and Orlando Pirates dynamo Andile Jali.

Sure, Komphela dropped wounded Kaizer Chiefs midfielder Reneilwe 'Yeye' Letsholonyane for Buccaneer title-winner Oupa Manyisa and, just like Pitso against Ethiopia, he put on Sundowns match-changer Teko Modise for the struggling Amakhosi favourite Siphiwe Tshabalala after 68 minutes. Oh, and Tokelo Rantie took the 34-year-old Nomvethe’s place on the hour.

But essentially this was simply a rehash of Pitso’s mistakes. The team remained leaderless (I suggested bringing in Benni McCarthy, if only to issue threats from the bench) and toothless (only Morgan Gould’s head really threatened the Zebras).

And for those reasons, former Kroonstad schoolmaster Komphela, you can no longer expect to get the Bafana job permanently, no matter what happens in the friendly against Gabon at Mbombela on Friday. What exactly happened to the brave, new Bafana? Does the deadweight Brazilian Jario Leal still tell you who to pick? As I said on eNew yesterday morning, please tell me that ain’t so, Steve.

We had the normal Komphela platitudes afterwards: “We're not pleased,” “We are not happy,” and “The nation deserves better.”

But with Ethiopia beating the Central African Republic 2-0 to go top of the group, there can be no more mistakes. South Africa haven’t won a football game since November last year. Of the five names on the SAFA short-list, we know Gordon Igesund, the 55-year-old who has won the PSL title with FOUR different clubs, can change that after all that he has achieved over two decades in domestic football.

Having lost faith in Komphela, I can hardly turn to Neil Tovey, the 1996 Afcon-winning captain now managing Thanda Royal Zulu in the second division. Gavin Hunt could do the trick and said last week “I couldn’t turn down the Bafana job”, but he would surely fall out with SAFA’s bungling power mongers within a matter of seconds.

Shakes Mashaba, statistically the best international coach on the short-list after his run of 19 matches, 12 wins, five draws and two losses came to an acrimonious end in 2004, has suddenly emerged as the people’s choice after a rash of calls to Robert Marawa’s Metro Radio show last Thursday.

 And yes, he has all that it takes, despite failing to qualify for the London Olympics this year with the Under23 squad.

But now is the time for decisive action from SAFA. As their vice-president Danny Jordaan, the force behind the 2010 World Cup, said this morning: “We have dropped four points. It’s disappointing. If we lose the next game at home to the Central African Republic next year, we can say goodbye to Brazil.”

So say hello to Gordon Igesund. Moroka Swallows fans know it makes sense after his miraculous turnaround at Dobsonville last season. If anyone can get Steve Pienaar and his over-paid squad to fly, it’s Igesund.

This first appeared as my Neal & Pray column in www.thenewage.com on June 12. Since then, Igesund has topped a kickoff.com poll asking who should lead Bafana permanently: of the 3000 votes cast, there were 1,920 for Igesund (63.6%) with SuperSport's Gavin Hunt second on 334, caretaker Steve Komphela and Under 23 boss Shakes Mashaba tied on 328 in third. Thanda Royal Zulu's Neil Tovey, the 1996 AFCON-winning captain was a distant 5th with 3.5%.

Neal Collins is a South African football analyst who spent 25 years on Fleet Street. You can catch him on eNews every Monday morning a 8.15am and on SuperSport3’s EuroZone on Saturdays at 4pm. You can also follow him on www.twitter.com/nealcol orwww.nealcollins.co.uk. I'm on eTV Sunrise at 7.30am tomorrow, eNews at 8.15am talking Euro2012.