Humour or racism? David Kekana on SABC last night... "This umlungu uyadlisa" or "the white man is making us lose"

THIS is the moment - all poorly-filmed 12 seconds of it - when SABC analyst David Kekana put his foot in his mouth on Thomas Mlambo's otherwise excellent Monday night show SoccerZone.


The sound ain't great. But here's what happened. Asked about whether he preferred Kaizer Chiefs goalkeeper Brilliant Khuzwayo or Belgium-based Darren Keet to play in goal for South Africa during the AFCON 2015 tournament, Kekana made no bones about it. He said he preferred Itumeleng Khune's 24-year-old stand-in at the AmaKhosi and said: "This mlungu uyadlisa" or "the white man is costing us" when referring to Cape Town-born Keet, .


I have no problem with the use of the word umlungu. This very morning my t-shirt was emblazoned with the word, which means "white guy" and Bafana Bafana captain Dean Furman knows when that word is chanted around the stadium, it is not used in a derogatory sense.

WHAT IT SAYS ON THE SHIRT: particularly
ugly example of the race group Mlungu

But linked with the idea that Keet is in someway inferior - so far he has barely put a foot (or a hand) wrong in the national jersey - it comes across as deeply offensive. And as my twitter followers immediately pointed out last night, RACIST.


I've looked up "uyasidlisa". On google, the confusing response in English was "Iranians" (go on, try it) but most suggest it means "helping us to lose" with the "uya" suggesting defeat and "sidlisa" his role in the side.Scelo Nciki (@scubkae1 on twitter) and many others helped me with that. 


Twitter on the whole blasted Kekana, not just for his utterance but for his on-screen performance generally, suggesting a lot of his "jokes" fall flat. When I retweeted some of those messages, Kekana stayed silent. The debate raged but generally the reaction was: Imagine if a white analyst had said: "The darkie is letting us down". Unthinkable.


Ultimately, that is the bottom-line. Using race to single a man out for criticism has long been a problem in South Africa.


The question is: in post-Aparthate South Africa how seriously should be take black racism against white folk, after those long years of pale oppression? Clearly white-on-black racism has always been the major problem. But are we now democratic enough to see both sides of this particularly ugly coin? After 21 years, I'd argue: It's time to stop judging on race, time to end the awful habit of declaring ANYTHING on the basis of skin colour.


Around 90% of the tweets agreed with me as we went to bed, only to wake up this morning with THESE tweets from @davidkekana:


"I was asked a comparative question about Keet and Khuzwayo I said he conceded 33 goals in 21 matches for club"


"In African terms someone with a white hue is referred to as Umlungu. Nothing racist about that."


"Well I am married to an Umlungu, so I get told every day when I walk the streets with my wife"


I pointed out that I know several white men who, though married across the colour-line, hold racist views. When I recommended a course in broadcasting, he responded: "Neil (sic) I have done media law and hold a bachelors degree. Please don't insult me."


I said no slight was intended and asked him to apologise, he responded: "To please you Neil?"


I said no, just to prove he was a decent bloke. That was followed by: "I did not judge him based on his colour! It's your interpretation and not a fact"


I pointed out that "umlungu" suggested he had immediately zoned in on to Keet's colour. Kekana, refusing to apologise or accept responsibility for his words, then tweeted: "Neil, I have better things to be concerned with than you. You are the list (sic) of my concern."


And then came the cracker. The response of all racists under fire: "Like all racist (sic) Neal has to point fingers. Does that sound like turning the wheel back to an era?"


By then Kekana was trending on South African twitter as the nation vented their feelings. You can read the tweets online now if you want. Some came to Kekana's defence, but most agreed: "Please apologise, it's the right thing to do". That is, in my view, still the dominant feeling.

Seconds ago, Kekana sent this: "I said Mlungu Oyadlisa, cause he conceded 33 goals in 21 games in Belgium. Get your Zulu interpreter to interpret that."

As I write, there has been no response from the national broadcaster nor Thomas Mlambo, the presenter of SoccerZone and a man who I consider a friend. We did Euro2012 together. Mlambo, as you can see in the video footage, attempted to put a sock in Kekana's mouth as the incident unfolded and after the ad break, he came close to an apology for his colleague's sentiments.


But there has been no apology from Kekana. It's not like we are asking for a pint of blood. Just a simple sorry. If a white man were to say such things of a black player - particularly on the rugby or cricket channels - all hell would break loose.


With Bafana preparing to play Mali in their final friendly tomorrow - and Keet ready to play after a lightning-quick trip home to see his new-born son Leighton - this story may linger. But I hope not. All it would take is a quick "sorry" and we could leave this all behind.


But to ignore it, to let it go, would be WRONG. Racism is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Especially on SABC1, our national broadcasters' flag-ship channel.


Or perhaps I'm wrong and I've been WRONG all my life. Perhaps it's acceptable. Perhaps racism is still okay in South Africa. You tell me, David Kekana.


I left South Africa in 1985 because I just couldn't stand Aparthate any more. I was a young sports writer appalled by what I came across every day working in Umlazi and KwaMashu. I abhor racism, I was arrested and had my telephone bugged for dating a black woman in Durban. I returned to this country in 2010 to cover the World Cup... and came back to look after my elderly father... and because I thought we'd moved beyond the crude divide-and-rule politics of the Boer.


I didn't raise this topic, ordinary South Africans did, the minute they saw you say it. Ask them what you should do, David. We are all South Africans. We are equal. Darren Keet. Even me.



If Kekana, whom I have only met briefly, has a problem with any of this, he has my telephone number. I'd love to hear a reasonable response.

THE WORLD CUP DREAM IS ON: As predicted, Gordon Igesund's Bafana leave rusty CAR with three punctures. And he found time to call me afterwards!

THREEDOM: Gordon Igesund

GORDON IGESUND. Bafana Bafana. We salute you. A 3-0 win over the Central African Republic keeps our World Cup hopes alive on the day Nelson Mandela, the father of the nation, finds himself back at death’s door.

Gordon knows that. Right after the huge Group A qualifying win in Yaounde he said: “How can we talk about football when Nelson Mandela is in hospital? We have to wish him well first.”

The man has all the bases covered. He called me  at 6.54pm to say: "Mate, they f***ed us about this week. We were tired. But we did it. NOW FOR ETHIOPIA! I loved the Rambo stuff. The boys have been so good here. Put up with everything they threw at us."

When I told him the SABC were unable to air the first 40 minutes, Gordon was shocked: "What? No man! We started so well! But I need to thank everyone for their support, it's been brilliant. I loved the Rambo picture in the Star!"

Before the game, after the expected problems with travel and training facilities in “neutral” Cameroon, he promised: “We have turned the negatives in to positives. I am confident. We will play an attacking game.”

And he did. Despite “technical problems caused by rain” which meant viewers missed most of the first half, Bafana were live and dangerous for the full 90 minutes.

Kaizer Chiefs striker Bernard Parker opened the scoring after 26 minutes, poking the ball under the advancing goalkeeper and blasting home with his left foot to make it 1-0.

Just before half-time, another of the AmaKhosi double-winners, Siphiwe Tshabalala played a nice one-two with Tokelo Rantie to surge through the “Centrafrique” defence and make it 2-0 to “Afrique du Sud”.

A quieter second-half was capped by a brilliant third – Orlando Pirates play-maker Oupa Manyisa et the full-back and stood up an inch-perfect cross for Moroka Swallows’ PSL top-scorer Katlego Mashego to nod home. Boom. The 3-0 scoreline I predicted on eNCAnews on Friday night was complete.

At half-time, I sent Gordon an SMS suggesting: “Just stop at 3-0, let’s save a few for Ethiopia next week.”

Afterwards, Rambo Igesund grinned: “I was very happy with our game plan. We went for a very offensive team.  I told you we would.

“We trained once in the week really, so it was a great achievement when you think about it. I was a little bit disappointed because we sat back in the second-half a bit.

“We looked a little scared, but I was telling them we could have got four or five really.

“Look, we haven’t spoken about it much but it was a very tough preparation for us. All the travelling problems and stuff. A very tough week it’s been, but we got through. We got the job done.”

With Botswana narrowly failing to take points off table-toppers Ethiopia in Gaborone earlier, Bafana MUST now win in Addis Ababa, a town around a kilometre higher (7,546 feet) than Johannesburg (5,793 feet) in terms of altitude.

The final game against Botswana at home should be a doddle, but Ethiopia finish with CAR, who looked broken down and rusty yesterday. A draw in Addis Ababa will NOT be enough given Ethiopia's two-point lead in the group.

In World Cup qualifying, unlike AFCON, goal difference counts first, then head-to-head. But that might only help if Ethiopia end with a draw. As Gordon says: “We’ve got massive four games now to get to the World Cup.”

While fasionable nations in CONCACAF, Oceania and Europe cruise to perpetual World Cup qualification, South Africa have a two-legged play-off against ANOTHER group winner to survive even if they do finish top of CAF Group A. That can’t be right. Or fair.

But on current form, who’s betting against Rambo being on target for Brazil 2014?

FOR the prediction: see last paragraph of this http://neal-collins.blogspot.com/2013/06/rambo-igesund-turns-negatives-in-to.html and follow @nealcol on twitter!

BAFANA: Khune; Ngcongca, Mathoho, Nthethe, Nunes; Mahlangu (Ntshumayelo 80), Furman, Letsholonyane, Tshabalala; Parker (Mashego 63) Rantie (Manyisa 57).

A LITANY OF LIES: the full, unbelievable statement from TP Mazembe after their attempt at match-fixing went awfully wrong

Who do you think you're fooling? TP Mazembe president Moise

HERE it is, the full unbelievable statement from TP Mazembe president Moise Ktumbi Chapwe. A litany of lies and misinformation, produced specifically for an international audience and released to the world's media today.

In these nine ridiculous paragraphs, Mr Moise - who stayed at the home of Orlando Pirates chairman Dr Irvin Khoza just two weeks ago - makes a mockery of South Africa and the African Champions League.

In case you live on Uranus, these are the REAL facts the Buccaneers' miraculous progress in Lubumbashi, in the Katanga province, where billionaire Moise is the "elected" governor who constantly wars with the Kishasa government. And if you want further proof, see the video above.

1: The SABC, having paid R2m and organised a series of advertisers for the live broadcast of the tie, had their television and radio journalists mistreated. Their feed was cut off. South Africa - and the rest of the world - received NO LIVE COVERAGE of the game.

2 Three SABC employees, including Veli Mbuli, had their telephones taken and were held against their will. Others, including the SAFA observer, were refused access to electronic media and were unable to pass on information.

3 The Seychellois referee sent off Pirates captain Lucky Lekgwathi in a laughable incident. The home team were awarded TWO dubious penalties, both saved by Senzo Meyiwa, the hero of the hour.

4 Experienced coach Roger de Sa described the refereeing as "the worst I have seen in 35 years. Disgusting." SAFA head of delegation Elvis Shishana supported De Sa, saying: “It was a terrifying experience. Our lives were at risk.”

But hey, why let the facts get in the way of a scandalous press release? Here's TP Mazembe's view:

Management of TP Mazembe wish to distance itself from reports in the South African media that journalists that travelled to cover this match on Sunday 6th May, 2013 were prevented to carry out their duties.

It must be stated that we are a law-abiding club and that believes in fair play.

All the international journalists that travelled for the match and were duly accredited were ushered into the press tribune were they covered the match unhampered.

The media reports that journalists from the South African Broadcasting Corporation (SABC) were arrested after the match are totally unfounded and false.

There is no record of any arrests and the club has also verified these accusations with the South African consular in Katanga province who are not aware of any journalists from South Africa being arrested.

In fact, journalists from SABC even had an interview with the TP Mazembe president on Monday May 6th 2013.

We trust that the Confederation of African Football (CAF) appointed very competent match officials for this match.

We therefore appeal to our brothers and friends from Orlando Pirates to wait for the match commissioners report to address issues that are of a technical nature.

Further, there was no sabotage whatsoever on the part of TP Mazembe for the match not to be screened on SABC.

The truth is that there was a technical fault on the part of the  Congolese television station that was supposed to relay the feed to SABC. As a result, the match was not even on Congolese TV.

TP Mazembe and Orlando Pirates enjoy a very good and warm relationship which also extends to the two countries’people.

Issued by:

Moise Katumbi-Chapwe

President-TP Mazembe

What a character this self-styled "football and mining tycoon" Mr Moise is. Does he really think he can fool South Africans? Given his "close" relationship with Dr Khoza it appears unlikely Pirates will press for action but SAFA – and the SABC – appear determined to see justice done.

This is not, as PSL spokesman Luxulo September suggested to me before my eNCAnews appearance on Monday “an anti-African crusade” it is an attempt clean up the continent’s Champions League and to put people like Moise and CAF president Issa Hayatou in their place.

Will anything be done? Khoza says he’s “waiting for the referee and match commissioner reports” but of course, they are unlikely to do more than provide a whitewash of a corrupt attempt at match-fixing which went horribly wrong.

Sadly, the tough guy who runs South African football has been reduced to the Iron Duck, desperately trying to avoid confrontation with the powerful figures in African football.  He talks not of corruption but the "six star hotel" his players were offered and how football is about "building relationships and making friends".

Rubbish. African football needs to be cleaned up. I've taken incredulous calls from all over the world in the last two days as my earlier blogs collected a combined readership of close to 30,000. Nobody could quite believe what they were reading. Action must be taken to stop a repeat. I doubt anything meaningful will happen on that front.

But no matter what happens, the fact that the Buccaneers lost 1-0 and went through to the group stages 3-2 on aggregate will remain one of the great results of all time. Pity we didn’t get to see it!

The greatest game we never saw: Orlando Pirates survive a black-out, two penalties and a red card to reach the African Champions League group stages (also features translation of TP Mazembe's French match report)

Big Noise: president of TP Mazembe and
the governor of Katanga Province

HAS there ever been a more stirring football drama than the one we couldn’t see at TP Mazembe on Sunday?

Orlando Pirates somehow survived despite Lucky Lekgwathi’s sending-off, two penalty saves from goalkeeper Senzo Meyiwa and a television and radio black-out.

Their 1-0 defeat resulted in a 3-2 aggregate win which puts the Buccaneers through to the lucrative group stages of the CAF African Champions League, which offers a first prize of R15m.

But those simple sentences hardly tell the tale of intrigue, political machinations and simple cheating that went on in Lubumbashi over the weekend.

Trouble stirred when we heard an SABC journalist had been detained and had his simcard confiscated. I’m told that man was Veli Mbuli, though, like so many other factors in this story, there is no official confirmation. Veli was in touch by twitter on Sunday morning but has since gone silent.

Then as the minutes ticked towards the 3.30pm kick-off time on SABC1, Thomas Mlambo and his Democratic Republic of the Congo guest Chris Bongo began looking uncomfortable.

Then it emerged the SABC had been kicked-out of the stadium. That even their radio journalists weren’t allowed to broadcast. When Orlando Pirates won the first leg 3-1, the SABC “did all in their power” to assure good coverage in the DRC. But that was not to be reciprocated.

The social networks were awash with speculation as the game kicked-off in front of an estimated 15,000 packed house in Lubumbashi, part of the Katanga province governed by the TP Mazembe’s owner Moïse Katumbi Chapwe.

Moise, as he is known, clearly didn’t want the game seen by objective eyes. In the SABC studio, the talented Mr Mlambo got hold of Orlando Pirates administrative team manager Senzo Mazingiza. He admitted: “I’m sitting in a box, I am not allowed out, I have no access to the dressing rooms or anywhere else. But I’ll try to keep you up do date.”

But while twitter reported phantom goals and disallowed efforts, Mazingiza confirmed only: “Our captain Lucky Lekgwathi has been sent off.”

Unlucky: Lekgwathi gets his marching orders

Half-time came and went. Still 0-0. Mlambo and crew did all they could to keep us updated. More rumours. Still nothing official. Then: Senzo Meyiwa has saved a penalty. At around 70 minutes, we were told: TP Mazemba have scored. They need ONE MORE GOAL to put Orlando Pirates out on away goals after their first leg 3-1 defeat.

As the minutes ticked down, a booking for Pirates, then ANOTHER PENALTY. And in the same breath: ANOTHER SENZO SAVE.

Chris Bongo told us: “A DR Congo journalist has told me the cards against Pirates were disputable. The two penalties were harsh. But the goal TP Mazembe scored was good.

“I can also tell you nobody has received a TP Mazembe team list.”

And then the final whistle. Pirates through. Senzo the hero. Cue general celebration. The morning had been spent dealing with Kaizer Chiefs fans questioning the need to enjoy an Orlando Pirates triumph in Africa. By the final whistle, the nation had joined together to cheer a victory which will surely go down as one of the unseen greats among football fans.

Senzo said afterwards: “It wasn’t a game, it was a war. We knew after a few minutes we were in for it. A lot of decisions were going against us but we were prepared for that.

“For the start of the second half we all just told ourselves that, we are going back there to fight. This was no longer a Pirates match, it was more a match to uphold the pride of the nation,”

Quite what happens now, who knows? The SABC apparently stumped up R2m to screen the game live. They sent a crew to Lubumbashi at great cost. They had advertisers lined up for the match. All gone, money wasted, a man arrested.

With the two groups of eight due to be drawn on May 15, Mlambo assured us:  “Television coverage of the final stages (six games) now reverts to CAF. I promise you we will be able to show those games live on SABC.”

THE LAST EIGHT
1. Orlando Pirates (South Africa)
2. Recreativo Libolob (Angola)
3. AC Leopard (Congo)
4. Esperance (Tunisia)
5. Sewe Sport (Ivory Coast)
6. Coton Sport de Garoua (Cameroon)
7. Zamalek (Egypt)
8. Al Ahly (Egypt)

But let’s not count our chickens. In a real world, CAF and their controversial president Issa Hayatou would now slap a huge fine and suspension on Mazembe, who have won the CAF Champions League four times and clearly consider themselves above the law.

In a real world, we would question the appointment – announced on Friday – of four Seychellois officials and a match adjudicator from Gabon. Both French-speaking nations, like Hayatou’s Cameroon and Mazembe’s DR Congo.

But I doubt any action will be taken. Hayatou and Moise have never enjoyed seeing Southern African sides progress too far in the continent’s biggest club competition.

Roger de Sa and his team, still in with a slight chance of PSL glory back home, must now prepare for a long hard series of six group matches, with a possible two-legged semi-final and final through the South African winter.

What we didn't see: the Pirates bench on Sunday

And I wouldn’t be against further shenanigans later in the competition. I got Roger De Sa’s backing to travel with the team as an observer to assure some kind of airing of grievances. I also spoke to SAFA President Kirsten Nematandani, who said he’d look in to sending me with one of his observers.

But Orlando Pirates never came back to me. A British passport and visa difficulties meant I couldn’t go under my own steam.  I hope, next time, I get to see this kind of cheating – yes, that’s what it is when you don’t provide a team-sheet – for myself.

Until then, we can only throw our hands up in the air – and celebrate a MASSIVE triumph for the South African champions in a very foreign land.

This will be my Neal and Pray column in www.thenewage.co.za on Tuesday. Follow me at www.twitter.com/nealcol.

TRANSLATION OF TP Mazembe MATCH REPORT FROM THEIR WEBSITE:

Direct translation, anything I've added is in capital italics


The year 2013 will not be a great year in the history book of TP Mazembe.

In the Champions League, the adventure ends in 8th finals, as the Ravens, who won 1-0, have not been able to beat a second time the South African goalkeeper MEYIWA which stopped two penalties ... Upgraded (OUTCLASSED), tossed, the Pirates held a miracle. And TPM will sin by mistake, precipitation and lack of composure.

"It's make or break". This was the slogan of the Ravens kick off in a hot arena (WHICH WAS) filled to the brim. For it to pass, we had to capture the ball, put the Pirates (UNDER) pressure twice and find a hole in their ship.

The Almighty: Meyiwa denies TP Mazembe. Again.

The Ravens are not employed without waiting for a second. Had they (EVER) been as dominating in the first half? Rarely.

It was a constant onslaught on the South African goal. A seat (THRONE). So much so that a good fifteen numbered offensive (SHOTS) which lacked only the conclusion.

Orlando came out miraculously, mainly because of its stops keeper! But also because of the awkwardness of the premises where the powder was visibly wet (DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND BUT I THINK I GET IT).

Samatta four times during the first 6 minutes, then Kasusula (10th), MPUTU (17th), Singuluma (19th), KABANGU (22) missed the target or stumbled on the visitors goal.

Kidiaba? Output foot (27th) and especially a rescue (SAVE FROM) Mbesuma (42nd). For the rest, the great ROBERT saw MPUTU, ASANTE, FRIMPONG, KABANGU swirl without result. Yet they were helped when the referee pulled out the straight red Captain Lekgwathi for mowing MPUTU to 16m as the last defender (38th). But many free-kicks and corners were in vain. At rest (HALF-TIME), all had to be done.

Incredible: two penalties missed!

In the second half, it was a new shelling purpose (ASSAULT ON) Pirates in which the guardian MEYIWA multiplied miracles. To believe that he was the Almighty!

Lamine Ndiaye was replaced by FRIMPONG KALABA (46th), followed by KABANGU bokanga (55) playing with a three-man defense to put everything on the offensive.

But this Sunday was really a cursed day for CROWS.

In the 56th minute, MEYIWA stopped a penalty kick awarded for a bokanga and mowing the untenable Solomon Asante. And he bowed a shot of Kasusula (72nd), he turned another penalty this time drawn MPUTU (88th).

Mazembe could only blame itself because at this level you can not miss two penalties without being punished. The punishment is that the TPM will not play the quarterfinals of the Champions League in 2013.

The World Cup's TEN great miracles: from affable Afrikaners to triumphant trumpets

Africa’s first World Cup is coming to a glorious climax. We have seen so much to wonder at, we have seen so many problems surmounted, so many great goals, so much scintillating football, so many poor refereeing decisions, so many dreams shattered.

The World Cup that was supposed to collapse in chaos has risen above the carping doom-sayers. As I have said from the start, it could turn out to be the best yet. Every night for a month, the eyes of the world have been upon the Rainbow Nation. And I have yet to meet an unhappy travelling fan... Algerian, America, English, Italian, Slovenian, Brazilian. Believe me, I have spoken to footballing pilgrims from around the world.

Okay, the pitch at Port Elizabeth wasn’t perfect. Some of the park-and-ride facilities have required a stiff hike after the whistle. Polokwane and Nelspruit, just two of the wonderful new stadiums on offer, may never see the like again.

And Sepp Blatter is still a dictator with one eye firmly on the profit margins.

But now I think we must address the truly miraculous elements of South Africa 2010. The unexpected realities that must be examined before 22 gladiators meet for their life-or-death struggle at Soccer City on Sunday. As the Romans might have said: Incredibili (that’s unbelievable in Latin).

1 Affable Afrikaners

Not known for their love of footballers (or anyone else for that matter) the lost white tribe of Africa take No1 spot purely for their stoicism. Having had their rugby ground in Pretoria stolen by the World Cup (their beloved Blue Bulls had to play the Super 15 final in Soweto just before the big kick-off) our bearded friends (men and women) have somehow taken this whole African festival of footie on the chin. Having just read a particularly nasty little fascist newspaper called “The Afrikaner”, which offers only the prospect of post-Apartheid apocalypse, I swear this is true: When Paraguay bored the pants off Japan at Loftus Versfeld last week, a family of Afrikaners were attempting to master the Vuvuzela in front of me. The mum just couldn’t get it right. She sounded like a chronic case of flatulence. So the black couple next to them offered help. And the black kids further along. By the end of the game they were taking pictures of each other in warm embrace. The mum told me afterwards: “That was such fun. I’ve never really been to a social event with blecks.” And that was just one incident among dozens. Onbewaarbaar (that’s unbelievable in Afrikaans).

2 Jabulani joy

After a month of being told how the new adidas ball is far too light and impossible to control, we finally get to Cape Town and the Holland v Uruguay semi-final. By this time, only two Japanese free-kicks in the space of five minutes against Denmark had really shown any great potential. Then Gio van Bronkhorst, the Dutch captain who is nearly as old as Jan van Riebeeck, hits one from about thirty yards. If the net hadn’t been there to stop it, the superlight Jabulani may have ended up happily on Robben Island. An absolute scorcher. Later we had Diego Forlan hitting one which bent all over the place. How Gavin Cowley, the adidas spokesman behind the Jabulani, must have smiled. Nothing wrong with this ball. Just took a bit of getting used to. And consider the profit it has made around the globe after all those headlines. Unglaublich (that’s unbelievable in German).

3 Fantastic fanatics

I’ve mentioned before the incredible scenes when the US pipped Algeria with a last-minute Landon Donovan goal to top Group C. The Yanks couldn’t believe their luck. Mad celebration which culiminated in the striker from Hull Jozy Altidor going over the fence to clasp the Stars and Stripes. Right in front of the massed ranks of Algerians, north African Muslims to a man (and woman). Did they react? Barely a whisper. They smiled and clapped as their American rivals, not all that popular in the Muslim world, enjoyed their moment. Had Jozy celebrated like that at the New Den, Millwall fans may have offered a few oaths. Even the odd oaf. But Pretoria remained peaceful. Scenes like that have been replayed all over South Africa; Uruguayan joy, African misery; German jubilation, English desolation; Dutch delight, Brazilian disbelief. And not a fight in sight. Increíble (that’s unbelievable in Spanish).

4 Mandela magic

The father of this Rainbow Nation has not been well enough to play a public role in proceedings. On the day the tournament kicked-off his great-grand-daughter died in a car accident on the way home from the opening concert. But still Nelson Mandela’s magic pervades this World Cup, our world. Time after time, the name of Madiba crops up to unify the people, to make them proud, to provide a reference point. He may not even be aware of it. Long before this tournament began, I was told FIFA had a contingency plan in place should his incredible life come to an end. But somehow he has endured. And you know he’s loving every minute with this once-divided nation on show to billions around the planet. Long may it continue. Ngakholeki(yo) (that’s unbelievable in Xhosa).

5 Maradona manners

Dodgy Diego was doing so well. His Argentina side appeared ready to go all the way. Loving it in the spotlight, he told us: “You said I couldn’t coach, but we are winning.” And they were, in style, despite those curious coaching sessions with Argies pelting the Jabulani at each other’s exposed bottoms at the Pretoria University High Performance Centre. King Diego sat astride his mighty throne (the specially imported R45,000 bidet-toilets he had demanded for his room) and waved to the crowds so much he might have injured his wrist. And then Germany came along and put four past them in the quarter-finals. Smaller men might have been rude to the media, bitten their dog, turned to illicit substances or taken a shot at a reporter. But Diego held it together: “I'm as disappointed as all Argentines. To see my country lose a football match is very hard for someone who has worn the shirt.” Unfasslick (that’s also German for unbelievable).

6 Richie Rich

Rich Mkhondo was the sacrificial lamb put in charge of communications by FIFA before this World Cup began. Despite nearly 50 years as an author and journalist, Rich told me back in Janauary during the cricket tour that he knew exactly how tough his task was going to be. Sepp Blatter’s bunch have never been the most popular people and here he was, the kid from Katlehong, supposed to defend them to the hilt. But as the stories of bloodbaths, gangs, crime and deadly snakes ripped into his nation from around the world did Richie howl “unfair” and banish all foreign journalists? Never! When the nation cried foul as FIFA got it wrong time and again, did our Richie look disheartened? Never! And here we are, close to the finish line. And the bloke I remember so well from Rhodes University and the Rand Daily Mail all those years ago is able to tell us this World Cup has been a roaring success. This week, the predicted influx of rand-rich fans is headed towards the half-a-million mark. Mighty Mkhondo assured us: "We are confident that we will surpass the number of 450 000 that we initially predicted. And there’s still a few days to go.” Nswempu (that’s Zulu for unbelievable).

7 Dutch delight

I said before this tournament began that Holland, with Europe’s two best players (Inter Milan’s Wesley Sneijder and Bayern Munich’s Arjen Robben, they met at the Champions League final) were the best outside bet at 12-1 with Paddy Power. Now unbeaten in a record 25 games and currently on a streak of 10 successive wins, the lurid orange glow has lit up this tournament. They’ve never won it before, and my Olympic experiences at Sydney and Athens suggest they will travel in great numbers, despite a lack of available flights. The final looms and Arsenal’s lethal Robin Van Persie is just starting to turn it on after injury. In a country settled by Dutch pioneer Jan van Riebeeck and still inhabited by over ten million who speak a form of their language, the whole thing is, well... ongelofelijk (that’s Dutch for unbelievable).

8 Trumpet triumphant

The much-derided Vuvuzela was supposed to ruin this World Cup. Critics with ear-plugs from around the world lined up to call for a blanket ban. Or just a blanket. But the sound of South Africa 2010 refused to go away. Then the Vuvuzela turned up at a baseball game in Florida. And at the European Formula One Grand Prix in Valencia. It was banned from the Pamplona bull run in Spain but emerged unscathed to become a specialised button on the website YouTube. Push it, and you get a belligerent blast. Now it is selling out around the world. A simple plastic horn designed only to enhance the atmosphere at poorly attended local football games. Paaaaaarp (that’s Vuvuzela for unbelievable).

9 Superstars splattered

Wayne Rooney. Cristiano Ronaldo. The appropriately named Kaka. Thierry Henry and Nicolas Anelka. The holders Italy. Ah, how the mighty have fallen, as they so often do in African skirmishes. Just google Isandlwana (1979 was another bad year for England). Who could have predicted they would all be at home, licking their wounds and watching the final on television? This is just what football needed: a slap in the face for the overpaid superstars of football. Leave it instead to tiny Holland to carry the banner. Or the young, unfancied Germans. And let the glory belong to Ghana, who were denied an historic place in the last four only by the hand of Luis Suarez. In the end, all three “Hand of God” exponents were laid low. Suarez, Maradona... and Henry. Dochreidte (that’s unbelievable in Irish).

10 SuperSport sizzles

Thomas Mlambo is South Africa’s real World Cup winner. Watched by a huge domestic audience as the SABC struggles, SuperSport presenter Thomas Sipho Mlambo started out as an in-store announcer for a local shopping chain in Johannesburg. Now he’s the authentic voice of African football. Dealing with anything from the age-wearied cynicism of Terry “It wasn’t a great game” Paine, the sharp insights of John “I can also do rap” Barnes and a host of guests from all over the globe, “Big Brother” never stops smiling. A former Wits footballer before his knees packed up, tee-total Mlambo wants to get married, own a Maserati and settle down. Or so he says. As long as he doesn’t stop talking football. They said South Africa couldn’t cover a World Cup properly, let alone host the event. As Thomas says so often through that glittering smile... unbelieeeeeevable (that’s SuperSport for unbelievable).