Don't worry Kaizer Chiefs. Last night's own goal wasn't the worst we've ever seen. Have a look at this little lot....

It seems unfair to single out a youngster for a blunder in only his second major start for a big club. But hell, Simphiwe Mtsweni's own goal at Soccer City last night takes some beating.

Caught on the far-post, the 19-year-old left back appeared to have time to control, clear... do anything he wanted. Instead he chose to stick the ball in the corner, not quite what third-choice AmaKhosi goalkeeper Brilliant Khuzwayo was hoping for.

Fortunately Mtsweni's equaliser in last night's Nedbank Cup tie against third-tier club Buffalo from East London wasn't decisive. Chiefs went on to win 2-1 to progress to today's Nedbank Cup quarter-final draw. And luckily there weren't many there to witness his blunder. But here it is...





Of course, Mtsweni is not the first AmaKhosi to produce a bizarre own goal. Team-mate Bernard Parker's bizarre header while playing for South Africa against Ethiopia last year had far greater consequences than last night's effort. And it was a far better finish.

His header simply flew past Chiefs team-mate Itumeleng Khune to put the Antelopes 2-1 up and send Bafana Bafana crashing out of the 2014 World Cup, though I suspect Gordon Igesund would have struggled to make it through the play-offs against Nigeria even if he'd won Group A.






Still. It could be worse for the Chiefs pair. How about this last night in the English Premier League? Hull City defender James Chester's effort wasn't just hilarious, it was also the WINNER for West Ham in a desperate relegation battle. BOOM!





And the worst own goal of all? Impossible to say. There have been so many examples of football's most inexplicable act. But here's one that may make Messrs Mtsweni, Parker and Chester feel a little bit better this morning:

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South Africa's greatest footballer Benni McCarthy retires at 35: the full statement here, updating as we go

Winner: Benni McCarthy won the Champions League with Porto

BENNI McCARTHY, South Africa’s greatest modern footballer, has retired. The 35-year-old released this statement through his agency last night. Orlando Pirates chairman Irvin Khoza says he knows nothing about the news so this story may yet have some legs.

We can debate the controversies and the torrid final season all we want, but the fact is, the man from humble roots in Hanover Park, Cape Town, went on to play in Holland, Portugal (where he won the Champions League with Jose Mourinho), Spain and England (where he was Blackburn Rovers' top scorer, second only to Chelsea's Didier Drogba). He won the League Championships with Ajax, Porto and Pirates, the only South African to win titles in three countries. His $8m move to Spain's Celta Vigo in 1999 remains the nation's highest fee.

Final fling: Benni at Pirates

His return to South Africa late in his career was widely lampooned after he was fined for weight gain during a disastrous spell at West Ham, but his goals propelled the Buccaneers to a second-successive treble.

He was there when it mattered, using those years of experience to pop home the vital goals and he took the Soweto derby by storm with a brace. On the last day of the 2011-2012 season, it was Benni who scored the two goals which put paid to Golden Arrows and clinched the title for caretaker coach Augusto Palacios.

I wrote this after the derby for The New Age, accepting McCarthy still offered great value for a reputed R6m annual wage which made him the highest-paid player in the country: http://www.thenewage.co.za/mobi/Detail.aspx?NewsID=2142&Mid=186&CatID=. Benni's absence this season - due to injury and age - was the principle reason behind the double-winning success of arch-rivals Kaizer Chiefs. A couple of incidents of goal-poaching from Big Benni might well have made 2012-2013 a very different story.

And now he's gone. There is disbelief from Pirates fans today, and Dr Khoza himself seems mystified amid reports of McCarthy being prepared to play for another season following a tweet from his agent Rob Moore saying just that on May 28.

On the http://www.carlingblacklabel.co.za/bethecoach/players/2 website, where fans vote to decide which player should represent their team in the pre-season friendly between Orlando Pirates and Soweto rivals Kaizer Chiefs, Benni has a team leading 224,999 votes from a hopeful Ghost. But popular demand will count for nothing if King Benni has abdicated.

Here are the words from McCarthy himself at the end of a career which sees him hang up his boots as South Africa’s only Champions League winner and Bafana’s top goal scorer:

“I have been so blessed to have enjoyed a remarkable career that took me from the township fields of Nyanga Stadium, to winner’s medals in the Uefa Champions League and World Club Cup - the highest levels that a player can achieve in club football.

“I retire having represented my country at senior level 80 times and scored a record 31 goals. Two Soccer World Cup finals, in France and Korea/Japan, an Olympic Games and a u-20 World Cup Finals will be memories that live in my heart forever.

“And to have come home to South Africa for a final chapter, and to have won the treble with Orlando Pirates, was the type of finale that only dreams are made of.

“It has been a 17-year professional career that surpassed even my own expectations and I’ve been privileged to have played under many great Coaches, including the very best, Jose Mourinho.

“Football has been good to me – it has provided special moments and in the process, has enabled me to have been in a position to have improved the lives of my family members. For that, I am most grateful.

“I’d like to thank so many people for making so many aspects of this journey possible. My family has always been a tremendous support, especially my mom, Dora, and my late father, Dudley. I trust that I have made them proud in some small way.

“Sponsors, like Nike, who have been there for me for the past 15 years and I appreciate that. And finally, my mentor and business manager, Rob Moore, who has walked along this road with me since I joined him in 1995 as a 17-year-old.

“Football is my life. I have played the game and I love the game…….it’s in my blood. For the next chapter, I’d like to concentrate on getting my Coaching Badges and at the same time, be part of a club where I can get practical experience. I’d also like to do some television work because I enjoy that aspect of the game as well.”

I'll be updating this story through the day - and you can follow the live situation on my twitter timeline at www.twitter.com/nealcol.

All the predictions before a wicked weekend: from Chiefs to Pirates, Gunners to Blues

On target for Chiefs last week: Majoro

It's a massive weekend for football here and abroad. In South Africa, Kaizer Chiefs must attempt to resume their all-conquering Q1 form at Maritzburg United tonight while lowly AmaZulu go to Orlando on Sunday hoping to plunder the Pirates in a battle of the jolly Rogers.

In Cape Town tomorrow, coachless Ajax are out to halt the Johan Neeskens revival at Mamelodi Sundowns which actually resulted in a Telkom KO goal against AmaTuks during the week, the Msandawana's first strike since Noah began boat-building.

In England, the two European crisis clubs are in action tomorrow. Arsenal must end their slump against rock-bottom QPR and Manchester City simply have to overcome Swansea. The Merseyside derby and Chelsea v Manchester United suggest a Super Sunday lies in wait.

And just to prove I do notice La Liga, I can't see Barcelona producing anything less than a rampant win at Rayo Vallecano on Saturday night at 10pm South African time but Real Madrid, beaten by Borussia Dortmund in the Champions League this weekend, may stutter again when they go to the holiday island of Mallorca on Sunday night at 9.30pm.

My predictions for the weekend’s fixtures below, with a line of explanation:

PSL

TONIGHT

Maritzburg United 2-2 Kaizer Chiefs

Maritzburg is no longer an easy trip, not even for the table-topping Amakhosi

TOMORROW

SuperSport United 0-1 Bidvest Wits

Gavin Hunt’s bus may not deny the big-spending, new-look Clever Boys

Platinum Stars 0-1 Free State Stars

A meeting of Stars eclipsed by Steve Komphela’s travellers from Bethlehem

Ajax Cape Town 1-3 Mamelodi Sundowns

Still without a coach, Ajax may struggle to stop Neeskens’ Msandawana revival

Golden Arrows 2-0 Chippa United

Former Chippa boss Manqoba Mngqithi is back to fire the Arrows

Moroka Swallows 2-1 Black Leopards

Birds should swoop in a week over-shadowed by Sunday Chidzambga’s life-ban

SUNDAY

Bloemfontein Celtic 0-0 University of Pretoria

Steve Barker’s early charge appears to be stuttering, Celtic blooming

Orlando Pirates 3-1 AmaZulu

Jolly Roger de Sa takes on Rogered Palmgren. Only one result.

PREMIER LEAGUE

TOMORROW

Aston Villa 0-1 Norwich (1:45pm South African time)

Coming off the back of their victory over the Gunners, Canaries are flying

Arsenal 3-1 QPR (4pm)

Arsene Wenger simply cannot leave the Emirates pointless tomorrow night. Can he?          

Reading 1-1 Fulham  (4pm)   

Defeat for relegation-threatened Reading unthinkable at home

Stoke 2-1 Sunderland (4pm)    

After the draw with Newcastle, Sunderland may not relish a trip to Potteries

Wigan 0-2 West Ham (4pm)    

Sam Allardyce’s promoted Hammers secure their place in the top half

Man City 3-0 Swansea (6.30pm)

Roberto Mancini’s under enough pressure, time for the millionaires to perform      

SUNDAY

Everton 1-3 Liverpool  (2.30pm) 

Liverpool show no Mersey in their bid to catch the arch-rivals

Newcastle 2-2 West Brom  (4pm)    

Toon in tune in Europe this week, but Baggies are a stubborn bunch

Southampton 0-2 Tottenham (4pm)    

After the 4-1 surrender against the Hammers, Saints in trouble against Spurs

Chelsea 3-2 Man Utd (5pm)

THE BIG ONE: got to be a Blue day, despite Champions League failure this week

Minister of Tourism McCarthy: Now Maniche wants to come to South Africa

BENNI McCARTHY'S future seems assured. The Tourism Department will snap him up if Orlando Pirates ignore my pleas to forge him in to a future coach.
With former West Ham team-mate Luiz Boa Morte already signed up as an honorary South African after an encouraging chat with Orlando Pirates chairman Irvin Khoza, another Portugal international could soon be on his way.
Nuno Ricardo de Oliveira Ribeiro is better known as Maniche. He played with Benni in 2004 when Porto won the Champions League. And acording to The Sowetan today, Benni's had a word.
Though he didn't enjoy the Nedbank Cup defeat against the excellent Steve Komphela's Free State Stars at Orlando on Saturday, the magic McCarthy smile recovered when he revealed: "Maniche is not the only one. There are loads of professionals interested in coming to South Africa next season.
"In the past, the big stars like David Beckham and Thierry Henry have gone to finish their careers in the American MLS or the Middle East after quitting the big European Leagues.
"I can only advise, but I'm proud to hear household names want to play in our Premier League.
"The youngsters here will learn from them. Their presence in South Africa ill help improve our game and the profile of the PSL."
After a week which saw a 90,000 crowd for the Soweto derby - where McCarthy scored twice in a 3-2 win for the Pirates - plus huge crowds for their goalless draw against Sundowns at Loftus and Chiefs 2-0 Bloemfontein Celtic - Benni insists: "The PSL has a great future."
McCarthy couldn't confirm whether Maniche, who won 50 caps for Portugal and eight trophies with Porto, will join the old guard at the Buccaneers. But the former Inter Milan, Atletico Madrid, Chelsea, Dinamo Moscow, Porto and Benfica central midfielder is definitely keen to come to the tip of Africa.
McCarthy confirmed: "We had a chat with Nuno, I played with him at Porto and he is a wonderful talent. He is very keen to come and further his football career in South Africa.
"He wanted to know what it is like to play in South Africa and I just told him: It's incredible."

Harry Redknapp: The full incredible story of his trial...and his dog's bank account at Barklays

What you probably don’t know about Harry Redknapp, the famous Spurs manager currently in court for tax evasion in London, is just how popular the bloke is.

Father of the talented Jamie, now a television presenter after a successful career with Liverpool and England, Our ‘Arry is beloved of journalists and would be a popular choice to take over the England job if Fabio Capello resigns after Euro 2012 later this year.

Badly injured in a car crash which killed his close mate and Bournemouth FC owner Brian Tiler at the World Cup in 1990, ‘Arry is not your typical frosty football boss.

As he approaches what used to be a pensionable age – he’ll be 65 on March 2 – ‘Arry has manipulated Spurs into a position of title contention after taking over from the clueless Juande Ramos three years ago with the club languishing at the bottom of the Premier League.

Conviction for tax fraud for one of Britain’s great sporting icons, who took a break from his beloved bench to undergo heart surgery last year, is simply unthinkable.

Through a long, largely successful career in management (West Ham, Portsmouth, Southampton, Portsmouth again and now Tottenham) after a modest stint as a player mostly at West Ham and Bournemouth, he has always been good for a quote, a larf, a sound-bite.

I say always. There was the time he said he’d "sue the b*******" off one my old mate Rob Beasley, the News of the World football reporter who asked too many questions about his tax dealings. Still, at least he’s outlasted the newspaper.

Harry’s problem revolves around a bank account set up in his dog’s name – Rosie47 (the dog and the year of his birth) was allegedly the Monaco-based off-shore home for his ill-gotten gains.

Now, after all those years of entertainment, we are told by the court in Southwark that he has been "feigning ignorance" about his illegal dealings “for six years before his arrest” despite telling police “I’m not on the fiddle” as he and his former Portsmouth chairman Milan Mandaric were questioned over two payments amounting to £189,000.

Redknapp insists his dog’s account – soon to be moved to Hounduras, Barklays Bank, apparently, using a pawpal transfer according to the wags – was built up through transfer profit bonuses. Mandaric, unfortunately, insists the money was “an investment fund” set up outside of football.

John Black QC, prosecuting in the tax evasion trial at Southwark Crown Court this week, recounted a conversation between Beasley and Redknapp. ‘Arry told the reporter: “I’ve got the best accountants in England, the Inland Revenue know about Monaco.”

But  Beasley then mentioned Mandaric's explanation and ‘Arry said: "He don't know what he is f***ing talking about. What is he talking about? It is a bonus."

Redknapp insisted the cash came from profits made on the sale of Peter Crouch from Portsmouth to Aston Villa – he was later to sign the gangly striker again at Spurs.

He added: "If it was something dodgy I would have gone over there and brought it back in a briefcase."

When Beasley asked him whether he had paid any tax in the UK on it, Redknapp replied: "Haven't been asked to, Rob."

Redknapp said "there ain't nothing crooked in it" and told Beasley: "Don't say bung. It's nothing to do with a bung. It's paid by the chairman.

 "How can it be a bung when the chairman of the football club paid me? What's a bung? It's a f****** sick word."

It’s the idea of ‘Arry being paid the money in to an account in his dog’s name that has really captured the imagination though. Redknapp declared the account to tax inspectors just before he left Portsmouth for Spurs in 2008 and told police he thought the “Rosie account” was dormant and that he didn’t know Mandaric, now 73 and chairman of Sheffield Wednesday, had put any money in it.

Redknapp told the police: “Milan's probably lost it. I could show you people who I have lent money to in investments.

"It would blow your brains away, the money I have squandered but then I do trust people, that's the way I live my life.

"I was told I wasn't liable for income tax on so many occasions. For the sake of that amount of money or any amount of money, I don't fiddle. I pay my tax since I have been in football my entire life. I pay every penny."

But the prosecution says ‘Arry only mentioned the Monaco account after he was questioned during the Premier League-led Quest investigation in 2006.

Mr Black said: "The existence of the bank account was not registered to Revenue and Customs for a period of six years, two months... after Mr Redknapp was first arrested and questioned in the course of this investigation.

 “It's clear that it was only at this time that Mr Redknapp brought to the attention the existence of the Monaco bank account, feigning almost total ignorance of its existence, its operation and its contents."

Redknapp and Mandaric deny two counts of cheating the taxman. The trial continues...

Read Scoop!, South Africa's new Sunday tabloid for more from me on this story - available at Gauteng and KZN outlets. See also www.scoopnews.co.za

Pienaar lands in Johannesburg, McCarthy returns from Disneyland. Which one's Mickey Mouse?

The two most recognisable faces of South African football nearly crossed paths at Heathrow Airport in London on Wednesday night – Steven Pienaar on his way to Johannesburg and going places, Benni McCarthy on his way home from Disneyland and going nowhere.

While Bafana Bafana captain Pienaar is looking forward to three Vodacom Cup games with Tottenham Hotspur, South Africa’s record goalscorer McCarthy is desperately seeking a club to extend his career.

At 33, Benni appears to be quite relaxed about his future. According to Ed Aarons, the British journalist who worked in South Africa, this is what his agent Rob Moore said about Benni’s quest for a future: "I spoke to Benni and he’s just got back from Disneyland with his family, but Benni just wants to take a bit of time to decide his next move.”

Cast out of West Ham after scoring precisely zero goals in 18 months of argument about his weight, Benni is apparently sought after in the United Arab Emirates and America’s MLS, where old professionals never die, they just play that way.

Alternatively, we hear Ajax’s Cape Town branch are keen on bringing McCarthy back to the mother city after a goal-happy 12-year career in Europe which took in Celta Vigo, Porto and Blackburn before the disastrous £2m move to the Hammers.

Hopefully he’s left Mickey Mouse behind and is currently working hard at pre-season training, though exactly where and when that happens remains open to question.

And Pienaar? He turned up at Oliver Tambo International yesterday full of beans, ready to take on Kaizer Chiefs in Polokwane on Saturday after admitting to being an Orlando Pirates fan when he grew up in nearby Westbury. Spurs play Pirates at Nelspruit’s Mbombela Stadium on Tuesday.

Pienaar is the new face of South African football. Presentable, hard-working, eager to please. With the Luca Modric-to-Chelsea row growing by the day, he will use the Vodacom Challenge as a perfect opportunity to prove his worth to boss Harry Redknapp, who signed him from Everton for a bargain £2m in January.

He twittered this week: “It’s always amazing to play back home. I can’t wait. I supported Pirates as a kid before I moved to Ajax Cape Town.”

Prior to that, Pienaar offered his views on the Rainbow Nation’s hosting of last year’s World Cup to FIFA, saying: “Many people, especially in Europe, thought that we couldn’t manage a World Cup in our country. At the end, we all proved them wrong.

“The world celebrated a fantastic World Cup on the African continent, with crazy supporters and the unforgettable sounds of the Vuvuzelas.

“The future will show us if we can keep up the spirit from the World Cup, but I am convinced that we can do it. I think a World Cup in my country was a fantastic opportunity for us and the African people to make a strong statement on ending discrimination.”

Yup, Pienaar isn’t afraid to be political. He added: “Growing up in South Africa, a country that for many years suffered under racial discrimination, I kept myself busy with football and tried not to think about apartheid around me. It was a tough time in South Africa and many innocent people suffered under apartheid in my home country, but we have to forget about the past and build on our future.

“Nelson Mandela is our ‘Father of the Nation,’ and he played a major role in trying to put an end to discrimination in South Africa and the world. Even when he was in jail, he never gave up fighting for freedom or for our rights. He showed us that we all have to fight for a better life, for freedom and for an end to discrimination in the world.

“Sport is the best thing to unite people. Nelson Mandela taught us how sports can change people’s minds and bring them together as a happy family. I remember the Rugby World Cup in our country when he brought our nation together. Sports can change people’s minds and prejudices not only in South Africa but around the whole world.”

Spot on Schillo. Perhaps it’s time big Benni tried to change people’s minds and prejudices.

Now read Ed Aaron's superb blog on McCarthy: http://edaarons.blogspot.com/2011/07/bennis-homecoming-fat-or-fiction.html

Hammer Blow after Hammer Blow: It's fool's Gold at Upton Park

JUST what you need isn't it? Poor old Gianfranco Zola, one of football's genuine nice guys, on a run of five defeats, fighting relegation, with sticky Stoke at home tomorrow.

Then the owners David Sullivan and David Gold say they want to sit in on your team meetings. And that's after Sullivan has posted an open letter on the website saying he was "angry and upset" at "the disorganised way we played" in the 3-1 defeat against Wolves on Tuesday.

Some other choice lines from the letter, which also went to the season-ticket holders? "I had no sleep last night having watch that shambolic performance" and "I apologise to every supporter and fully expect a dramatic improvement."

Great. Bet Zola never thought of encouraging a "dramatic improvement" himself. Am I the only one who has noticed the correlation between West Ham's slump and the arrival of Gold and Sullivan, the supposed saviours of the Hammers after the collapse of their Icelandic backersw?

England centre-back Matthew Upson, who should never have left Arsenal, has discounted Sullivan's comments on the club's website as "pretty irrelevant". He added: "I wouldn't say from a player's point of view it helps. We only concentrate on the coaches and the manager. They're the people we want to listen to."

And Zola has, according to the Daily Mail, refused to allow Sullivan into the team meeting as he prepares his side for the Stoke clash. He will be under enough pressure as it is. Two of his new signings, Egyptian Mido and South African Benni McCarthy, haven't helped.

McCarthy, 32, who has been out with a knee injury sustained soon after his £2.5m move from Blackburn, looked far from fit against Wolves but saw fit to tell every nearby journalist how he was going to lead the fight against the drop.

Mido meanwhile has told everyone who will listen how he is willing to play for a mere £1,000 a week - but was spotted by the great Charlie Sale eating fish and chips at the Golden Hind in Marylebone this week.

If it wasn't so tragic, it would be laughable. West Ham were cruising until Gold and Sullivan arrived and told the world how the car park attendants were earning £70,000 a year and the club was over-spending in all areas.

They've called for a 25 percent reduction in wages all round, leaving Zola struggling to motivate his troops, with or without Sullivan and Gold helping out in the dressing room.

Clearly the two former Birmingham owners, who made their money selling women's knickers and publishing dodgy magazines, have their own agenda.

Mark Hughes is being lined up to replace Zola (that's if the former Wales, Blackburn and Manchester City boss doesn't heed the call from Celtic) and nobody expects the little Italian, still adored by Chelsea fans, to survive the summer.

Of course, what should have happened, as any true West Ham fan will tell you, is that Gold and Sullivan should have arrived quietly, let the club see out the season in mid-table safety - and then made their changes and public proclamations.

Instead, from where I sit, their intervention has sent morale and performances plummeting. And if Burnley or Hull get their acts together, the Hammers could be in for a few serious blows as the bubble bursts over the final seven games of the season.

See also: www.nealcollins.co.uk or www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICqvSAzA0AY