WHAT OUR SPORTS MINISTER SHOULD SAY TO SOUTH AFRICA'S CRICKETERS (after all, he said it to our footballers)

It takes three to tango: Mbalula, Smith, Zuma

The right honourable Fikile Mbalula should have issued THIS statement on South Africa’s cricketers on Saturday afternoon.

As our world-beating Proteas slumped to a huge 281-run defeat against the poxy Australian sons-of-convicts, we need the same sort of wake-up call Mbaks offered Bafana Bafana when they crashed out of CHAN last month.

Why does our Sports Minister not feel the need to decry our cricketers and rugby players in the same way as he sticks it to our footballers? This was South Africa’s third heaviest run-margin defeat of all time, and it happened at fortress SuperSportPark with captain Graeme Smith attempting to blame the conditions. I can only imagine it has something to do with the inbuilt fear of white expertise which sadly lingers in our society.

Of course, just as Bafana can redeem themselves with a friendly win over Brazil on March 5, so the Proteas can fight back in this three-match series against the Australians. Hopefully they'll be fired up for the second Test starting at Port Elizabeth on February 20.

So I’ve crafted this for our beloved “bliksem hulle” sporting spokesman, based in all but detail on his annihilation of our beloved Bafana Bafana on January 19, the night after that awful 3-1 defeat against Nigeria’s third team:

“What I saw there was not a problem of coaching, it was a bunch of losers who don’t have any respect for this country, or any respect for anybody. We must never wake up to this again.

“What did we come to see? Just a bunch of unbearable, useless individuals. Let them be told their performance was not even lacklustre, it was useless.

“We indeed have a crisis of monumental proportions and this first Test match at Centurion has proved that. The mediocrity we saw over four days is disgraceful. On Saturday, we saw a bunch of losers who lost by over two hundred runs.

"We must go back to the drawing board. That mediocrity that was displayed… we must never wake up to this situation ever again.

“Let’s not jump at one man. The CSA must look at this thoroughly. Russell Domingo is not the only problem in the team. If we are united, Haroon Lorgat would not have spent sleepless nights negotiating to get the players in to the nets. We should have fielded our best team for this Test, not a mediocre team.

“Some of the players think it is their right to be in the Protea team, some have been there but never won anything. We must forget this generation of players.

“They don’t respect their parents, their girlfriends and the nation. There is a need for a new generation of players as the current crop doesn’t respect the country. England did it when they got rid of players like Kevin Pietersen, so why can’t we? They must make way.

“I love Graeme Smith but I don’t know what was going on in his head. He was playing in front of his home supporters and I’m sure even his family was there, but what he did was unthinkable.

“I could have scored more runs than him. He reminded me of that spinner we got from Pakistan, who doesn’t take any wickets.

"I felt like just standing up and walking out.

"I saw people lining up after the game to greet them ... I won't greet them, I didn't even call them."

The original video of Fikile Mbalula’s lambasting of Bafana is here:

BOLLOCKZ! my innovative football show on www.ballz.co.za airs every Thursday from 9am-11am. See Ballz' channel for our growing library of fascinating football interviews with the big names. 

You can also follow me on www.twitter.com/nealcol for all the latest sports news… and read my “Neal & Pray” column every Tuesday in www.thenewage.co.za.

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Grim Gordon has run out of CHANces: South Africa 1-3 Nigeria leaves the nation in despair

Oh Gord! Igesund promised to attack but went with a loan striker

THERE will not be many bleaker nights for South African football. Defeat against Nigeria in Cape Town on Sunday night was not just disappointing. It was embarrassing.

Before the Group A finale, national head coach Gordon Igesund went to great lengths to tell us what a positive chap he is. Anybody with any knowledge of the man’s previous record would have pricked an ear at these brave words.

Boom! "“Playing for a draw is a dangerous thing for any team to do. You have to go out and play to win.”

Pow! “My philosophy has always been to play to win. But when you start thinking about trying to play for a draw then you are doing the wrong thing and you end up making incorrect decisions.”

Crash! “I cannot compromise my principles which are to win every match – if the other team scores three then you score four. It has worked for me in the past so there is no way I will play defensively to get a result. I believe we are good enough to win the game the way we want to.”

So what did Mr Win-or-bust do before a clash against the jolly green giants which required just a point to ensure qualification from Group A? He picks FIVE midfielders and goes with Bernard Parker up front on his own. Against a side South Africa have NEVER beaten, hadn’t scored against since 2004. Disastrous.

Right from the outset, Igesund had opted to go for the draw. His selection shouted that aloud. And to compound matters, with regular goalkeeper Itumeleng Khune out with an ankle injury, he made the fragile Bloemfontein Celtic centre-back Thabo Nthethe, 29, his captain and dropped impressive young AmaTuks defender Buhle Mkhwanazi, 23, for Kaizer Chiefs Tefu Mashamaite.

It should have been Mkhwanazi and MashaMIGHTY, as we soon found out. And why throw in Langerman for a game of this stature?

Like watching a horror show, everything Igesund had warned us about happened; Nigeria went 2-0 up, a defensive Bafana were forced to throw on the second striker Katlego Mashego in the first half, and all was lost.

Ejike Uzoenyi scored twice and hit the crossbar with a fizzer as he sought the first hat-trick of the CHAN 2014 tounament, Ifeanyi Ede scored the other. And at 3-0, with Mali back on level terms after a surprise early goal from pointless Mozambique in the other Group A clash, South Africa were gone. Another hosted tournament, another disaster.

Only then did Bafana begin to play, with Bernard Parker scoring his 22^nd international goal from the spot. His four-goal haul in three games looks impressive, but in truth three of those were penalties.

And there’s the rub. In truth, South Africa needed a dodgy penalty to get back in the game in their opening 3-1 win against Mozambique. And they had a stonewall penalty for Mali NOT given against them before ANOTHER controversial penalty gave them an undeserved point in game two.

Ultimately, footballing justice prevailed. The best two sides in the group – young, athletic squads from Nigeria and Mali – triumphed over South Africa’s jaded bunch of old professionals promised R80 000 a win plus a further bonus from Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula if they actually won the tournament.

We can debate long and hard about who is to blame for Sunday’s nightmare. Should Orlando Pirates – crushed 2-1 by SuperSport United on Saturday – have made their African Champions League finalists available?

Did the row over player availability (led by Kaizer Chiefs but quietly supported by Bidvest Wits and others) cause pre-tournament problems?

Should Gordon have opted for youngsters after Amajita’s rousing COSAFA Under20 triumph in Lesotho last month?

Will Itumeleng Khune’s ankle, not strong enough for Nigeria, be okay for Kaizer Chiefs top-of-the-table clash against Mamelodi Sundowns on Thursday?

Ah, forget all that. None of it mattered on Sunday. The problem was Igesund. He chopped and changed without reason, without explanation. Moon, Vilakazi, Mokeke, Mkhwanazi and Manqele were in and out, old favourites like Tshabalala, Nthethe and Chabangu were always favoured.

Chabangu and Tshabalala appear unable to play themselves out of contention. And Igesund didn’t even explain his questionable selection after the game, insisting: “We were out-muscled. Nigeria are stronger than us. I’m very disappointed. But it was not to be. It wasn’t our day.”

I think we’ve heard that before, Gordon. Have we really moved forward since that opening game in Brazil? Have we got rid of the habitual losers who have inhabited the green shirt – soon to be sponsored by Nike – for so long?

No. The new broom has not swept. Development is forgotten. Our junior squads are still chaotic. You don't have agreements with PSL coaches, you bark at them. Players are picked for commercial reasons. Our squad continues to head towards an average age of 30 with alarming speed. It’s not good enough. Even with all those excuses. Simply not good enough. In Gord, I'm afraid, I no longer trust.

BOLLOCKZ! my innovative football show on www.ballz.co.za airs every Thursday from 9am-11am. See Ballz' channel for our growing library of fascinating football interviews with the big names. 

You can also follow me on www.twitter.com/nealcol for all the latest sports news… and read my “Neal & Pray” column every Tuesday in www.thenewage.co.za.

BOLLOCKZ! is backed by www.topodds.com - have a look at their site for my latest sports betting advice and charity bets for our Wingzofchange charity!

Gordon Igesund: I want Bafana Bafana to be a machine

At the double: Bernard Parker scored twice at Mbombela

“By the the time the African Cup of Nations starts in January, I want us to be a machine.”

With that exquisite phrase, Gordon Igesund ended the first chapter of football’s Mission Impossible last night. And the verdict on Bafana Bafana’s new era? Even the dimmest doubters must admit South Africa’s much-maligned football team have taken the first tiny steps on a rocky road to recovery.

When he took the job three months ago, Igesund was told he had several improbable tasks to complete: a place in the semi-finals of next year’s AFCON 2013 on home soil, qualification for Brazil 2014 and a return to the top three in African football.

After Pitso Mosimane’s chaotic reign, such targets looked unlikely. Some said impossible. Igesund took one look at the mission statement and said: “I’ll do it.”

And what was he handed as his opening gambit? An away game against five-time World Cup winners Brazil followed by a home game against Mozambique four days later. I remember our first chat after his appointment, Gordon asking me to spell “Maracana” at a The New Age Business Briefing. He hadn’t even been told where his opening game would be played, but he knew he had the toughest of starts, a footballing baptism of fire.

Unfazed, Igesund went to work… and the results of his never-say-never optimism are now available. A gutsy 1-0 defeat against the Brazilians was followed by a clinical 2-0 triumph over neighbours Mozambique.

On paper, that may look average. In truth, Igesund has already accomplished miracles. Remember, they took on an under-pressure Brazil on their biggest national holiday with coach Mano Menezes desperate for a rousing victory.

With Siya Sangweni keeping Neymar quiet and Itumeleng Khune pulling off five good saves, it was left to substitute Hulk to produce the only goal late in the game - but it was Bafana Bafana who took the applause from the 52,000 unhappy Brazilians as the sides went off.

Three days later, Neymar scored a hat-trick as the same Brazilians crushed China 8-0. Yup, eight. If that wasn’t enough to keep the doubters quiet, the people insisting “you can’t celebrate defeat”, then what is? It’s not as if the Chinese haven’t got plenty of people to choose from or enough experience when it comes to building bloody big defensive walls.

Scroll forward to Tuesday night at Mbombela. South Africa, having travelled 7,441km from Sao Paulo, came up against a Mozambique fresh from a 2-0 AFCON win over Morocco a mere 205kms away in Maputo.

Igesund knew he was in for a tough night. But instead of tip-toeing about, he dropped Friday’s man of the match Itumeleng Khune and risked a huge Kaizer Chiefs v Orlando Pirates civil war by putting Moeneeb Josephs in goal. The same larger-than-life Bucaneer who had retired in disgust when Pitso was in charge of Bafana.

And despite having lost Tokelo Rantie, Siyabonga Nomvethe, Steven Pienaar, Edward Manqele, Dino Ndlovu and Benni McCarthy to injury, Igesund stuck with the depleted squad who had endured the flight from Brazil. He declined the offer of reinforcements to keep the mood in the camp buoyant.

And it worked. Though many will question Mozambique’s decision to make eight changes from the side that beat Morocco – including Mamelodi Sundowns’ talismanic Elias Pelembe who scored one and made one in Maputo on Sunday – Bafana barely put a foot wrong.

Bernard Parker, the Kaizer Chiefs striker who opened the season with a four-goal burst against Amazulu, scored one early and one late to ensure a clinical 2-0 victory over the nation’s eastern neighbours.

Suddenly the doubters were silenced. Those who questioned everything Gordon had done – from getting rid of Thomas Madigage’s hat to leaving Teko Modise at home – were left without a leg to stand on.

His decision to select the unknown Dean Furman – an unused sub for Joel Santana’s Bafana against Australia in 2008 – from English Championship club Oldham Athletic proved inspired. Reformed alcoholic Lerato Chabangu, rubbished as a “coach’s favourite” from his days at Moroka Swallows, was magnificent in Sao Paulo and Mbombela.

The surprise decision to make Spurs reject Bongani Khumalo his captain worked like a charm and Ajax Amsterdam’s Thulani Serero once more showed the nation he could become the fulcrum over the coming months.

But Igesund refused to crow about successfully completing the first leg of his Mission Impossible. He said simply: “I didn’t want to mention this before the game, but we had to travel through four time zones for this game. The lads didn’t know whether it was day or night. Our sleeping patterns are all over the place.

“Look, it wasn’t a great performance tonight. We lost possession too often, we wanted more goals, but I have to say I’m satisfied. The bodies were tired, the legs were wobbling. I did a bit of rotation and you can’t fault the attitude. These boys showed true commitment.

“In the end, we did the job. The lads did great after just four days of training together. The camaraderie was good. You saw our set-plays out there. They were non-existent because we haven’t had a chance to practice them!

“But this is just the start. We’ve got Poland next in a friendly. Then I think we’ll play in the Middle East. By the time we get to AFCON in January, I want us to be a machine.

“We still have a long way to go. A hell of a lot of work to be done. But we will only get better.”

Moeneeb Josephs and Benni McCarthy: the facts. If you want the truth, ask Benni

Finders keepers: Khune and Josephs

BENNI McCARTHY has had a hard time this week. Surprising really. Last Saturday his two superb goals – a thumping header and a devastating free-kick – won the ABSA Premier League title for Orlando Pirates at a throbbing Moses Mabhida stadium in Durban.

But just when you thought Benni, who arrived back on these shores last winter after perhaps the most horrific West Ham career in history, was ready to be crowned a hero, here he is, tweeting: “Unbelievable how much stick I’m getting for Moeneeb pulling out of Bafana. Why do people hate so much? Just respect his decision please.”

Well, yes, of course we will respect the international retirement of one Moeneeb Josephs, the Orlando Pirates goalkeeper. In a statement released on Wednesday morning, the 32-year-old from Cape Town proclaimed: “It is with a heavy heart, and after careful consideration and discussion with both my family and manager, that I have elected to retire from international football with immediate effect.”

 “At the age of 32, keeping in mind the injuries that I have sustained, together with my desire to prolong my career, and considering the fantastic young goalkeepers in our country, I believe that it is the correct time to ‘step aside’.

“In addition, I have spent very little time with my family in recent years, and I believe this decision will give me the opportunity to do so.”

It’s that kind of moving, selfless explanation of his shock retirement from Pitso Mosimane’s World Cup qualifying squad which might reduce the average Ghostly Sea Robber to tears.

If… and it’s a big IF… you hadn’t read team-mate McCarthy’s quotes early on the same day.

Remember, Josephs made his Bafana debut against Zimbabwe in 2003 – but he’s only won 22 caps in the last nine years as Itumeleng Khune blocks the path to Pitso’s No1 jersey.

Even when he turned out against the Ivory Coast and Zimbabwe last year when everyone else was pulling out, “Slimkat” found himself dumped for the Nelson Mandela Challenge in Port Elizabeth at the end of February when Kaizer Chiefs stopped Khune returned from injury (not just any injury, he had four months with pneumonia and a “groin strain”) against Senegal.

With those facts clear in our minds, here’s what Benni told the Star’s Jonty Mark as the Buccaneers bus whizzed around Johannesburg showing off the latest Piratical haul of PSL, Telkom Cup and MTN Supereight trophies.

“Moeneeb is my roommate and he was asking me for my input, and I said ‘You are on your own, I don’t want to advise you, make your decision, and whatever you decide I am behind you’. When he explained his reasons the man just broke down crying.

“I tried to put myself in his shoes, and if I was in his shoes I would have done exactly the same thing. If I feel I am doing more than enough to at least earn a chance to be number one, and I am not being selected as the number one striker… I would pull myself out of the race as well.

 “You do everything possible to fight for the number one spot, but you know yourself you are never going to get the number one, because it’s fairly clear it’s Itumeleng Khune.

 “Khune’s a great goalkeeper who’s worked hard but you have to make it open for everyone to fight for the No1. It’s clearly not like that, it’s plain to see that the manager has his ideas of who is the No1, irrespective of other great goalkeepers around.

“So, in an act of frustration, you retire. It is better to continue to do what makes you happy, to play football, club football. I think it’s sad Moeneeb has pulled out of the national team, he’s an absolute gem. I hope people won’t hate him.”

Of course, with Benni’s quotes having appeared on Wednesday morning, the Josephs statement fell flat. It didn't help that "Slimkat" had blundered so badly for the Dylan Sheppard goal in their title-winning 4-2 against Golden Arrows last Saturday.
As a result, the social networks launched various assaults on McCarthy, suggesting he’d “persuaded” Josephs to quit his country, that he should keep his mouth shut and stay out of these things.

Benni, who often let Bafana down during his career in Europe, found himself under huge pressure – so much so that he volunteered to appear on Robert Marawa’s Thursday night live tonight on SS4 to set the record straight.

I’ll add those quotes later. But for now, let’s have a bit of sanity here. Benni didn’t lie. He simply outlined Moeneeb’s difficult situation and the reasons for his international retirement with far more honestly than Josephs’ statement did.

Benni, appearing on Marawa’s Thursday night live, made light his exclusion from Pitso’s latest squad. At 34 he was left out while another striker of the same age – PSL top scorer Siyabonga Nomvethe of Moroka Swallows – enjoyed a recall.

He chose instead to offer this: “Coming from a place like Hanover Park and to go to Ajax Amsterdam, such a great club, that has to be the highlight of my career.”

Then, asked if he influenced Moeneeb’s decision, Benni said: “I can’t even influence my own little kids! How can I influence an adult? Bafana has got nothing to do with me. I don’t talk about that to anyone.

“I’m always there to support. He came to tell me the situation. Moeneeb explained what happened and that was it.

“My advice? Whatever he decides, the team will stick with him. I didn’t say he did the right thing or the wrong thing. That’s not my place.

“He’s one of my closest friends in the team.”

Frank. Honest. Typical of Benni. Look, McCarthy doesn’t deserve criticism for revealing his pal Moeneeb’s agony. He deserves a medal. If you want to know the truth about South African football, listen to Benni. He tells it like it is.