Flushed with success: Maradona prepares for World Cup hot seat

CONTROVERSIAL Argentina coach Diego Maradona will be flushed with success whatever happens at the World Cup in South Africa next month – after having new toilets worth R14,000 (£1,400) installed at Pretoria’s High Performance Centre.

Maradona’s team have also demanded six PlayStations, 10 hot dishes a day, three choices of pudding and a constant supply of ice cream.

Argentina are not the only team making bizarre requests of the bemused South Africans. Brazil are demanding “lots of hot coffee, cookies... but no chocolate” and a swimming pool heated to “exactly 32 degrees”. According to the Johannesburg Sunday Times, the Italians “will be bringing their own pasta”, New Zealand have called for “golf lessons for all players” while Slovakia are after “two table tennis tables and an electronic dartboard.”

Mexico, headed for a luxury venue south of Johannesburg, will bring their own priest to conduct church services in a chapel at the Thaba Ya Batswana lodge.

But as always, Maradona’s bizarre tastes are grabbing the headlines.

The bathroom facilities were good enough for England’s cricket performance squads over Christmas but Maradona demanded “E-Bidet luxury toilets” as he prepares to take the hot-seat after his side struggled to qualify for the tournament.

Maradona has had two rooms knocked together to cater for his “high standards” – sports teams generally pay R3,000-per-night for a room at the HPC.

Maradona’s specialist loos offer a heated seat, a warm air blow-dryer and front and rear bidet “wands”. Available on www.sandman.com, they are described as “the best toilet seats in the world.”

Felix Aguinaga, sent over a fortnight ago to assure all goes smoothly for Argentina said: “We made a special request about the toilet facilities. Otherwise everything is in place.”

The High Performance Centre in the centre of Pretoria is known worldwide for having superb sports facilities at an altitude of nearly 5,000 feet. Nobody has complained about the toilets before.

Colin Stier, boss of the HPC, said: “Bidet toilets are quite hard to get hold of here but we managed to track down a seat which has bidet nozzles, but to make it fit we ended up having to replace the whole bathroom too.”

“Of course we were happy to do it. If it makes Diego more comfortable during his stay then it's worth the effort.”

Maradona and his controversial Argentina squad – which includes Inter Milan’s Champions League-winning hero Diego Milito and Barcelona’s FIFA Player of the Year Lionel Messi, arrive in South Africa on Friday. Brazil will be the first squad in place when they take up residence at the brand new Fairways Hotel in Rand Park on Thursday.

Inter conquer Europe... can Milito conquer the world?

It’s over. Nine months of gestation, indigestion and gesturing. The long-running European season bore its final fruit with Inter Milan carving out an emphatic 2-0 win over Bayern Munich in the first ever Saturday night Champions League showdown. JoseMourinho, you truly are the Special One. Another continental triumph against the odds.

Now, we should concentrate on the World Cup. Not a bad thing given the performance of a certain Diego Milito last night. We may have a new global star in the making.

But before we go, there are many sub-plots to unravel. There they were in Madrid, where Barcelona longed to conquer. A crowd of 75,500 at the Bernebeu to see two coaches who worked together under the late, great Sir Bobby Robson at the CampNou.

Louis van Gaal, the Dutchman who went on to coach Barca, lined up against close friend Jose Mourinho, the former interpreter who crushed the Catalan dream with a stonewall semi-final display – and is reported to be headed to Real Madrid next season.

Aarjen Robben starring for Bayern, Wesley Sneijder the vital goal-maker for Inter – two Dutchmen who could dominate the World Cup for the orange-shirted Netherlands side rated at only 12-1 to win the global event which kicks off in South Africa next month.

And there, at Soccer City where it all starts on June 11, we saw Johannesburg's Wits beat Durban's Amazulu 3-0 in front of the deafening Vuvuzelas yesterday, while just down the road in Soweto’s Super Stadium, rugby was played in the notorious township for the first time. A sell-out crowd of 42,000 saw Pretoria’s Bulls beat the New ZealandCrusaders to reach the Super 14 final without a hitch.

And next week, they return to Soweto – forced out of their home ground at LoftusVersveld by the World Cup – to play Cape Town’s Stormers, who beat Australia’sWaratahs at Newlands last night.

Have we mentioned enough countries? Involved enough rivalries? Exploited enough schisms? Confused? You will be. Just read it slowly.

In the end, the last great milestone of the winter – after Blackpool won the long-awaited right to return to the English Premier League against Welsh hopefuls Cardiff atWembley – was won by Mourinho’s relentlessly miserly approach. His Inter sat back while Bayern probed. Just as they had against Barca’s billionaires.

There was a possible handball in the box as Robben exploited weaknesses down the right, constantly whipping around the back to set up the play against an Inter side who became the first team in the European Cup not to field a single player from the country they represent.

Sub-plot numero infinito. Exactly where does that leave Italy, the holders, in SouthAfrica next month? And Bayern’s German internationals are hardly thrilling their critics before the big one either.

More rivalries, more ironies, more nagging questions than anybody can keep up with.

Suffice to say the great occasion among many big sporting events yesterday failed to capture the imagination for 35 yawning minutes, despite a feverish opening ceremony of dancing Castillian Senoritas which opened the night’s events.

The first half was finally enlivened by a well-taken goal from Argentina’s Diego Milito. Took it well, his 28^th of the season, against the run of play. But of course, he has a story too. Controversial Argentine coach Diego Mardona is said to be thinking of playing creaking veterans like Juan Sebastian Veron – who played for Manchester United eons ago – ahead of Inter’s current Argentine stars. He hasn’t even picked Inter pair Esteban Camibiasso and Javier Zanetti. But he did remember Milito.

Before the goal, Inter had been in deadly defensive Mourinho mode, barring a rifled free-kick from distance from Sneijder.

It was Sneijder who got on the end of their long-ball goal, Milito winning the flick on and taking the return to score with glee past Hans Joerg Butt, the veteran 35-year-old goalkeeper who will probably be Germany’s custodian when they open their World Cup campaign against Australia in Durban.

Butt’s story? Oliver Kahn and Jens Lehmann have retired, Robert Enke committed suicide last year and Rene Adler is injured. Some tale. Some route to becoming your nation’s No1.

Two minutes before half-time, Milito and Sneijder combined again but this time the Dutchman was through, failing to beat Butt’s knee from 12 yards.

The second half saw both goalkeepers – Butt and Inter’s Brazilian No1 Julio Cesar - at full-stretch in the first five minutes and it looked like we were in for a real thriller.

On the Bayern bench Miroslav Klose, who can’t even get in the starting eleven, kicked his heels. He’ll be leading the German line in the Group of Death against the Aussies, Serbia and Ghana. Another sub-plot, number ninety-nein.

In all there were 18 probable World Cup players in evidence. Around 280 million people watching last night. Not to mention 180 photographers and 600 journalists. But we had only one goal to savour.

Is that why “The Special One” was finally discarded by Chelsea’s billionaire owner Roman Abramovich? The Russian wanted to spend his £500m on craft, not graft.

Mourinho, who conquered Europe seven years ago with an otherwise unremarkable Porto, produces results, not masterpieces.

Another Chelsea discard, Robben, kept us on the edge of our seats, as he has throughout Bayern’s Euro run. Christian Chivu, responsible for the earlier handball and booked for his efforts to keep in touch with the Dutchman, simply couldn’t cope withthe man who is clearly more creative than Lionel Messi and his diddy dallying. Europe’s player of the season by a country mile, is Robben.

Cesar’s 65^th minute save from a Robben curler was superb – now we begin to understand why Tottenham’s ever-improving Heurelho Gomes may not see much game time in South Africa.

But ultimately the night belonged to Milito. With 70 minutes on the clock, he turned theBayern defence inside out to wrap things up with a brilliantly taken second. Inter last triumphed at this level in 1966-67. Hardly worth mentioning England last won the World Cup around that time. Or that referee Howard Webb, the only Englishman on the park, had a superb evening.

Game over. Even Maradona can’t ignore a talent like Milito, who has 48 goals in 67 games for Inter. Can he?

Pick your bloodbath: London 2012 or South Africa 2010... read the stats, make up your mind. Feel free to comment

GUN crime in London has risen sharply. There were 429 more offences than the year before - a rise of 14.1 per cent - according to the Metropolitan Police.

According to the London Evening Standard, knife crime has also risen in London, with 266 more crimes in the last financial year, taking the annual tally to 12,611. A total of 117 killings took place in the London – yet this is where the Olympics will be held in 2012.

Yesterday, the Met Police commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson was forced to respond to two recent incidents - Nathan Allen was shot dead in New Cross and 16-year-old Nick Pearton was stabbed to death in a Sydenham park.

He said: “These problems are of an old age. What are the real issues that force young people to choose the wrong family - the gang family rather than the family at home?

"Addressing these social problems is the key. These are jobs for the politicians at local level and the new government. I don't do social engineering, I'm a cop."

Thanks Sir Paul. Very reassuring before London’s greatest sports event in 50 years. Here in South Africa, where local Police Commissioner Bheki Cele is 23 days short of hosting the 2010 World Cup, it’s a different story.

Though the British press – and their international counterparts – have been quick to predict “a bloodbath” for fans in a Rainbow Nation still trying to right the wrongs of post-Apartheid, post-colonial South Africa, the feeling is a lot more positive.

General Cele told me as we talked in Durban’s magnificent new Moses Mabhida Stadium last week: “Everything is in place for a peaceful World Cup. We will do all we can to assure the safety of fans visiting South Africa. And I know all about your England football fans and what they are capable of.”

Cele is a big, tough-looking bloke. But he has a sparkle in his eye. That’s probably because his much-maligned nation offers statistics to back up his argument. As the red tops in London warn England’s WAGs to stay home and instil fear in every football fan, I can provide this from Johan Burger, senior researcher in the crime and justice programme at South Africa's Institute for Security Studies.

He told the BBC this week: "Contrary to what many people think, the murder rate, while still extremely high, is down by about 44% since 1995. That's a huge decrease.

“What is important to understand about our high crime rate is that we know from research that approximately 80% of our murders happen within a very specific social context, mostly between people that know one another."

Given that South Africa’s newspapers are unlikely to call for a boycott of London 2012 given the rise in violent crime, perhaps it’s time to give South Africa a break. Perhaps the British tabloids should give the 2010 World Cup a little positive push as the days tick down to the big kick-off on June 11.

They won’t of course. It doesn’t sell newspapers. But they should. I’ve been in South Africa for three weeks and yet to be greeted with anything less than a smile walking the streets of Johannesburg and Durban. I was the only white guy watching Amazulu play Sundowns in the big semi-final at the ABSA Stadium last Saturday. I didn’t even have a Vuvuzela to defend myself with.

But all I got was smiles. Everywhere I go, I fail to witness bloodbaths. I have hardly been mugged at all. The only crime stories are fourth-hand tales from embittered white folk of a certain age who long for the bad old days of Apartheid.

Let’s finish with this: “It is clear that the biggest concern here is safety and violence, and we are doing everything we can in this area to see a reduction." That quote comes from London’s police commissioner, not South Africa’s.

England to win the World Cup. It's official. The bankers have spoken

England will finally win the World Cup after 44 years of hurt if City boffins at JP Morgan are right.

European champions Spain will lose to Fabio Capello's men in the final, with the Netherlands winning the third place play-off, according to quantitative analysts Matthew Burgess and Marco Dion, who issued their findings on Tuesday ahead of the big kick-off at Soccer City on June 11.
They predict top ranked Brazil will fall short in South Africa because they have a tougher route through to the final than their main rivals.
The quantitative analysts at JP Morgan used information such as FIFA ranking, historical results and its JP Morgan Team Strength Indicator to come up with a mathematical model to predict match results, they explained.
However, they warned "this report should be taken with a pinch of salt" and that it is an exercise to "lightheartedly explain quantitative techniques and demystify the typical framework".

They added: "Having developed a rather successful Quant Model over the years, we intend to introduce it to our readers and also use its methodology to apply it to a fruitful field for statistics: Football and the World Cup."
The analysts usually use the same mathematical equations to help predict stock market winners with millions of dollars hanging on their calculations. In the latest official FIFA rankings, England are in eighth position and Spain are second.

Bryan Robson, the first Englishman to hear the din, confesses: The Vuvuzela could win the World Cup for South Africa!

Bryan Robson became the first Eanglishman to face the dreaded Vuvuzela in Nelspruit on Sunday — and believes it may be a real problem for the other 31 nations at next month’s World Cup.

The former England skipper, now manager of Thailand, saw his side crushed 4-0 by South Africa in a pre-World Cup friendly dominated by the continual blast of the plastic football bugle, based on a traditional African antelope horn.

When the Vuvuzela drowned out commentary during last year’s Confederations Cup in South Africa, there were calls for a blanket ban — but FIFA took no action. Local fans are addicted to the instrument, and an orchestra of tuneless Vuvuzelas has been set up in Cape Town by a distinguished music professor.

“The other coaches are definitely going to have to inform their players beforehand that they will have to communicate effectively with each other on the field," Robson said of the erm...unique atmosphere.

"It's very difficult to get any message to the players from the bench - coaches are going to have to make that known to their players," said Robson.

The Vuvuzela debate will continue right through to the final.

"If the atmosphere is like that in the World Cup, it will raise the level of the players a little bit. If the supporters are behind them like that, it will be a big boost,” Robson added.

South Africa can be pleased with their latest World Cup warm-up, watched by a capacity 42,000 crowd at the Mbombela Stadium, which has concrete pylons shaped like giraffe's legs. At 90th, they are the lowest ranked hosts in World Cup history and there are fears they could be the first host nation not to qualify for the knock-out phase. They share Group A with Mexico and former winners Uruguay and France.

Thailand are listed at a lowly 105th in the latest FIFA rankings, but Bafana Bafana (The Boys, The Boys) triumphed without their three high profile stars. West Ham striker Benni McCarthy was left on the bench by Brazilian boss Carlos Parreira Alberto, who says he lacks fitness. Aaron Mokoena, who did a fair job at centre-back for Portsmouth in the FA Cup final defeat against Chelsea on Saturday, and Everton’s player of the year Steven Pienaar have yet to join up with the squad.

Parreira is preparing to lead a record fifth side in Africa’s first World Cup.

“I don’t care about the quality of the opponents, this was a big improvement. Results build confidence, the players looked more comfortable on the ball. We still need more penetration, but I feel it is coming,” said Parreira.

South Africa have friendlies against Bulgaria, Colombia and Group E qualifiers Denmark before they open their Group A campaign against Mexico with the big kick-off at Soccer City on June 11.

“We now have stronger opponents coming and they will give us a more physical challenge. We are in the final build-up phase but this is a good start,” said Parreira, who won the World Cup with Brazil in 1994.

South Africans, generally downbeat about their prospects, are beginning to change their view.

“ If 30,000 Vuvuzelas can make such a racket in Nelspruit, what will 90,000 be able to do at Soccer City? They could be a huge advantage. It could make a difference," Robson pointed out.

This journalist has attended three local games in South Africa in the past fortnight and come away with ears ringing as the din of the Vuvuzelas — which range from four feet to three inches in length — fills the stadium.

I've put together these videos:

The world’s smallest Vuvuzela: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLY7VWg1YhI

How to play the Vuvuzela (badly): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDYPwYGlnmw

South Africa’s secret weapon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0i2w0QPVTBE

For Ordinary Joe, this World Cup may be spent in FIFAland, not South Africa

Dumela is 28. He wears dreadlocks, never stops moving, and provides instant beer with a smile at the Keg & Spear pub next to the sparkling new Moses Mabhida Stadium.

You’d expect this father of four from KwaMashu to be looking forward to the World Cup and the crowds of foreign tourists arriving to eat, drink and be merrily tipping waiters next month. He isn’t. FIFA have decreed that the Keg & Spear, doing a roaring trade before the Sharks beat the Force at the neighbouring ABSA Stadium on Friday night, will be closed from this weekend – until after the World Cup finishes on July 14.

Dumela’s not keen on a picture being taken. Or on giving his full name. He’s hoping, desperately, that he will find a job in the Fan Zone during the World Cup, selling licensed FIFA beers and trinkets in the tent village soon to emerge on the concourse outside the Keg.

Otherwise he will earn nothing during Durban’s high profile hosting of the greatest footballing event on earth.

“Seven weeks out of work, I can’t do that,” he told me, “FIFA say we are not one of their licensed outlets, so we must close. But this pub is in a perfect place for the World Cup. I have applied to FIFA but I’ve heard nothing. I have my family to think of.”

Dumela is not alone. When City Manager Andy Sutcliffe signed Durban’s contract with FIFA in 2006, he might not have full appreciated the powers he was giving away. Until the middle of July, EThekwini may feel like a colony of FIFAland rather than a municipality in South Africa.

The local vendors around the two magnificent stadiums (Durban is a future Olympic venue if ever I saw one) are in the same boat as the 30 staff at the Keg. Unlicensed, they have been told to pay R25,000 or leave the vicinity during the five World Cup qualifiers and two knock-out matches at the Moses Mabhida.

Sipho Nkwane (I hope I got his name right) sells anything from shirts to sweat bands in team colours every week when Amazulu are playing, as they were in the rain on Friday night against Sundowns. He too faces a bleak World Cup: “My stuff is not licensed by FIFA. I have some cheap South Africa shirts and flags, but I will not be allowed to sell them during the tournament.”

And the sky car and bungee jumping at the Moses Mabhida, so popular since they opened last November, must also close until after the tournament. The lady selling tickets there on Friday night told me: “It’s such a shame. Only FIFA people can use these facilities now. And it would be so good to run the Sky Car for visitors during the World Cup.”

Local taxi drivers have been put through the mill too. They have been forced to get “World Cup roadworthy certificates” from the local transport authority before they get their “FIFA accredited” sticker. Their cars must be dent-free with no rips in the seats. Immaculate taxis only for FIFA. But they are likely to be kept two kilometres away from the ground in a FIFA-stipulated exclusion zone.

Joe, my driver in a splendid cap after Amazulu’s extra ordinary penalty shoot-out win over Sundowns on Saturday night, said: “We really don’t know how it’s going to work. Nobody has really explained. But I think FIFA have the power to shut any of the roads. There are people talking of a taxi strike, we are all worried.”

The general perception, speaking to those hundreds of working class folk who make their lives from fans and tourists around what I once knew as Kings Park, is pretty bleak. For a city about to welcome a huge influx of tourists, the shocking question is: “How are we going to survive for the next seven weeks?”

For Dumela, Sipho and Joe, as an experienced journalist who has travelled the world covering World Cups and Olympics from Sydney to Athens, I can offer no answer other than a couple of British pounds as a tip. Pathetic. But at least they get to glimpse a foreign tourist before the big kick-off.

When the situation was put to FIFA General Secretary Jerome Valcke at the recent Media Face Off at the Moses Mabhida - part of the huge Indaba 2010 conference – he quickly ruled out compromise.

The otherwise smooth Frenchman said simply: “This is the way we operate. Not all of our tournaments are commercial. We have to protect our licensed products, our sponsors, our reputation. I’m sorry, that’s how it is.

“People don't understand that, for FIFA, the World Cup is the only way to finance all that we are doing. We must protect the World Cup and people thought that we were bullying people or were policing the system.”

It’s not as if there won’t be enough people about. Valcke dreamily assured us tickets for all matches at the Moses Mabhida were “95 percent sold”. With 13,000 temporary seats added to the 56,000 permanent places in the arched edifice, there will be nearly 70,000 attending the seven games. I make that nearly half a million people heading to the ground in the space of a month.

But Valcke, who admitted he had learned lessons from South Africa to take to Brazil in four years time, insisted: “The situation will not change.”

With angry street vendors around Ellis Park and Soccer City quoted over the weekend quoted as saying “We shall make the World Cup unmanageable if they ban us,” that’s an answer Mr Valcke may live to regret – especially with FIFA (a non-profit making organisation) announcing this week they made a $196m surplus in 2009 with revenue up to a record $1.06 billion.

Aaron Mokoena relishes his role as the battling underdog as the World Cup looms large

SOUTH AFRICA captain Aaron Mokoena left Wembley on Saturday night beaten but not broken, wearing a t-shirt saying “Thank you Pompey”. Fans on the south coast of England may consider reciprocating with tops emblazoned with “Thank you Mbazo”. Earlier he sported the Nike effort you can see on the right.

Having seen his penniless Portsmouth come within a missed penalty of shocking Chelsea’s millionaires, the 29-year-old "Axe" now prepares to engineer an even bigger upset. Helping his baffling Bafana Bafana – 80^th in the latest FIFA rankings – emerge from Group A against Mexico, Uruguay and France.

As he contemplates a move to a club which can actually afford to pay their players,Mokoena is already turning his mind to the big kick-off at Soccer City on June 11. After a 1-0 defeat which saw penalties missed at both ends, Mokoena said: “There are a lot of similarities between that FA Cup final and the World Cup for me. People never thought Portsmouth would even get to the final because of all the things happening at the club.

"We all know that a few players will leave because of the club's problems and the fact that a lot of players are on loan. Next season will be totally different and at the moment I don't know what the future holds.

"Most people wrote us off, but we showed the character that we have in our dressing room. The pride will remain. We feel so proud because we gave it our all."

And of course, giving his all is what Mokoena does so well. An early block denied Nicolas Anelka a clear shot on goal, a double block on the half-hour saved the courageous goalkeeper David James and generally the former Blackburn defender enhanced his market value – though he committed the “foul” which provided the free-kick for Didier "The Diver" Drogba’s only goal.

But the boy from Boipatong takes it all on the chin. Looking ahead to his next monumental task – the odds on South Africa progressing from Group A area about the same as you could get on Pompey winning on Saturday – he said: "I think it's good to be underdogs. I said before the Confederations Cup (last summer) not to write SouthAfrica off and we surprised people then.

"I'm going to say exactly the same thing again. Don't write off Bafana Bafana before we've even kicked a ball. The important thing is that there is nothing impossible in life. Do you want to take the easy way out or do you really want to fight it through?"

Mokoena will arrive in South Africa too late to join Bafana Bafana for today's friendly against Bryan Robson's Thailand in Nelspruit. But his presence in the backline, judging from this FA Cup performances, can only improve South Africa's chances.