SIMPLY NDORABLE: How Tendai finally grabbed his chance with a Soweto Derby double

THE THREE-HOUR HAIRCUT: Tendai
Ndoro shows off the style... and the Man
of the match Nedbank Green Jacket

TENDAI NDORO. Talk of the town. Two goals to win Saturday's Soweto Derby. Did it come as a surprise? Hope not, I've been talking about him for months.

Right at the start of the season, when the 27-year-old Zimbabwean striker appeared in Orlando Pirates gear for the first time, you could see the exuberance in the man from Harare, his natural knack of challenging defenders, finding the target.

It wasn’t surprising. Ndoro scored seven for Mpumalanga’s Black Aces in his first six months in 2014, I remember one night wishing out loud on Twitter that he would somehow stumble across a South African passport and help solve the Bafana Bafana striker crisis.

When Mamelodi Sundowns and Pirates showed interest, Tendai - full name Takudzwa - might have been bewildered by his agent claiming English Premier League club Crystal Palace were interested. But he really did look that good.

A deal with Pirates finally emerged at the start of the season - Aces claimed he had another year to run on his contract but he found himself training with the Buccaneers by the time the season got underway.

Yet Ndoro found himself low down in the pecking order under Eric Tinkler. For months he watched as Kermit Erasmus, Thami Gabuza and Lehlohonolo Majoro took their places up front with varying levels of mediocrity.

At the time, with Pirates struggling in the lower half of the PSL, Ndoro said: “Talking about leaving Pirates in search of game time is something that is not in my vocabulary.” But you knew, in your heart, it wasn’t right.

I mentioned Ndoro’s life in limbo several times on Twitter. Nobody said much. But when Erasmus, claiming he was off to see the in-laws in Holland, signed for Rennes in France, Ndoro finally found himself taking a quick-step up the ladder.

Tinkler had little choice but to pick him as Gabuza self-destructed in front of goal and suddenly the cushion was discarded for the scoring boots. The games - and the goals - began to flow.

In the build-up to the Nedbank Cup Soweto Derby clash on Saturday, many were debating who should start up front. I said Ndoro was the obvious choice, though many felt Gabuza and Majoro were more likely.

Then God - the beardy guy who sometimes still brings out the old leather football boots - took a hand. Majoro did his hamstring in training and Ndoro secured his place.

He had a half-chance early on, then Kaizer Chiefs took over and hope began to fade. For 77 minutes, we suffered out way through the usual Soweto Derby boredom with an unusually sparse crowd.

Until the 77th minute. Mpho Makola put through a lovely ball which split the AmaKhosi’s makeshift defence. Good ball, but bouncing awkwardly. Ndoro brought it down in an instant, and to general hysteria, lashed the first goal past Reyaad Pieterse.

Five minutes later, he was at it again, banging in a laid-off free-kick low past Pieterse, bouncing in to the far corner. GAME OVER, though Ndoro produced a final curling shot just beyond the angle as he chased the fabled Soweto Derby hat-trick.

Afterwards, crowned Man of the Match with a hair-style he admits takes three hours to compose, Ndoro oozed: “That was my first Soweto Derby and I got two goals. That’s something you have to admire! I want to continue doing that, and not just in the derbies.

“Second half we wanted that one goal and we got it. That goal boosted us and helped us to get another one. I was pleased with it. Control, shoot, score.”

Tinkler explained Ndoro’s long-term exclusion by saying: “Tendai’s work-rate needed to increase. We’re a team in which everybody needs to work, and we can see he is doing that now.”

Then: “The way he expresses himself is important. We know Tendai has great ability in front of goal, when he gets the opportunity he must shoot because we know that nine out of 10 times he will hit the back of the net.”

Which rather begs the question: why didn’t we see more of him earlier in the season?

PROUD TO BE MR MASHABA'S MONKEY: Why BafanaBafana need more guerrillas, less yes men

MONKEY BUSINESS: BafanaBafana coach Shakes Mashaba

TODAY I am a monkey. A footballing guerrilla. One who sits on the back of our national coach, awaiting eviction. This is my tail.

As South Africa basks in the glory of a come-from-behind 3-1 win over Angola, Ephraim "Shakes" Mashaba did the talking for himself this weekend rather than relying on a series of questions from his son, as he did during a run of eight competitive defeats in charge of BafanaBafana.

To recap: There was the epic 2-2 draw in Nigeria, followed by three failures at AFCON 2015, then COSAFA penalty shoot-out defeats on home soil against Botswana and Malawi, followed by 0-0 against Gambia and 1-3 in Mauritania to kick-off AFCON 2017 qualifying. Tough times, by any standards.

There’s almost no point in mentioning CHAN, the competition for home-based players, where we crashed out to Angola last month, despite an away win in the second leg.

Clearly though, nothing is going to change. Selection will be eccentric, team talks will be confusing, flights to and from Bafana games will continue to be chaotic with barely an independent journalist making the trip to tell us what's really going on.

With SAFA president Danny Jordaan ruling Port Elizabeth and Technical Director Neil Tovey limiting his involvement to critical television performances, I decided to change tack.

I spent last week in #shakysupport mode (though I could never quite get it trending on twitter) despite the inexplicable absence of Kermit Erasmus and Keagan Dolly on the trip to Benguela and the inclusion of four injured players.

I stuck to #shakysupport even when Brilliant Khuzwayo refused to replace Itumeleng Khune in the squad (the Sunday Sun suggests he was partying in Umlazi rather than attending to family matters, but that’s another story) and wished Wayne Sandilands well when he was called up as the third goalkeeper.

When Jackson Mabokgwane of Mpumalanga Black Aces was named as captain, again, a public pat on the back. When Andile Jali got sent off after scoring from the penalty spot, there was no need to slam the man. Job done. The Moses Mabhida Stadium on Tuesday night should be one long celebration, Angola need a 3-0 win and they’re NOT going to get it.

No need for monkey business. So here’s what Ephraim Mashaba said when Bafana returned (on the same flight, remarkably) from Angola to the Maharani Hotel in Durban on Sunday: “I want those monkeys to sit on my back and I don't want them to jump off, please.

“The weight that they’re putting on me, it keeps me on my toes, because I'm also saying 'I've got to feed them, these monkeys' and how do I feed them? I deliver, that's all. Feed them by delivering.”

And of course, he’s right. No national coach deserves to escape criticism. Early on in his reign, the Sunday Times Sports Editor Dr BBK Shortarse claimed Mashaba was under scrutiny because of his “levels of melanin”. He has since been nominated for journalist of the year.

Mashaba did the same, claiming he is discriminated against because of his skin colour. Utter bunkum of course. Gordon Igesund has low melanin levels but got so tired of this monkey he tried to sue.

Truth is, like Gord and Pitso before him, Shaky DOES need monkeys on his back. His ability as a coach is completely unproven at any level, his tactical acumen is a little old-fashioned. His substitutions are eccentric, his eagerness to rotate captains and goalkeepers is legend. Clearly Tovey’s appointment, months later than Jordaan promised, has had no impact.

But hey, we beat Angola, and we’ll probably beat them again on Tuesday night. But hold on, Mr Mashaba, the monkeys won’t be going anywhere. Next up? The group stages of the 2018 World Cup. And because we have the disadvantage of being a CAF nation, only the winners go through from the five groups of four. At least, unlike 2014, there will be no play-off against a seeded group winner to follow.

The road to Russia 2018 is a long one, a cold one... especially for Africa, where only FIVE out of 54 nations can qualify.

So too is the road to AFCON 2017 in Gabon, where one point from two games leaves Bafana needing to beat Cameroon TWICE to stand any chance of topping the group.

Braver primates will continue to plague Mashaba, even after this fantastic win in Angola. The yes men, and there are plenty of them, will say he’s evolved beyond gorilla warfare.

Me? I’ll just carry on pointing out the rights and wrongs, with a minimum of gibberish. That’s the job. Right on the monkey.

SOWETO DERBY: Tinkler reprieved... Komphela falls in to the Bobby trap

CHIEF CONCERN: Eric Tinkler joins in the Pirates celebrations on Saturday

JUST when you thought it was safe to write off South Africa’s greatest footballing rivalry, along comes a clash like Saturday’s fascinating four-goal affair at Soccer City.

The re-christened FNB Stadium wasn’t quite packed to the rafters, the hype wasn’t really there, Halloween made Kaizer Chiefs look like pumpkins and the first 20 minutes were, frankly, drivel.

But once Siya Sangweni had crushed stand-in centre-back Ivan Bukenya to pressure Itumeleng Khune in to a parry, Issa “Super” Sarr snapped up the rebound and the Soweto Derby finally had meaning again.

For Eric Tinkler, who works without a contract like the eternal caretaker, Tower Mathoho’s equaliser must have been like a dagger to the heart. A free header, his experienced defenders caught napping, 1-1 and all that hard work undone.

But there was no doubt who was dominant. Before the game, few game Tinkler’s men any chance against Chiefs, who would have gone top of the PSL for a couple of hours with a win. But they were dreadful on Saturday.

Despite inspiring the Buccaneers to the CAF Confederations Cup final with a win over might Al Ahly of Egypt, Tinkler has never had the whole-hearted support of the Ghost, even on Halloween.

Before the game, the nuggety midfielder who carved out a name for himself at the top level in Europe - which is more than any Bafana Bafana player can say these days - admitted he was under huge pressure.

With Screamer Tshabalala screaming and chairman Irvin Khoza apparently not interested, Tinkler couldn’t even find a willing volunteer for the captain’s armband after another morale sapping defeat against “sister club” Golden Arrows in midweek.

But somehow, even after Tower’s towering equaliser, Pirates fought their way back. As I said on radio and the social networks in the build-up, the Sea Robbers have become “big game hunters” in an endless season complicated by their continental crusade.

With only one win in their previous seven domestically, it was Ayanda Gcaba, once a promising rugby player, who rose to make it 2-1. And after fabulous work from Kermit Erasmus, Thami Gabuza was on hand to score the third and kill the game.

Tinkler, who had failed in both his previous efforts to usurp his arch-rivals, grinned afterwards: “For me, this was expected. I know what these lads can produce, and they’ve done it today. I’m very, very proud of them.

“Our tactical strategy worked fantastically well. There’s not a single player I can point at that didn't put in a solid performance.

“It's great to get a 3-1 win against Chiefs, but the truth of the matter is that we now need to turn our focus towards Ajax Cape Town, our next game.”

He’s right of course. Pirates aren’t out of trouble yet. They need to be contenders before the fans will stop their #tinklerout campaign. But at least they moved ahead of Gordon Igesund’s SuperSport United, which proves a point of some kind.

Suddenly the spotlight is on Steve Komphela, whose record against Pirates now reads played 12, won 2, drawn 2, lost 8. I said when Bobby Motaung dismantled his record-breaking championship machine last season, the urbane Komphela would be under too much pressure.

The loss of coach Stuart Baxter is not as serious as the shocking failure to give Tefu Mashamaite, last season’s PSL player of the year, a new contract. To play Bukenya, the ageless Ugandan midfielder, at centre-back, is to invite trouble. Quite what’s happened to Siyanda Xulu, who is now the best paid player in the PSL, nobody knows. An old injury? Back in training? But not ready for the derby? Curious.

And then there’s the other title winner they kicked out. Mandla Masango. Like MashaMIGHTY, he was forced to find a job in Scandinavia after Bobby and Chiefs refused him the pay rise he thought he deserved.

For those who have forgotten so quickly, Masango was the AmaKhosi’s top scorer in that title triumph last season. His ability to nick valuable goals from midfield is lost, George Lebese has been a capable stand-in but he appears to be carrying an injury of late.

All of which leaves Komphela, for all his flowery post-match interviews, in a bit of a hole. Instead of going top, they fall away and are lucky Bidvest Wits failed to win a couple of hours after the Soweto derby to extend their advantage with a game in hand.

Komphela blustered: “Pirates were a yard ahead of us. Each time we got the ball we lost it, and they were faster.

““We just need to go back and re-think what happened today. We lost it, we have to respond and congratulations to them.”

Not quite what the AmaKhosi wanted to hear as the Chiefs unbeaten record went up in smoke. But before the vast ranks of gold-and-black clad fans turn on Komphela, remember this: It was the “football manager” Bobby Motaung who opted to dismantle the championship squad. As I said at the time: there is only one man to blame.


Also worth a read on this issue:

How Khune was nearly Bobby trapped too: http://neal-collins.blogspot.co.za/2015/07/the-bubble-burst-where-it-all-went.html

Why Baxter REALLY left Kaizer Chiefs: http://neal-collins.blogspot.co.za/2015/05/stuart-baxter-exclusive-best-season-of.html

HANDS OFF TINKLER! Orlando Pirates produce a tactical master class in Egypt. And that's FINAL

The eternal caretaker: Eric Tinkler

RARELY has a successful continental campaign been so roundly condemned. Orlando Pirates astonishing trip to the CAF Confederations Cup final has confounded the Buccaneers’ one-eyed fans and stunned the media critics.

For months, the Ghost have haunted Eric Tinkler, the fall guy in a soap opera that has featured Roger de Sa and Vladimir Vermezovic over a torrid two year spell.

Ever since Irvin Khoza got rid of Ruud Krol just as he produced the first treble for Pirates, the Orlando giants have been weaving about all over the place.

Sure, Julio Leal and Augusto Palacios went on to claim a second treble (with a bit of help from one Benni McCarthy), then along came De Sa to engineer a run to the Champions League final which ended, as things normally do, in Egypt.

But Roger was never loved. He decamped to Cape Town and his assistant Tinkler played second fiddle to VV, the man who leaves players and fans in tears from Baragwanath to Belgrade.

When Khoza finally accepted the inevitable, Vlad the Sad was sent home and Tinkler took over as the eternal caretaker.

He pulled them out of the mire domestically and somehow managed to secure the Sea Robbers a place on the ship marked: Confederations Cup qualifiers.

And all winter, Tinkler has had to drag his weary men through the endless rounds of African football, with detoured flights and strange hotels, dusty training pitches and angry foreign crowds.

But against all the odds, Eric pushed in to the group stages and trailed Zamalek in to the semi-finals, a brand new innovation for the Confed Cup this season.

Now 45, Tinkler was a nuggety midfielder in the English top flight with Barnsley in his day. Unlike many South African coaches (and media analysts), he’s been there and played in Europe. While he struggled to produce results in the PSL, the African crusade went on…and on.

And so to the semi-final second leg at Suez on Sunday night. With Zamalek going out to Tunisia’s Etoile du Sahel on Saturday, Al Ahly appeared to ignore the restrictions on the crowd and a lot more than the expected 2000 squeezed in to offer their support.

On the social networks, Tinkler was a dead man. A difficult first half had Pirates fans calling for his head. But hold on, said I, this is the plan. Even at 1-0 down, it was no disaster when half-time came.

I said he’d bring on Kermit Erasmus after 10mins and Tinkler did just that. Even though Al Ahly had scored a second goal, it didn’t matter. The crucial away goal on top of the 1-0 first leg win at Orlando meant that, when Erasmus scored his cracker not long after coming on, Pirates were in front.

And Al Ahly began to panic. They threw everything forward, trying to add to Malick Evouna’s brace. But it was Pirates who struck. Thami Gabuza’s deflected effort just about finished them off. Roving full-back Thabo Matlaba added a third.

And when Al Ahly scored their third, Thabo Rakhale, another shrewd Tinkler sub, popped up to make it 4-3 on the night, 5-3 on aggregate. Time up. 

When did ANY club score FOUR in Egypt? With Mamelodi Sundowns and Kaizer Chiefs going out before the Group Stages in the African Champions League, this wasn’t just a tactical master-class from Tinkler, it was a BLOODY MIRACLE.

And suddenly the social networks were as quiet as Al Ahly’s “banned” fans. Sir Eric Tinkler, take a bow. The critics are well and truly confounded. Jaust glad I was never one of them!

Goalless and distinctly Shaky: we can't blame Mashaba for missed chances but for everything else: AAAAAARGH!

LAUGHABLE: Mashaba and Jordaan

THE smallest nation on the African continent? Gambia. Even smaller than Swaziland. Population? Under two million. They don’t even have a professional football league at home.

But somehow South Africa’s 55 million must live with the frustration of another goalless draw at the Moses Mabhida Stadium on Saturday against the side currently ranked 160 in the world.

And all this after those appalling 0-0 draws with Botswana and Malawi at the COSAFA Cup, which BOTH ended in penalty shoot-out defeats. Guess who was hosting that one. Three home games, no goals. Urgh.

And before that? One point at AFCON 2015 after an impressive qualifying campaign under Ephraim “Shakes” Mashaba. We haven’t scored since the first half of our last game in Equatorial Guinea, where South Africa left with the equal-poorest record in the tournament.

Some insect species have lived an etire life-time, born, married, had kids and taken a pension since South Africa last won a competitive football match under the guidance of the man who insisted we would win AFCON 2015 and might still win the World Cup in 2018. Bollocks of course.

Sadly, in his lucid moments, the man now known as Shaky is also forced to repeat the same dull mantra tried endlessly by his predecessors. “We should have scored three or four in the last 15 minutes. If we’d done that, we’d be talking something different after the game.”

Yes Shaky, you’re right. But we’ve been saying that for years now. Mashaba goes a step further: “It’s not just a national team problem, it’s a South African problem, no team in the country scores goals.”

That’s simply not true. We cannot blame Mashaba for the glaring misses from Thabo Matlaba and Thuso Phala on Saturday, but we CAN ask about his selection policy.

After taking a look at the PSL’s top scorers Moeketsi Sekola (Free State Stars, 14), Lerato Lamola (Bloemfontein Celtic, 13) and Puleng Tlolane (Polokwane City, 11) and NFD goal-getter Phumelela Bhengu (22 for Thanda Royal Zulu), Shaky went in to the opening AFCON 2017 qualifier with a whole new forward line.

Inexplicably, Bonginkosi Ntuli, Vuyisile Wana and Gift Motupa were suddenly elevated to stardom, alongside Tokelo Rantie, who got married last Saturday.

Predictably, Rantie – who played 128 minutes in TOTAL for promoted Bournemouth last season, never turned up. The honeymoon was clearly too good to cut short. Kermit Erasmus, with 15 goals in all competitions for Orlando Pirates this season, went public on twitter to tell us he wasn’t a back up player. And he was on holiday in Holland.

So Mashaba plumped for Thamsanqa Gabuza, who scored three times for Pirates in the Confederations Cup against some outfit from Gabon after the season closed. During the actual PSL season, Gabuza failed to score a league goal while Erasmus and Lehlohonolo Major netted 18 between them.

And when it came to match day, Mashaba promptly ignored the other strikers chosen in the squad and plumped for Gabuza.

It makes no sense to do that. It de-motivates the players picked for the original 23 and leads mischievous journalists to believe some players are only slipped in to the squad to please certain agents.

It’s not just up front that Mashaba dithers. It's all over the field; often he calls up players who haven't even been playing regularly for their clubs, often on the advice of a friendly agent. Oh, and he likes to rotate goalkeepers and captaincy too, insisting: "What does a captain do anyway except toss the coin at the start of the game?"

Just look at the lack of leadership on Saturday, the lack of drive, urgency. But it's more. His substitutions on Saturday, as Gambia ran out of steam in their first competititive match since being banned for U20 age cheating in 2014, were laughable.

He whipped off Gabuza, the only real striker, and shoved on Thuso Phala, who promptly put a glorious chance straight in to the arms of the Gambian goalkeeper from six yards.

In the end, man of the match Thabo Matlaba had the best chances from left back, one well saved, the other fluffed high in to the Durban night sky.

Shaky says international selection has to be about consistency and form. But he leaves FC Twente’s Kamohelo Mokotjo – picked as the central midfielder in the Dutch Ere Divisie’s team of the season – at home, while picking Ayanda Patosi and the “banned” May Mahlangu.

It’s inexplicable. It’s obvious. This is a man who laughs off preparation, insisting he doesn't like spying on future opponents. This is a man who admits he's a motivator, not a tactician. A shouter not a thinker. 

But I've said all this and nobody listened. And the truth is, we have to give Shakes some breaks. SAFA are far too busy with the current FIFA allegations to deal with another Bafana Bafana coaching change. And Dean Furman, Tower Mathoho, Tefu Mashamaite and Rantie made last week pretty difficult.

We keep the faith. Group M has a long way to go. Cameroon and Mauritania will be touge than Gambia. The friendly against Angola could be disastrous. Yet we must believe in our coach and his unusual, often eccentric methods.

But please, Shaky… just this once. Let’s pick our strongest players FROM THE START.