The World Cup that refuses to conform: an enthralling first round leaves a football-speaking globe breathless

SUPER SUB: Belgium's Marouane Fellaini scored against Algeria

There’s something wrong with this World Cup. We’re supposed to be in the tentative early stages of the greatest footballing show on earth – and nobody’s paying ANY attention to history.

Traditionally, even in the old days of 16 teams in the finals, the first game of the group phase is a cautious event. Neither side wants to lose for fear of being ruled out of contention after 90 minutes. The first round ended with Russia v South Korea the 16^th and final game – and we are confounded.

This has been a World Cup of supersubs coming on to save their nation, come-from-behind triumphs and attack-at-all-costs. It’s NORMAL for side who have gone behind to be content with a point when they snatch an equaliser.

But not in Brazil this time.  Those awful 0-0 draws are few and far between. The 1-0 stale-mate has become a fascinating temptation for the chasing team. The stand-out examples of this exciting footballing revolution were the shocking triumphs registered by the Netherlands and Costa Rica – and even Africa's top-ranked Algeria against fashionable Belgium.

A dodgy penalty saw the Dutch go behind against World Cup holders Spain… and when Robin van Persie produced a stunning lobbed dive-header over Iker Casillas to equalise, you might have thought that was that when we got to half-time at 1-1.

Goal of the tournament? Van Persie's header v Spain

But not this time. The Netherlands, beaten 1-0 by Spain’s tika-taka troops in the 2010 final in Soccer City four years ago, were having none of that “what we have we hold” nonsense.

Van Persie and Aarjen Robben simply continued to torment the Spainful champions. A team that had conceded just three goals in winning their last two major tournaments found themselves 2-1 down. Then three, four, five… and it might have been six.

Casillas took a lot of the blame, he blundered on one cross for the third, came out too early on the fourth. But to blame one man – a goalkeeper accustomed to the bench at Real Madrid too often over the last two seasons – would be churlish.

We had barely got over the shock of that epic 5-1 defeat at Costa Rica were at it. Ranked lower than Bafana Bafana just a year ago, we knew they weren’t a pushover for Uruguay, who required a play-off against Jordan to reach the finals.

But when the former two-time World Cup winners, playing on their own continent, went ahead, everyone assumed Uruguay would be at of the Latin American Samba to the knock-out stages.

But no. With Arsenal’s loan ranger Joel Campbell scoring one and making another, Costa Rica levelled and then stuck it to their highly-rated rivals, seventh in the FIFA world rankings before the tournament.

Their 3-1 win was nearly as surprising as Holland’s triumph over Spain. And it blew the toughest group of the tournament wide open. Italy went on to beat England 2-1 with a typical Mario Balotelli winner – but who is to say who will qualify from Group D?

It’s been breathless. It’s been far too exciting. Far too many goals, especially compared to Spain’s seven-goal bore war in South Africa four years ago.

To add to the drama, Africa’s great hopefuls the Ivory Coast came back from a goal down to beat Japan in the wee hours of Saturday morning.

Since then, we’re seen African champions Nigeria held to a disappointing 0-0 draw by Iran (the first of the tournament) while Germany crushed Portugal 4-0 to leave Ghana, beaten 2-1 thanks to a lapse of concentration against the USA, in a very tight spot. It could be worse. Both Nigeria and Iran have a point more than England, beaten 2-1 by Italian Mario Balotelli's towering header.

Not this time: Italy overcame
England 2-1 in Manaus

Barring miracles, Africa could find themselves with only Cote D'Ivoire of the Big Five surviving to the knock-out stages. But there’s still a long way to go, with Brazil and Mexico the only sides to have played twice so far – their 0-0 draw means Cameroon could go out of the tournament if they lose their second game to Croatia.

Gripping stuff. But we cannot ignore the opening game. On the face of it, Brazil 3, Croatia 1 looks like another example of the revolutionary gender: a come-from-behind win which saw Filipe Scolari refusing to accept a point, gunning for all three after the equaliser.

But of course it wasn’t. With protests and stun grenades in the streets, there was a feeling a poor opening result would spark further trouble for FIFA and the host nation. Marcelo’s own goal had given Croatia the lead, Neymar’s low shot levelled just before the break.

But as I had predicted on twitter several times in the build-up, it needed a dodgy Neymar penalty to win it. Fred, who touched the ball just five times on the night, did what he was told. He fell over when he felt a hand on his should. The lightest brush of contact. Dive, dive, dive.

The feckless Japanese referee blew without hesitation. Neymar penalty. 2-1. Croatia went for the equaliser and got it, only for their goal to be disallowed for a questionable foul on Julio Cesar in the Brazilian goal. Okay, the impressive Oscar added a third, but by then the damage was done. And a sour taste was left in the mouth.

I leave it to Croatia coach Niko Kovac to sum it up: "If that's how we start the World Cup, we'd better give it up now and go home. We talk about respect, that wasn't respect, Croatia didn't get any. If that's a penalty, we don't need to play football anymore. Let's play basketball instead, it's a shame."

There was an opportunity for a repeat of that in the late stages of the 0-0 draw against Mexico, fortunately the spot kick wasn’t given. But a point means Brazil will probably not to stumble out early. That would make things far too exciting.

SOCCERBALLZ! my innovative football show on www.ballz.co.za with Mark Fish airs every Thursday from 9am-11am. See Ballz' channel for our growing library of fascinating football interviews with the big names. Ballz will also provide daily World Cup updates from next week.

You can also follow me on www.twitter.com/nealcol for all the latest sports news and read my “Neal and Pray” column every Tuesday in www.thenewage.co.za.

My second round Kick Off Predictor selections: 

Belgium 2

vs

Algeria 0

Brazil 2

vs

Mexico 1

Russia 2

vs

Korea Republic 0

Australia 0

vs

Netherlands 2

Spain 2

vs

Chile 1

Cameroon 0

vs

Croatia 2

Colombia 1

vs

Ivory Coast 1

Uruguay 0

vs

England 1

Japan 1

vs

Greece 1

Italy 2

vs

Costa Rica 0

Switzerland 1

vs

France 2

Honduras 0

vs

Ecuador 1

Argentina 4

vs

Iran 0

Germany 3

vs

Ghana 1

Nigeria 0

vs

Bosnia and Herzegovina 1

VIDEO: Robin van Persie has missed. I repeat, Robin van Persie has missed PLUS Tokelo Rantie on his debut

Nerves, nails and underpants: all you need to know about the final round of Premier League action today

Gunner be tough: How I may look on eTV tomorrow morning

For those frantically chewing nails before the Premier League finale, some facts:

1 If QPR hold Manchester City to a draw today and United win, Sir Alex takes his 13^th title.

2 If QPR fail as expected and Sunderland lose to United, City take it on goal difference.

3 If both Manchester giants win (or lose), City win the title for the first time since 1968.

4 If Arsenal beat West Brom, they take third and a guaranteed Champions League spot.

5 If Spurs finish fourth, they must wait and see if Chelsea win in Munich.

6 The Blues will qualify for Europe if they lift the Champions League against Bayern.

7 Robin van Persie needs one goal to equal Alan Shearer’s record of 31 goals.

8 If Bolton win and QPR lose, the Hoops are relegated with Blackburn and Wolves.

9 If Spurs and Arsenal lose and Newcastle win, Alan Pardew completes his dream.

10 If Arsenal lose, I will wear underpants on my head on eTV Sunrise tomorrow.

Yes, d-day has dawned. At the top, middle and bottom of the most watchable football league in the world, fans are currently gathering with frayed nerves around the world.

In Manchester, as Nick Hornby might say, things are at fever pitch. Roberto Mancini’s expensive gathering of international stars, spearheaded by Yaya Toure, must win against QPR at the Etihad Stadium to guarantee their first championship since 1968, when Santa Claus was a lad.

Anything less than that – a draw or an unthinkable defeat – will leave the door wide open for United and Sir Alex Ferguson, who has won 12 of the 19 Premier League titles since the old First Division succumbed in 1992.

This morning, the BBC carry these quotes from City’s Argentine full-back Pablo Zabaleta: "We're only 90 minutes away from making history. If we succeed it is probably the start of a new era for this club."

More worrying than my underpants, Robert Mancini has promised to get a tattoo if City succeed.

United have dominated the Premier era, with Arsenal and Chelsea winning three each and Blackburn one since the dark, distant days of football highlights and terrestrial television coverage.

QPR are, of course, managed by one Mark Hughes. Sparky thrilled Old Trafford in his playing days and will be intent on producing the ultimate spring surprise against City, the club responsible for his unjust sacking and replacement by Mancini.

If the former United striker and City reject does the job and wins a point against City today, it will be perhaps the greatest shock in modern footballing history. But don’t bet against it.

A point will also secure Premier League status for QPR, who change managers more often than I change my Spiderman underpants.

If Bolton win against Stoke and QPR lose, the Hoops will join hopeless Wolves and Blackburn in League One next season.

Then we come to the battle for Champions League qualification, where a point could mean R200m today.

Arsenal are in poll position to take third place despite their woeful 3-3 draw against Norwich last week. Arsene Wenger has been unable to shore up his dodgy defence at the squeaky bottom end of the season and he faces a West Brom side saying farewell to new England boss Roy Hodgson today.

To find out my views on my old coach Woy, simply google “Neal Collins Roy Hodgson”. It’s gone global.

My desperate attempts to call Woy, who coached me when I was 13, have failed. He has no idea what a Baggies win will do to me. As a sideshow, Robin van Persie needs just one more goal to equal the Premier League record of 31.

And of course, if Spurs beat Fulham – and they should at White Hart Lane – Harry Redknapp and the Gooners’ arch-rivals will snatch third if Arsenal draw or lose. Lurking behind the pair of North London wannabes are Newcastle, who could take that third spot if they win at Everton and Spurs and Arsenal lose.

It’s all too much for some. I have promised to wear my nearly-unique and often-admired Spiderman underpants on my head tomorrow on eNews Sunrise’s Classic Play if Arsenal fail. If Mother’s Day prevents you from watching the action this afternoon at 3pm (4pm in South Africa) tune in tomorrow at 7.30am, DSTV channel 134 to find out. The underpants will be on my head. And I will be thoroughly miserable.

Should you miss that, try eNews and Collins Corner at 8.15am on DSTV 403. And read Neal and Pray in The New Age on Tuesday for the full extent of my misery. Arsene Wenger, please don’t do this to me.

You can follow me on www.twitter.com/nealcol and www.facebook.com/nealivorcollins.

The news every Gooner dreads: moneybags Manchester City keen on Robin van Persie

IT’S official. The news every Gooner has been dreading. Manchester City and their ridiculously rich backers have targeted Arsenal’s goalden Dutchman Robin van Persie. Arsene Wenger won’t be surprised. He’s already seen Kolo Toure, Emmanuel Adebayor, Gael Clichy and Samir Nasri head north to Eastlands, lured by the oil-soaked Dirhams on offer from Sheikh Mansour in Abu Dhabi. Arsenal’s bank balance may have improved, but as every Gooners knows, they’re struggling to compete without that handy quartet. Now Roberto Mancini, with his side top of the Premier League, had told The Sun in London: “All good teams are interested in him. At this moment, Robin van Persie is one of the best strikers in Europe with Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo, Sergio Aguero and Mario Balotelli.” Bloody Mancini. He’s already got Aguero and Balotelli on his books. Edin Dzeko isn’t bad. Adebayor is on loan at Spurs and Carlos Tevez is lurking somewhere in the twilight between an apology and Argentina. Five world class strikers is an expensive luxury. Six would be ridiculous. But Mancini is only too aware that without Van Persie, Arsenal would be taken out of the equation as a Premier League threat. With 25 goals this season, he leads the English goalscoring charts by seven from Wayne Rooney. Without those goals, Arsenal probably be languishing somewhere just blow the middle of the tables, with fans at the Emirates Stadium having a right go at Gervinho, Maroune Chamakh and Theo Walcott every week. Arsenal’s potential demise only encourages Mancini, who said: "We are interested in all good players. If there is a good player who wants to leave a club, then we are interested.” Mancini, like Pep Guardiola at Barcelona and Jose Mourinho if he stays at Real Madrid after winning La Liga this season, won’t be put off by Van Persie’s repeated claims of loyalty to Wenger. At 28, he’s out of contract at the end of 2013. The giants are waiting to swoop, with money no object if Van Persie doesn’t sign a new deal before the end of the winter. Mancini claims: "If Van Persie leaves I don't think he will be cheap because he has one year left on his contract. If, for example, you wanted to buy Napoli's Edinson Cavani he would be maybe £30million. "I think Van Persie will sign a new contract. He is Arsenal's best player and it is difficult for them to give him to another club. "I think he is a fantastic striker but I think he will remain with Arsenal." Then why talk about him at all Roberto?

My New Year resolutions

Some New Year resolutions:
1 Stop worrying about Robin van Persie's new contract.
2 Trust Jacques Kallis. I scored the first of my eight tons at 36.
3 Take it on the chin when he gets a ton at Newlands this week.
4 Take more road trips through South Africa, Garden Route and Meiringspoort were stunning.
5 Stop smoking. Fags may be cheap here but my lungs are expensive.
6 Leave the Peter Roebuck story alone. It's done. He's gone.
7 Leave my fellow sports journalists to their own devices. Enough already.
8 Make Scoop! South Africa's best-selling Sunday. There's a niche in the market.
9 Make Candidly Collins on eNews every Monday morning a must-watch.
10 Stop trying to bbq hamburgers and sausages. This is braai country.
11 Don't sound so smug when Chelsea and Man U lose. Only Spurs.
12 Don't got back to London for the 2012 Olympics. You know what the traffic will be like.
13 Erm.. .that's it. Any further suggestions below please!

2010 World Cup final preview: And the winner is... ubuntu

Today we should be talking football. It’s the World Cup final on Sunday, a billion people will be watching Soccer City and Holland or Spain will become the first new winners since France in 1998.

But suddenly, as this vibrant tournament draws to a close, I feel the need to talk ubuntu.

There are a lot of translations of this curious African word. The closest I can get appeared in the South African newspaper the Daily Dispatch this week. It says ubuntu is “the acceptance of others as parts of the sum total of each of us”. Some might just call it mutual respect. Others see it as a kind of warm, all-embracing African love story.

My dad, born in Portsmouth in 1933 but a resident of Pretoria since 1970, says ubuntu is: “Treating everyone like you’re all one big family.”

And that’s what we’ve had here isn’t it? From the opening concert at Soweto’s Super Stadium to that moment the World Cup turns orange or red on Sunday night. At outpouring of African affection.

Don’t confuse that with the massive support for Bafana Bafana early in this tournament. Or the outpouring of grief when fellow Africans Ghana were cruelly put out of the tournament at the quarter-final stage. It may have something to do with the incredible lack of animosity between fans here, the lack of real problems in a nation still growing.

Ubuntu is that feeling you get when you’re lost in South Africa expecting trouble from the group of lads up ahead... only to find gleaming smiles and offers of help.

Ubuntu is when you’re standing in a lengthy cue for the park-and-ride at Polokwane, and everybody wants to talk about Wayne Rooney rather than whinge about the delay.

Ubuntu is when you’re in Sandton trying to pay for parking, and the dodgy looking fellow in overalls comes over and uses his change to get you out.

Ubuntu is when you cower as a local comes rushing towards you in the dark outside Soccer City... and hugs you in sympathy because you’re wearing the Three Lions.

Ubuntu is when dozens gather round to help you blow your vuvuzela properly, and at the right time.

Ubuntu occurred even before the big kick-off on June 11 when, before the tournament began, Pretoria’s Blue Bulls were forced to play their Super 15 rugby final in Soweto because Loftus Versfeld had been booked by FIFA. Ubuntu reigned supreme for a fortnight among folk who have barely heard the term.

And when Adrian van der Bijl, a the prominent local businessman who owns Irene Lodge, the home of the USA in this tournament, left his mobile phone in a shebeen and thought it was lost, ubuntu ran through him when his wife’s cell rang. The shebeen workers had found his phone.

Ubuntu is Africa, despite a thousand years of pain.

American Shari Cohen, the international development worker who very publicly came out against this costly World Cup before it began, ended up admitting: “To say that I have been blown away at the hospitality South Africa has shown the rest of the world would be an understatement.”

And on the subject of ubuntu, she said, in an open letter published on the Huffington Post website: “South Africans are drinking deeply from the cup of humanity that has been brought to their doorstep. I would never imagine that an American World Cup or Olympics would ever be this welcoming to the rest of the world. And that saddens me for the state of my home country, but it also makes me feel the pride of the South African people.

“I will be leaving a little piece of myself here in South Africa. I just hope I have learned enough to bring back a little piece of ubuntu to my homeland ...

“When I think of ubuntu and my recent experiences here, I think America has much to learn from Africa in general, in terms of living as a larger village; and as human beings who are all interconnected with each other, each of us having an effect on our brothers and sisters.”

A total over nearly 30 billion people have watched this World Cup. Did they feel ubuntu across the airwaves? What happened to all those predictions about crime and bloodbaths? Was that ubuntu at work?

Ultimately, though I love Wesley Sneijder and Arjen Robben and long for Robin van Persie to score, I don’t care that much about Holland winning. Given Paul the Octopus and his muscle-bound support for Spain, perhaps this whole World Cup was never really about who triumphs on the football field.

It matters not. There has been only one winner. Africa. Ubuntu.

This isn't just a World Cup, it's a war: England must beat Germany, the US grab the glory and Japan are lurking... as France and Italy surrender

Never on the field of human conflict has so much football been played by so few for so many. Isn’t that what England’s veteran central defender Winston Churchill said 70 years ago? It’s been a curious global conflagration this.

Without wishing to irk the historians, France surrendered early and a new regime will take over the wreckage. Italy changed ends a few times and then threw up their hands too. Brave England, weary and dispirited, bravely trudged on. And then the high-spirited Americans appeared at the last minute to grab the glory.

I hope there’s no confusion. It’s the absorbing, unpredictable World Cup we’re talking about. Right here in South Africa where the disenfranchised majority desperately volunteer to back England, the Limeys are under siege and the Afrikaners may be quietly backing the Germans.

Now we await the big England showdown against the old foe, a long way from Tipperary. And the Japanese are lurking dangerously. The Swiss are in neutral for the time being, the Spanish are recovering from their earlier conflict and the South Americans appear largely unaffected by it all.

Poor old Africa appears to have been utterly let down by years of colonial dominance. European superpowers have drained their resources. Ghana are the first nation to claim freedom – and the last. But I’m going too far. Don’t mention the war, as the striking John Cleese once said.

Lest we forget, France really did surrender here. They laid down their arms and left with one solitary point from a boring display against the Uruguayans in Cape Town. A massive government inquiry is ongoing, Laurent Blanc now takes over the reins while Raymond Domenech falls on his sword, assisted by the hands-some major figure, Thierry Henry.

Four years ago Les Bleus reached the final. Twelve years ago they ruled the world. But in South Africa the French Resistance was about as laughable as the British comedy ‘Allo ‘Allo.

The Italians fared little better. They conquered the globe four years ago and forgot to conscript youngsters to replace those war-weary veterans. Generally, Marcello Lippi may have to resign his commission. When the big guns of Slovakia were turned on them, the Azzuri submitted 3-2 despite a few late shots. Like France, they finished bottom of their group and retreat in disgrace.

England, after a terrible start – that 0-0 draw against Algeria might have been our Dunkirk, we were all at sea – showed the Blitz spirit to see off mighty Slovenia 1-0 with the shout of “who goes there friend or Defoe?”

And just when it looked like those brave troops had Group C at their mercy, along comes Landon Donovan with that late goal against Algeria in Pretoria to put the United States on top. Yankee dandies doodled but they triumphed in the end with an ex-President urging them on.

Which of course leaves Her Majesty’s finest to take on the Germans. Alone. In Bloemfontein. On Sunday. Now I remember the capital of the Free State being a bit of a no-man’s land on the Sabbath. No drinking, no sport, just church. Perhaps things have changed. I doubt it. If there’s a corner of a foreign field that isn’t forever England, it’s Bloem.

The USA have the easy option, what with all their resources and plentiful rations of good fortune. They play sole African survivors Ghana in Phokeng, just down the road from England’s Royal Bafokeng Sports Campus base. The FA’s World Cup Final Solution – formulated long before the World Cup draw on December 4 - has gone awry.

And all the while the South Americans are progressing on several fronts. Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, Paraguay and Chile sit proudly atop their groups and look capable of changing the course of global events. They haven’t endured a long, hard winter like the Europeans. They’re fresh, few casualties... and they’re taking no prisoners. All five of the CONMEBOL qualifiers.

Mexico have sneaked in too, but they’re not really in the same category. Portugal should join them, they’re the neutral choice. But only if they drive the Brazilians nuts in Durban.

And the sly Dutch appear to be lurking with intent. Three games, nine points after last night’s meaningless 2-1 victory over doomed Cameroon in Cape Town. Arsenal’s Robin van Persie dropped the bombshell just before half-time after an explosive interchange with Liverpool’s Dirk Kuyt.

Then Rafael van der Vaart put his hands up – to block Geremi's free-kick. Samuel Eto'o stuck away the penalty to equalise.

Then we had the standing ovation for the arrival of Bayern Munich’s Aarjen Robben, back after a hamstring injury. Almost immediately he hit a post, and Milan’s Klaas-Jan Huntelaar followed up to score the winner. Orange juice all round. But nobody’s really talking about the lowlanders. We are otherwise occupied.

With Japan for instance. They’re supposed to be a distant Asian power. Like South Korea. They play a different game; quick, neat but ineffective. Yet here they are, on the brink of threatening the traditional European powers. We may have under-estimated the Orientals (which is not to suggest an allegiance with Leyton Orient, no way). The Americans may be left to deal with this particular threat.

Their 3-1 triumph at the Royal Bafokeng Sports Palace last night would please any Emperor. Keisuke Honda produced the first genuine free-kick strike with the ballooning Jabulani ball to put Denmark on the back foot from 30 yards after 27 minutes. Yasuhito Endo did much the same 13 minutes later and by half-time it was 2-0.

Denmark hit the bar in the second half as they finally realised they were on their way out, but by then they were bacon. Well done. An 83^rd minute penalty – scored on the rebound by former Newcastle veteran Jon Dahl Tomasson, his first goal in 13 games – gave the Danes hope but it was a phoney war; up popped Shinji Okazaki to produce coup de grace in the dying moments.

Australia? New Zealand? They fought so hard, sacrificed so much... but went home without recognition. Like a couple of the unpredictable Balkan states, Greece, Serbia and Slovenia. Cannon fodder. Slovakia alone have defied the odds, but they should be kept in Czech.

It’s all fitting in to an historical pattern this World Cup. And the good news? History suggests England will rise up after those torrid opening skirmishes to conquer those efficient Germans.

Could we call that VE day? Oh, what a lovely war!

Neal Collins is not a war historian. He is a sports journalist touring South Africa to promote his first novel, A GAME APART, currently No 67 on Amazon’s African best-sellers list, just ahead of “Truth and Lies: Stories from the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa”. For more information, see www.nealcollins.co.uk. Or ask your local book shop to order one.

To see Neal talk at the National Arts Festival in Grahamstown on July 4, go tohttp://www.computicket.com/web/event/neal_collins_a_game_apart/148367625.

Spurs 2, Arsenal 1: Rose rises to the occasion and reliant Robin arrives too late

DANNY ROSE, thirty yards out, on his Premier League debut, just ten minutes in. A packed White Hart Lane, one of the fiercest derbies in football and the ball comes down out of the sky on to his left foot.

And what does the lad from Doncaster do? He rifles the ball into the net. A Roy of the Rovers scorcher. Incredible. The difference between the two arch-rivals as 90 fascinating minutes ended 2-1 to Spurs at White Hot Lane.

Was there anybody in the ground not wondering why Leeds United academy graduate Rose had been picked ahead of former Gunner David Bentley?

But for Spurs boss Harry Redknapp, this was the Rose among the thorns in the North London showdown which simply had to be won. And win it Spurs did, despite Arsenal’s dominance. Thank you, Danny Boy.

Sure, Arsenal were without their spine. No Cesc Fabregas, no Andrei Arshavin, no William Gallas and, crucially, no Alex Song to shore up the midfield. And then they lost Thomas Vermaelen after twenty minutes.

Unbeaten in this fixture this century, Arsenal dominate Premier League meetings between the two - in 35 games since the new system started in 1991, Arsenal have won 14, Spurs can now claim six, with 16 draws.

Sol Cambell, the man who left White Hart Lane on a free for Highbury a decade ago, got his traditional greeting – and his flying knee offered the first chance, which was saved off the line by Benloit Assou-Ekotto after four minutes. It was to be Arsenal’s only chance in 80 minutes of dominance. Nearly as incredible as Rose’s goal was the fact that Arsenal have managed to stay in contention for so long without a decent striker.

Roman Pavlyuchenko gave the Gooners a scare of their own nine minutes in. And then came the Broadway Danny Rose moment. Arsenal goalkeeper Manuel Almunia punched the ball out and the man signed from Leeds on July 25 2007 for a mere £1m produced the perfect volley. Spaniard Almunia, who has offered to switch allegiance to England, could only flap at the ball as it flew past him.

England Under 21 international Daniel Lee Rose failed to score on loan at Watford or Peterborough last year. This was the first strike of his career and he may never score a better goal – or a more important one - than he did last night.

At barely 5ft 8in, he’s no giant. But then neither is Lionel Messi. It’s all about shape, technique, composure. He showed it all with his first touch in the Premier League.

From that moment on, Arsenal dominated the game and the experienced Tottenham stars like Jermain Defoe, Roman Pavlyuchenko and Luka Modric failed to show. Peter Crouch? England’s most dangerous striker didn’t even make the starting line-up with the World Cup looming.

But Arsenal, for all their possession, never really looked like threatening Heurelho Gomes in the Spurs goal. An epic first half ended with Rose’s moment of magic separating the teams.

Redknapp promptly took Rose off at half-time, bringing on Bentley. But if Arsenal thought that might make things easier, they were soon proved wrong.

Gareth Bale, the in-form full-back pushed into midfield, scored his first goal in nearly three seasons when he found himself left alone on the far post by sub Mikhael Silvestre and Gael Cliche. Less than two minutes into the second half and Arsenal were 2-0 down.

Despite the impotence of Tomas Rosicky and Denilson, Arsenal continued to enjoy the bulk of the possession, but Nicklas Bendtner, allegedly a lone striker, opted to lie deep. Arsenal, as Gooners have been saying all season, offered nothing in front of goal.

With a fit-again Robin van Persie waiting to come on, Emmanuel Adebayor sold to Manchester City and Eduardo Da Silva unable to recover from his traumatic ankle injury, Arsene Wenger’s failure to sign Marouane Chamakh from Bordeaux in January continues to look like the biggest mistake of a distinguished career.

Wenger told an angry General Meeting at the Emirates: “Judge me by what we achieve this season.”

And for a sixth season in a row, the trophy cabinet at Arsenal will stay empty, like Wenger’s promises. Before this one, he admitted: “If we lose here, the title is over for us.”

He threw on winger Theo Walcott for full-back Bakary Sagna after just 53 minutes with Van Persie warming up on the sideline, eager for his first game in four months. How Chelsea and their fans must have been chortling at this point.

Arsenal’s best player? The 35-year-old free transfer from Notts County, Campbell. A rock at the back who deserves at least a vague phone call from England manager Fabio Capello before the World Cup kicks-off on June 11.

Their worst? Bendtner. Even more incompetent than the over-priced, mostly-injury Tomas Rosicky, a bounced Czech if ever I saw one. The Great Dane failed to understand his role. Expending useless energy on the chase. Never threatening to rouse Gomes from his slumbers in the Spurs goal.

Look, this wasn’t the Beautiful Game in all it’s glory... but it was a flowing, glowing North London derby. I’d like to say there were chances at either end, but with Arsenal forgetting to field a striker, that’s not true. But when Van Persie eventually came on, Gomes was forced to work like a Trojan.

For most of the 42 minutes after Tottenham’s second goal, Arsenal piled on the pressure. Abou Diaby huffed and puffed, Samir Nasri twinkled, Walcott made those searing runs down the right.

But as all true Gooners will attest, this Arsenal lacks shooters. Not a shot in sight. Spurs, on their rare forays forward, simply shot on sight. That’s how you score goals.

And still Van Persie warms up on the sidelines, still Chelsea chortle, still the cockerel-badged Spurs fans crow. Less than half-an-hour to play. Ledley King and Younes Kaboul at the back are having no trouble. You get the impression one of them might produce the giant Bendtner from a pocket after the match and sigh: “Ah, there you are Nicky boy.”

Van Persie’s arrival after 73 minutes heralded the first save of the game from Gomes seven minutes later. A neat turn and shot showed Arsenal fans what they’d been missing but the Brazilian goalkeeper was equal to it. He was even better three mintues later, keeping out a Van Persie free-kick.

Then he brilliantly denied a Campbell header and suddenly Spurs were hanging on.

But it had to come. Van Persie found Walcott, perfect ball across the face... and Bendtner nabbed his ninth goal in 11 games from a yard.

Game on. Five minutes left. Another rasping shot from Van Persie, another great save from Gomes. Arsenal denied an obvious corner. Crouch on for Pavlyuchenko. Three to go.

But it wouldn’t come. Victory for Spurs and a chance of that elusive first Champions League appearance for finishing fourth. Gomes eventually won the Man of the Match award for those four stunning saves after 80 minutes of inactivity. Captain Ledly King said: "He's one of the best in the world at the moment. He's saved us so many times. We feel we can beat anyone at home - even Chelsea next week."

Gomes himself said: "It's a great win but it's not the most important. Every game is important. It's not easy to concentrate with nothing to do. But I think we played some game. We have Chelsea coming up. We need to perform like that again."

You Can Keep Your El Classico: Give Me Spurs v Arsenal and a Reliant Robin Van Persie any old day

YEAH, yeah, yeah. Lionel Messi against Cristiano Ronaldo. Catalan versus Castillian. Barcelona 2, Real Madrid 0. All so predictable.

You want a real derby? Something with a little grunt? Try the North London showdown. Wednesday night. But don't get caught in the wrong pub.

Arsenal desperately need a win to close the gap on Chelsea at the top of the Premier League. Spurs can't afford to slip up or they won't make that fabled fourth place and their first ever crack at the Champions League.

It doesn't get any more urgent, any more passionate. All over the world, exiled Londoners and those who have never been anywhere near Big Ben will be watching... and at workplaces from New Zealand to New York the mickey will be mercilessly taken by those who have followed Gunners or Yids all their lives.

And for those who think the Catalan v Castillian problem gives El Classico extra zip... or Celtic's Catholics versus Rangers' Protestants is the be-all-and-end-all, think again. All kinds of things, religion, class, history, divide Spurs fans from Gooners.

But the split also separates brother from sister, father from son, tears best mates apart, if only for an evening. It's only 6.13 kilometres (3.81 miles) from White Hart Lane to the sparkling new Emirates Stadium. But the two are a world apart.

Spurs, who last saw real glory with the double in 1961, nearly 50 years of penalty envy rankle deep in the soul. They change managers constantly...Gerry Francis, caretaker Chris Hughton, Christian Gross, David Pleat, George Graham, Pleat again, Glenn Hoddle, caretaker Pleat yet again, Jacques Santini, Martin Jol, Juande Ramos and HarryRedknapp have all been in charge since Arsene Wenger joined Arsenal in 1996.

But then we must consider Arsenal's trophy cabinet, desolate for the past five seasons. They finish above Spurs every season despite the bigger spending of their neighbours, but the silverware that characterised the early years of Wenger's reign are notably absent.

That could change this season. A win at White Hart Lane on Wednesday night would put them level with Chelsea at the top with four games left to play - but only if the League leading Blues lose to battling Bolton at Stamford Bridge tomorrow. And that's a hugely unlikely if.

Defeat or even a draw against old rivals Spurs would essentially end Arsenal's title hopes, just as Manchester United's draw at Blackburn on Sunday leaves the champions struggling.

And to add extra spark, Arsenal's Dutch striker Robin van Persie could make his long awaited return. He'd scored eight in 11 games before rupturing his ankle ligaments during the Holland's friendly against Italy last November.

Before Van Persie was crocked, Arsenal were threatening to run riot, scoring 3.26 goals per game. Since then, they've averaged 1.77 with lankly Nicklas Bendtner, broken Eduardo Da Silva and inexperienced Carlos Vela attempting to fill the gap.

Van Persie's return would be hugely significant. Arsenal sold Emmanuel Adebayor to Manchester City and turned down the chance to replace him with Bordeaux's MarouaneChamakh in January. They've been relying on Cesc Fabregas and Andrei Arshavin to score goals from deep - but both are out, injured by the Messi end to their Champions League campaign at the hands of Barca.

Three points would keep Arsenal in realistic contention and see them leapfrog Manchester United into second place. Their run in of Wigan, Manchester City, Blackburn and Fulham has sparked real optimism in the Gooner ranks.

That may encourage Wenger to name Van Persie in his injury-ravaged squad, who play their first match since being knocked out of the Champions League by Barcelona last Tuesday.

Also out? William Gallas, Aaron Ramsey, Johan Djourou... and possibly defensivemidfielder Alex Song, perhaps their most improved player of the season.

So will Wenger throw Van Persie in early, when he stands accused of doing just that with Gallas and Fabregas just a fortnight ago against Barcelona?

It looks like it. Rumours emanating from Arsenal's London Colney training ground claim his work with Dutch amateurs AFC Amsterdam has resulted in him "stunning onlookers" with his work-rate.

And we have the canny Wenger, desperate to stay in the title race at the expense of his arch-rivals, insisting: "Robin is in a good shape. Physically and fitness-wise. We have just to get him back to full team fitness."

Whether he has managed that, we will find out on Wednesday. By then they will know if they are three or six points behind Chelsea.

Spurs? They were knocked out of their rhythm by Portsmouth in the FA Cup semi-final on Sunday, beaten 2-0 in extra-time by the poorest side in the world. Striker Peter Crouch has taken a pasting from the fans since - especially as Manchester City, their main rivals for fourth place and Champions League qualification, crushed Birmingham 5-1.

But boss Harry Redknapp insisted today:

We couldn't have a better game now," said Harry. "If I had to choose a game, I'd choose Arsenal at home for the next one.

"Sunday was a bad day, but what can you do? Life is full of highs and lows. That was a big low, but we've had plenty of highs this season. The mark is how you pick yourselves up.

"It wasn't ideal preparation for Wednesday, for sure. The players have to rest now and get ready to go again. It's about how you recover and respond.

"Arsenal is a massive game and we've got to come back and try and win that game - it's all-important for us."