Mbalula Fikile's astonishing tribute to the Springboks: I'll just leave this here. No editing. You comment.

JACK IN THE BOKS: Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula

Here is Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula's statement on the Springboks finishing third at the Rugby World Cup in England, sent to me by e-mail this morning.

There are some quite incredible comments like "The springboks  are our African African patriots, in their veins flow the blood of our common ancestors" and anybody who disagrees? "Our people must forever be vigilant and not allow our detractors to bastardise Mandela’s legacy".

Remember, this is the man who once described South Africa's national football team Bafana Bafana as a bunch of losers. Who accused this writer of "being on nyaope" for revealing the deceit of the pre-2010 "African Diaspora fund" when he was denying all knowledge of that infamous $10m payment.

The man who singularly fails to deal with the real issues in sport - match-fixing, bribery, development and corruption - appears to have worked really hard on this document. While he prepares to spend R6.5 BILLION on the Commonwealth Games in Durban (a sum which would provide free university education for ALL) with accusations of corruption already coming to the surface, appears obsessed by our elderly, unrepresentative rugby team. The question is: WHY?

Please read it carefully. It's quite staggering. Not quite sure what the ancestors would think.

STATEMENT

TO ALL MEDIA 

31 OCTOBER 2015

MINISTER OF SPORT AND RECREATION SOUTH AFRICA, MR FIKILE MBALULA STATEMENT FOLLOWING THE EXIT OF SOUTH AFRICA FROM THE IRB WORLD CUP

Today we pay homage and tribute to the springbok team that defeated Argentina to claim the third place in the IRB 2015 I World Cup. I take this rare opportunity to salute Victor Matfield, Schalk Burger, Brian Habana,  Fourie du Preez, Jean de Villers for their selfless services and infinite commitment to the man in black green and gold and the people of South Africa. These senior players ,who by right and exhibition, reached their twilight days in international rugby remain loads stars to the current generation and a source of inspiration to posterity. Go well you South African compatriots! Farewell you faithful soldiers. 

As a nation we must remember that the springboks entered this World Cup against the backdrop of four successive loses in international test rugby. A shocking loss to Japan in the opening match  at the IRB 2015 RWC. Our boys in green and gold came to the IRB 2015 RWC representing a divided nation bickering over demographic representation and grappling with the necessary and inevitable perennial transformation debate. 

On the other hand, the All Blacks from New Zealand, our opponents had none of the above and that naturally gives them an edge over us. With all that baggage, the boys advanced to the semi-finals and gave the All Blacks a taste of their own medicine before bowing out in dignity and with their heads standing high on their shoulders. That is the spirit, bravado, passion, pride and brute synonymous with the springbok team. 

For this act and never die spirit of a springbok team, the nation salute and the coach for flying the South African flag high and fearlessly fighting to bring the Webb Ellis cup to the African continent for the third time. We take our hats off to the team for demonstrating once again that victory and glory belong to those who are prepared to make supreme sacrifices. The Springboks are the harbingers of the future and the posterity will benefit immensely by taking a leaf from their trial and tribulations. 

The springboks  are our African African patriots, in their veins flow the blood of our common ancestors. Whatever challenges we face as a nation, whatever contradictions society throws up in the  course of the struggle for transformation, whoever maliciously attempt to derail the path our government, has chosen ; that of peace and development thorough sport, nation building and social cohesion through sport, our people must forever be vigilant and not allow our detractors to bastardise Mandela’s legacy.

We must be vigilant, defend the core-values, consolidate what we have achieved thus far, advance and deepen the struggle for democracy, transformation and development in sport. The springboks and the transformation of any other code must be located in that vortex of a nation constructing it's identity and taking its rightful place in the global community.

I end by invoking the words of a Brazilian Philosopher Roberto Unger when he said “ the internal dynamics of societies, the revelations of inescapable conflicts and missed opportunities, are the proximate cause of their transformation”. Therein lies the strategic debate in framing the discourse and preparing our nation for the 2019 RWC in Japan. In the coming years we will not entertain meaningless debates. We have a Transformation Charter and the Eminent Persons Group on Transformation comprehensive recommendations to implement in order  to achieve transformation goals.

Ends.

World Cup Final 2014: SUPER MARIO SEALS THE DEAL for Germany... and rightly so

Highlight of the night: the sun sets over Christ the Redeemer above Rio

Dreadful. Goalless. Disappointing. Poetic commentator Peter Drury can show us all the glorious sunsets in the world, but the World Cup Final simply let us down.

The long-awaited winner: Mario Gotze scores

In the end it was decided by a single moment of predatory finishing from Mario Gotze, the 22-year-old supersub from Bayern Munich.

And that was only right. After a fascinating tournament in Brazil filled with shocks and surprises, Argentina successfully sucked the life out of the Germans and left us bemoaning on the second 0-0 final in history, with the USA in 1994 the only previous example.

It’s harsh blaming all this on the Argies, but in truth, look at their record. Like Spain in South Africa four years ago, they managed to stay goalless throughout the knock-out stages, over seven hours of defensive buttressing.

But up front, despite an embarrassment of striking riches, two goals in four games. Ugh. Lionel Messi showed glimpses, but never enough to persuade anybody of my age he’s another Pele or Diego Maradona.

His highly-rated, over-priced strike partners Gonzalo Higuain – who missed one and had another ruled out (rightly) for off-side – and Kun Aguero were largely unimpressive too.

But then what can we say about the Germans? Top scorers in 2010. 17 in Brazil. The record-breaking 16-goal Miroslav Klose went off before the 90 minutes were up, Thomas Muller – their leading scorer for both tournaments – was painfully lacking.

In the end, it came down to extra-time. Germany had most of the possession in the first half but shut up shop in the second. Argentina did little to set the pulses racing. All commentator Drury, the football poet, could offer was nice pictures of Christ the Redeemer with the sun going down.

He said: “If you don’t find that view breathtaking, there’s something missing in your humanity.” There was. A goal. Three World Cup finals going to extra-time in a row? After a tournament where former winners Spain, Italy and England went home early?

No cause to celebrate: Higuain after his disallowed goal

Where Tim Krul came on as a penalty specialist? Where Cameroonians head-butted each other? Where two African sides reached the knock-out stages for the first time? Where Neymar broke a vertebra and Tim Howard saved more shots in one game than anygoalkeeper before? The old Suarez bite and ban and move to Barcelona?

Great stuff. It started with Holland 5, Spain 1 and, in truth, ended with that unbelievable semi-final: Germany 7, Brazil 1.

But always, lurking in the background, Alejandro Sabella, the man who played for Sheffield United and Leeds back in the 80s. Perhaps that’s where he learned the unbeautiful game. Under him, Messi is too often reduced to a midfield worker ant. Under him, when Lavezzi starts running at the opposition too much, off he goes. Under him, Argentina are little more than Stoke City on steroids.

In a tournament where a record NINE of the knock-out games went to extra-time, we were forced to endure another 30 minutes of stale-mate. Italian referee Nicola Rizzoli managed to keep all 22 players on the pitch, though Kramer was felled by a hefty Garay shoulder and Neuer nearly beheaded Higuain.

Extra-time gave us chances for subsitutes Schurrle and Palacio but no goal. Until SEVEN minutes from penalties, Bayern Munich's Mario Gotze produced a chest-and-volley finish to provide Germany with the edge they needed.

It was the first goal Argentina had conceded since the group stages. The first time EVER they had let in during World Cup extra-time. And the final kick of the match belonged to Lionel Messi, the man who threatened to eclipse the great Diego Maradona. He didn't. He ballooned his free-kick over the bar... and probably on the head of Christ the Redeemer.

Moment of triumph: Germany lift the World Cup

For the first time in history, a European nation has won the World Cup in South America. And who can say they didn't deserve it?

Messi was awarded the Golden Ball as best player of the tournament, but it was hardly deserved given his performances in the knock-out stages. Both Jerome Boateng and Bastian Schweinsteiger were magnificent throughout. James Rodriguez of Colombia takes home the golden boot while Manuel Neueur, the German giant, deservedly carried off the Golden Glove as keeper of the World Cup.

SOCCERBALLZ! my innovative football show on www.ballz.co.za with Mark Fish airs every Thursday from 9am-11am. See Ballz' channel for our growing library of fascinating football interviews with the big names. Ballz will also provide daily World Cup updates from next week.

You can also follow me on www.twitter.com/nealcol for all the latest sports news and read my “Neal and Pray” column every Tuesday in www.thenewage.co.za.

In the court of King James: abandoned by his dad, spotted by a villain… and a hero to all in Colombia

Now we've heard of him: James Rodriguez

BARELY halfway through the World Cup and a star has been born. Forget Neymar, Messi and Muller, it’s James they’re all talking about. On Friday night in the quarter-final showdown between Colombia and Brazil he might be the only name in town.

The first man to five goals in the chase for the Golden Boot, James David Rodríguez Rubio is far too complicated a name for modern football fans. They call him James. Actually, it’s Hamez for Spanish-speaking Colombia fans.

And emerging from the shadow of their better-known striker Radamel Falcao, the Americans are now dubbing him J-Rod after their famous baseballer.

When injury forced Falcao out of the 2014 World Cup, most expected the Colombians, feisty Latin American outsiders, to struggle on the goal front. But from BEFORE the tournament even started, Rodriguez stepped up and started banging them in on behalf of his crocked Monaco team-mate.

In pre-tournament friendlies against Senegal and Jordan, the 22-year-old started his incredible streak. Then, as Group C burst upon us, Rodriguez produced goal after goal, scoring in his first four World Cup games to equal the record held by Brazilian greats Ronaldo and Rivaldo.

Goal of the tournament? James' first against Uruguay

One in the 3-0 win over Greece, one to break Ivorian hearts, a cracker against Japan and then TWO in the last 16 clash against Uruguay on Saturday night. SEVEN goals in SIX games. Incredible in the world of modern international football. And the first against Uruguay was an absolute classic, possibly the best of an incredible World Cup so far. Brought it down with a superb first touch, half-volleyed the ball home from outside the box.

Breath-taking stuff. So good, in fact, it prompted Colombia’s greatest footballing hero (he of the massive hair) Carlos Valderrama to ooze modestly: ''For a long time in Colombia they have been looking for the next Carlos Valderrama and they've now finally found who that player is. And he will be a hero not just now but for the next 10 years.''

But some have known about this baby-faced assassin for years. At the tender age of 15, he banged in nine goals for local Colombian outfit Envigado. He was shifted quickly to Argentine side Banfield, where he earned the nickname “James Bond” and then he was swept off to Europe, where he scored 25 goals in 63 games for Porto.

Though part-owned (like Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano from Argentina) by a third-party, Rodriguez finally gained freedom with a high profile move to moneybags principality Monte Carlo and AC Monaco.

Nine goals in 34 games hardly justify the ludicrous £38.5m (R750m) price Monaco paid for him but with Falcao linked with a return to Madrid – he left Atletico but may return to Real – Rodriguez clearly thrives in the absence of his countryman.

It’s not always been an easy ride for “Hamez”. He was abandoned by his father – a former professional footballer - at the age of three and raised by his mum, Pilar.

And it was the late Gustavo Upegui Lopez, a businessman with suspected ties to Medellín’s drug cartels and vigilante death squads, who engineered his first professional move to Envigado rather than to Tolima, where his father played.

He was married at 19 – to Daniela, sister of Colombia goalkeeper David Ospina – and has a daughter, Salome. From 12, when he scored a goal direct from a corner on national television, he dreamed of being “the new El Pibe (Valderrama) and winner of the Ballon d’Or.

There were times, those early years in Porto and the opening weeks in Monte Carlo, when the dream seemed distant and improbable. He was seen as too slight, not physical enough. Two weeks in Brazil have changed that. Forever.

SOCCERBALLZ! my innovative football show on www.ballz.co.za with Mark Fish airs every Thursday from 9am-11am. See Ballz' channel for our growing library of fascinating football interviews with the big names. Ballz will also provide daily World Cup updates from next week.

You can also follow me on www.twitter.com/nealcol for all the latest sports news and read my “Neal and Pray” column every Tuesday in www.thenewage.co.za.

What the world thinks of the Soweto derby: 30th place for Kaizer Chiefs v Orlando Pirates

ACCORDING to FootballDerbies.com, South Africa's showdown between Kaizer Chiefs and Orlando Pirates is not as important as South Africans like to think.

Using a points system based on atmosphere, coverage and attendance, they rate the Turkish showdown between Istanbul's arch-rivals Fenerbahce and Galatasary as the number one local footballing rivalry in the world, just ahead of Argentina's Boca Juniors v River Plate (SuperClasico) and the Old Firm derby in Glasgow between the Roman Catholics of Celtic and the Protestant Rangers (who have just been sent to the bottom tier of Scottish football after financial problems).

El Clasico? Nowhere. That's because they're not LOCAL rivals. They don't both come from the same CITY. The first list below comprises only derbies between NEIGHBOURING sides. In fact, Barcelona SC v Emelec - the big "El Clásico del Astillero" clash in Ecuador - slots in at 11th.

AmaKhosi taking on the Buccaneers rates at just 30th on the FootballDerbies list - but that's still way ahead of the Manchester derby (44) and the Merseyside derby (49). Given the game on Saturday is a sell out and Soccer City has a capacity of 94,736, there is no question where the BIGGEST game will be this weekend.

The North London derby between Arsenal and Spurs, like the Real v Atletico Madrid clash, doesn't make the top 50.

Liverpool v Manchester United ranks top of their LOCAL DERBIES, while predictably El Clasico tops the list of national rivalries.

Here's their list... see what you think.


City Derbies

1 Fenerbahce - Galatasaray                             9.4

2 Boca Juniors - River Plate                             9.3

3 Celtic FC - Rangers FC                                9.1

4 Olympiakos Piraeus - Panathinaikos              8.6

5  AS Roma - Lazio Roma                               8.5

6 Flamengo - Fluminense                                  8.5

7 Red Star Belgrade - Partizan Belgrade           8.5

8 Al Ahly - Zamalek                                         8.4

9  Penarol - Nacional Montevideo                    8.3

10 Sevilla FC - Betis Sevilla                             8.2

11 Barcelona SC - Emelec                                 8

12 Benfica - Sporting Lisbon                              8

13 CSKA Sofia - Levski Sofia                           8

14 Genoa - Sampdoria                                       8

15   Gremio - Internacional                                 8

16 Independiente - Racing Club                          8

17  Olimpia - Cerro Porteno                               8

18  Palmeiras - Corinthians                                 8

19 Universidad de Chile - Colo Colo                  8

20 AC Milan - Inter Milan                                7.8

21 Aris Saloniki - PAOK Saloniki                     7.8

22 Aston Villa - Birmingham City                      7.8

23 Bolivar - The Strongest                                7.8

24 Esteghlal - Perspolis                                     7.8

25 Vasco da Gama - Flamengo                         7.8

26 Wydad - Raja                                              7.8

27 Zeljeznicar - FK Sarajevo                            7.8

28 Dinamo Bucharest - Steaua Bucharest          7.7

29 East Bengal - Mohun Bagan                         7.7

30 Orlando Pirates - Kaizer Chiefs               7.7

31 Rosario Central - Newell's Old Boys            7.7

32 Sao Paulo - Palmeiras                                  7.7

33 Atletico Mineiro - Cruzeiro                           7.6

34 Besiktas JK - Fenerbahce                            7.6

35 Alianza Lima - Universitario                          7.5

36 Fluminense - Botafogo                                  7.5

37 Galatasaray - Besiktas JK                            7.5

38 Panathinaikos - AEK Athens                        7.5

39 Velez Mostar - Zrinjski Mostar                   7.5

40 Atletico Paranaense - Coritiba                    7.4

41 Ferencvaros - Ujpest                      7.4

42 Gimnasia - Estudiantes                  7.4

43 Hearts - Hibernian                           7.4

44 Manchester United - Manchester City                   7.4

45 Universidad Catolica - Universidad de Chile                          7.4

46 AEK Athens - Olympiakos Piraeus                             7.3

47 Boavista - Porto                                7.3

48 Club Africain - Esperance                              7.3

49 Everton - Liverpool FC                    7.3

50 San Lorenzo - Huracan                   7.3

51 Wisla Krakow - Cracovia Krakow                                7.3

52 Arsenal - Tottenham Hotspur                     7.2

53 Atletico Nacional - Independiente Medellin                         7.2

54 America de Cali - Deportivo Cali                                 7.1

55 Karsiyaka - Goztepe                        7.1

56 LKS Lodz - Widzew Lodz                                7.1

57 Santa Fe - Millonarios                     7.1

58 AIK Stockholm - Djurgardens IF                                 7

59 Atletico Madrid - Real Madrid                     7

60 Bahia - Vitoria                    7

61 Brentford FC - QPR                          7

62 Djurgardens IF - Hammarby                        7

63 Maccabi Haifa - Hapoel Haifa                       7

64 Saprissa - Alajuelense                    7

65 Spartak Moscow - CSKA Moscow                              7

66 West Ham United - Millwall FC                   7

67 Apoel Nicosia - Omonia Nicosia                  6.8

68 Sheffield Wednesday - Sheffield United                               6.8

69 Lyn - Valerenga                                 6.7

70 Dundee FC - Dundee United                       6.6

                

  Local Derbies

1 Liverpool FC - Manchester United                            8

2 Saint Etienne - Olympique Lyon                                 8

3 Sunderland AFC - Newcastle United                        8

4 Schalke 04 - Borussia Dortmund                             7.8

5 Ipswich Town - Norwich City                                 7.7

6 Southampton - Portsmouth                                      7.6

7 Cardiff City - Swansea City                                     7.5

8 Deportivo de la Coruna - Celta de Vigo                   7.4

9 West Bromwich Albion - Aston Villa                        7.1

19 Wolves - West Bromwich Albion                           7.1

20 Blackburn Rovers - Burnley                                    7

               

Rivalries

1  Barcelona - Real Madrid                                8.9

2 Hajduk Split - Dinamo Zagreb                         8.6

3 Ajax - Feyenoord                                            8.4

4 Paris St. Germain - Olympique Marseille          8.3

5  Chivas - America                                            8

6 Arsenal - Manchester United                            7.8

7 Trabzonspor - Fenerbahce                               7.6

8 Porto - Benfica                                                7.5

9 Panathinaikos - PAOK Saloniki                       7.3

10 PAOK Saloniki - Olympiakos Piraeus           7.3

11 PSV Eindhoven - Ajax                                  7.3

12 Anderlecht - Club Brugge                             7.2

13 Feyenoord - PSV Eindhoven                        7

14 PAOK Saloniki - AEK Athens                     7

15 Sporting Lisbon - Porto                                7

16 Olimpija Ljubljana - NK Maribor                 6.5

17 Sydney FC - Melbourne Victory                 6

18 Kapaz - Neftci                                           5.8

Carlos Tevez: The case for his defence

Carlos Tevez. Disgraceful. Ridiculous. Disgusting. And those are just the nicer things they’re saying about the talented little Argentinian after he allegedly refused to play for Manchester City at Bayern Munich on Tuesday night.

Manager Roberto Mancini, who has had to deal with a fair few disgruntled players in his billionaire-infested dressing room over the past 18 months, says Tevez will never kick a ball for City again.

The former Liverpool and Scotland manager Graeme Souness sounded like he might have shot the bloke for his bizarre actions on the bench at the Allianz Stadion.

And yes, for a bloke paid £250,000-a-week, you’d expect better. At least a ten-minute burst, though it wouldn’t have made much of a difference on a night when City were comprehensively outplayed, one of those nights when they lost 2-0 and were lucky to get nil.

But I have a case for the defence Carlos Alberto Tévez, the 27-year-old from the mean streets of Ciudadela in Buenos Aires. Though he stands barely 5ft 8in (1.73m) high, he somehow survived the toughest of upbringings in the distinctly dodgy neighbourhood of Ejército de Los Andes, known as "Fuerte Apache". And he grew up to become "El Apache" with his elaborate skills attracting the attention of Boca Juniors.

Scarred by boiling water as a child – he was in intensive care for two months after the incident – Tevez refuses to have cosmetic surgery when he made it as a young professional. When Boca Juniors offered a cosmetic surgeon, he said simply: “My scars are part of who I am.”

But other, less obvious scars remain. As a youngster, Tevez found himself in a difficult position in those early years in Argentina. So along came a company called Media Sports Investments, and an Iranian-born agent called Kia Joorabchian.

Both Tevez and his mate, Javier Mascherano, suddenly found the money pouring in... but at a price. Joorabchian and his company now owned the pair’s registrations. Against all FIFA regulations, Tevez had effectively had his footballing soul purchased.

The rest is history. The controversial loan move to West Ham United from Brazilian club Corinthians, where he had been named player of the season. A difficult start in London, but then the goals which saved the Hammers from relegation in 2007. Remember all that? The last-gasp goal against Manchester United. Salvation. The furore when it was discovered West Ham didn’t actually own his registration.

Sheffield United tried to sue, the FA looked generally confused, FIFA made statements... and Manchester United quietly moved in for Tevez, while Mascherano sloped off to Liverpool... and eventually Barcelona.

Though successful with United, Tevez then made the shock move across the great divide to Manchester City amid further stormy headlines and, worse, angry frowns from Sir Alex Ferguson.

Why did he make the move? Simple. The poor bloke is still run by Joorabchian. He still gets a cut. When Tevez demanded a transfer over the summer – despite a fine season at Eastlands last season – what did we find? A certain Kia Joorabchian telling us: “Everybody is working to make this happen, me, Corinthians, Tevez and Adrian Ruocco (another of Tevez’s representatives). It is impossible to determine the situation, but I think it’s close.”

I didn’t happen of course. But given the week’s events, it might now. And that’s my defence of Tevez. Yes, he should be raring to play at every opportunity for a club that pays him all that money. But he claims there was a misunderstanding... and he’s got Kia Joorabchian plotting his every move.

A couple of weeks ago, after claiming Tevez wanted to be closer to his wife and family in Argentina, Joorabchian claimed he nearly pulled off a swap deal, with Wesley Sneider moving to City and Tevez to Inter Milan.

That didn’t happen either. But Joorabchian, explaining why Mrs Tevez and the kids might be happier in Milan than Manchester, insisted: “Carlos is the kind of player who adapts everywhere he goes. He adapts to every league and has won every major domestic competition he has ever played in. He himself has no problem with Manchester but, culturally, Milan or Spain would be easier for the wife to adapt to.”

Really? Or is this all about money. And the share of the transfer and wage negotiations which will go the way of Mr Joorabchian.

That shame of it is, Tevez is one of the finest talents to appear in the Premier League. But from where I sit, his career has been blighted by what amounts to being footballing slavery.

And for that reason, I find it hard to condemn the man.

Small people in New Zealand beware: Martin Johnson steps in to defend dwarf-throwing Mike Tindall, note drink driving convictions at foot of story‏

England's dwarf-throwing, drink-driving, Kiwi-loving Mike Tindall. What a man. Asked last night if the press attention after his post-Argentina foray in Dunedin had bothered him: "Not really, no."

And it gets better. When curious journalists tried to get Mr Zara Phillips to talk about the pressure he’s been under on the front pages back home, boss Martin Johnson, all 6ft 7in of him, stepped in and stopped the line of questioning with some gusto before Saturday’s Group B clash against minnows Romania.

It was Sky’s experienced rugby follower Phil Edwards who had the guts to ask Tindall (that’s “shamed Tindall” according to today’s Sun in England): “Since captaining England in that opening game we’ve not heard much from you Mike, must have been a bit challenging at times.”

Tindall, deadpan, responded with all the experience a 32-year-old with a 2003 World Cup winners’ medal and 63 caps can muster: “Not really, no. I’m just disappointed I didn’t get a run out against Georgia.”

Pressed further, Tindall – who missed the last World Cup in France with a broken leg - said: “You want to play every game and I was disappointed I didn't get a run out last weekend but you work hard and hope you get picked by the coach every week. It is as simple as that."

And when Edwards, a veteran broadcaster who has covered four World Cups, asked if Tindall’s form might be affected with his wife Zara on her way to the England camp after some tears in Ireland last week, the 2003 World Cup-winning centre grinned: “I hope my own game’s fine.”

And that’s when big, bad Martin put his oar in, with a gruff: “Put it to bed mate.”

When Edwards tried to press things further, arguing that the story would run and run if questions weren’t answered, Johnson growled: “Phil, we’re looking forward to a big game against Romania. I said to you last week what happened. We had this conversation last week, we’ve played a game since then. If you’ve got any questions about that, we’re happy to answer them.

“We’ve moved on. I said what we said last week, we had a long press conference about it. We’ve all moved on.”

Back in the Sky studio, former England scrum-half and rugby analyst Dewi Morris refused to back colleague Edwards. He said: “Martin Johnson, rightly or wrongly, allowed the guys to go out for a drink.

“I think rightly. Martin has treated them as responsible adults, one or two have let them down. I don’t think there’s a story in it.”

Wales-born Morris, who played 26 times for England between 1988 and 1995, added: “As far as people going out for a drink, that’s it. We did it. We didn’t get the same publicity.

“I’m more interested in what Martin Johnson’s going to do against Romania.”

But if you’re of a certain height or are a New Zealander with breasts, it might be best not to go out in Dunedin on Saturday night. Just a thought.

What Wikipedia tells us about Michael James Tindall, MBE: On 21 December 2010 it was announced that he was engaged to Zara Phillips, the daughter of the Princess Royal, and her first husband Captain Mark Phillips. Phillips is the granddaughter of the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh. The wedding was held on 30 July 2011 at Canongate Kirk in Edinburgh with the attendance of all senior members of the Royal Family.

Tindall has two convictions for drink driving.^[10] In 2000 he was disqualified for 16 months (a period which was in excess of the obligatory 12 month disqualification for a first offence).^[11] On 15 March 2008, following a day out at Cheltenham Racing Festival with Phillips, Tindall was stopped by Gloucestershire Police on the M4 motorway and required to take a breath test. In consequence, on 8 January 2009 he was disqualified from driving for three years and fined £500 for drink driving, with £75 costs.