HANDS OFF TINKLER! Orlando Pirates produce a tactical master class in Egypt. And that's FINAL

The eternal caretaker: Eric Tinkler

RARELY has a successful continental campaign been so roundly condemned. Orlando Pirates astonishing trip to the CAF Confederations Cup final has confounded the Buccaneers’ one-eyed fans and stunned the media critics.

For months, the Ghost have haunted Eric Tinkler, the fall guy in a soap opera that has featured Roger de Sa and Vladimir Vermezovic over a torrid two year spell.

Ever since Irvin Khoza got rid of Ruud Krol just as he produced the first treble for Pirates, the Orlando giants have been weaving about all over the place.

Sure, Julio Leal and Augusto Palacios went on to claim a second treble (with a bit of help from one Benni McCarthy), then along came De Sa to engineer a run to the Champions League final which ended, as things normally do, in Egypt.

But Roger was never loved. He decamped to Cape Town and his assistant Tinkler played second fiddle to VV, the man who leaves players and fans in tears from Baragwanath to Belgrade.

When Khoza finally accepted the inevitable, Vlad the Sad was sent home and Tinkler took over as the eternal caretaker.

He pulled them out of the mire domestically and somehow managed to secure the Sea Robbers a place on the ship marked: Confederations Cup qualifiers.

And all winter, Tinkler has had to drag his weary men through the endless rounds of African football, with detoured flights and strange hotels, dusty training pitches and angry foreign crowds.

But against all the odds, Eric pushed in to the group stages and trailed Zamalek in to the semi-finals, a brand new innovation for the Confed Cup this season.

Now 45, Tinkler was a nuggety midfielder in the English top flight with Barnsley in his day. Unlike many South African coaches (and media analysts), he’s been there and played in Europe. While he struggled to produce results in the PSL, the African crusade went on…and on.

And so to the semi-final second leg at Suez on Sunday night. With Zamalek going out to Tunisia’s Etoile du Sahel on Saturday, Al Ahly appeared to ignore the restrictions on the crowd and a lot more than the expected 2000 squeezed in to offer their support.

On the social networks, Tinkler was a dead man. A difficult first half had Pirates fans calling for his head. But hold on, said I, this is the plan. Even at 1-0 down, it was no disaster when half-time came.

I said he’d bring on Kermit Erasmus after 10mins and Tinkler did just that. Even though Al Ahly had scored a second goal, it didn’t matter. The crucial away goal on top of the 1-0 first leg win at Orlando meant that, when Erasmus scored his cracker not long after coming on, Pirates were in front.

And Al Ahly began to panic. They threw everything forward, trying to add to Malick Evouna’s brace. But it was Pirates who struck. Thami Gabuza’s deflected effort just about finished them off. Roving full-back Thabo Matlaba added a third.

And when Al Ahly scored their third, Thabo Rakhale, another shrewd Tinkler sub, popped up to make it 4-3 on the night, 5-3 on aggregate. Time up. 

When did ANY club score FOUR in Egypt? With Mamelodi Sundowns and Kaizer Chiefs going out before the Group Stages in the African Champions League, this wasn’t just a tactical master-class from Tinkler, it was a BLOODY MIRACLE.

And suddenly the social networks were as quiet as Al Ahly’s “banned” fans. Sir Eric Tinkler, take a bow. The critics are well and truly confounded. Jaust glad I was never one of them!

The curious tale of Orlando Pirates: champions of self-destruction and bounce-backability

The happy couple: the awkward meeting of VV and Dr Khoza

In all my travels, all my reading, all my enthusiastic football watching on five continents, I have never come across a club quite like Orlando Pirates FC.

The Buccaneers.  The Sea Robbers. The Happy People. Love and Peace. Once, Always. Before former player Kaizer Motaung came along with his Chiefs, they were the biggest and the best in South Africa. And long after that, in the post-democracy dream year 1995, they became the nation’s once and only winners of the African Champions League, reaching the final again last year.

Ah, the history. Founded in 1937 with the skull and crossbones logo (though, anachronistically, I’m told Orlando Boys Club were styled after the 1940 Errol Flynn film “The Sea Hawk”), run by modern-day Pirate Irvin Khoza, a team of trebles and sinister forces, incredible cup runs and inexplicable exchanges of both players and coaches.


I've been asked to highlight the key problems many times on the social networks. Here it is in a sentence: Dr Khoza only appoints coaches who he can control, men desperate for a another crack at the big time. Amazingly, it's worked quite well at times.

Do that make them rebellious? Reckless? It’s not as if the Soweto suburb of Orlando derived its name from a famous maverick. That particular area of the South Western Townships was named after Edwin Orlando Leake, Mayor of Johannesburg from 1925 to 1926.

I wrote a history of Soweto for my friend Vuyo Dewati a few years ago and had a look at “Mr Orlando” and his past. He wasn’t a bad fellow for a chairman of “Native Affairs”. He built two-bedroomed houses for the working class in 1932 with the intention of creating “a model township”.  Judge the result for yourself: vibrant hub or matchbox houses, you see what you choose to see when you visit their recently refurbished stadium.

There are more glamorous ways of looking at it. In Italian, Orlando means “fair land” (in English, Roland), Shakespeare named one of his “As You Like It” characters the Italian way; the city in Florida also has its buccaneers and by coincidence Hollywood even made Orlando Bloom one of their Pirates of the Caribbean.

But it's not really about the name. It’s the club and those bitter but beautiful Bucca Bucca fans of the modern post-World Cup era which must be addressed here.

Under “Dr” Khoza, the black-and-white half of Soweto is both self-destructive and bounce-backable: when they won their first treble under Dutch legend Ruud Krol in 2011 instead of celebrating a true resurgency they chose to sack the boss and draft in Julio Cesar Leal, because his brother was involved with the Brazilians running  Bafana Bafana at the time.

Incredibly, with Peruvian youth coach Augusto Palacios taking over from Leal in March, 2012, they went on to win a second successive treble the very next season, despite huge upheaval, mainly thanks to the controversial return to South Africa of record-breaking striker Benni McCarthy, who had been thrown out of Premier League club West Ham for being overweight.

Winners of the South African championship NINE times (NPSL 1971, 1973, 1975, 1976, NSL 1994; PSL 2001, 2003, 2011, 2012), Palacios only lasted six months despite his triumphs, with Roger de Sa – thrown out by Wits and in a dreadful state personally – the shock replacement.

But De Sa also defied the odds despite the mysterious departure of McCarthy, who forgot to tell the chairman he was leaving. #rogerthat took the club to the African Champions League final and after leading the initial recovery from relegation he headed south to Ajax Cape Town, where he has achieved minor miracles this season with a bunch of kids.

A picture tells a thousand words: Vermecovic

Incredibly, Dr Khoza ignored all precedent again when he named De Sa’s replacement in February this year: unemployed Serbian Vladimir Vermecovic, sacked by arch-rivals Kaizer Chiefs in 2012, was signed up and we waited for his work permit with some trepidation as caretaker Tinkler kept the ship afloat.

Under VV, a harsh, unforgiving coach, Pirates have continued the incredible cup exploits they began under De Sa. They have reached the final of the last FIVE knock-out competitions entered, winning the Nedbank Cup at the end of last season but losing the MTN8 at the last hurdle this term. Despite my best efforts I have NEVER heard of a club ANYWHERE reaching FIVE successive cup finals.

Despite huge criticism, VV took the side to second in the PSL before last week’s unfortunate defeat against Clive Barker’s Mpumalanga Black Aces. After his hard-fought 2-1 win, the delightful Barker, a sprightly 70, could be heard post-match saying to VV: "You're still a young man. You'll go all the way." Vlad appeared far more concerned about going away altogether.

Anybody would think the Buccaneers were heading for the relegation trap-door the way the fans reacted. #VVout was trending on twitter. His stubborn failure to select Kermit Erasmus and Lehlohonolo Majoro together in his starting line-up has proved hugely unpopular. Even the unbeatable Bafana Bafana captain Senzo Meyiwa in goal took more flak than President Zuma threatening to build a second homestead.

Incredible stuff. Your side are SECOND in the league. They’ve reached FIVE consecutive cup finals. And the entire side were lambasted over a single result. Nobody escape the wave of ire from the Bucca Bucca fans. There were even threats to lynch VV and a constant stream of tweets purporting to herald his return to Belgrade.

But it’s not suprising. A quick review of Dr Khoza’s decisions explain all. Krol, Leal, Palacios, De Sa, caretaker Eric Tinkler and VV were all strange decisions. Huge risks. And we all know about the “sinister” selection process with Floyd Mbele and Screamer Tshabalala pulling the strings behind the scenes while the coach pulls his hair out.

Good youngsters leave, uncontracted veterans stay; Majoro’s arrival, having signed for SuperSport United, went uninvestigated while Tlou Segolela is scoring for the reserves despite a big salary, Lennox Bacela has been forgotten and the back-four failures are now compounded by Rooi Mahamutsa’s apparent fall from grace.

Anybody remember how Andile Jali left for Belgium? When the club put out a message saying he’d gone AWOL? Like I said, I’ve never known a club like Orlando Pirates.

The problem is, Pirates are run by the same man who runs the PSL and – until Danny Jordaan’s election as President – the South African Football Association. There is a perception Pirates can do as they like. Repeated fan problems are brushed under the carpet. Dr Khoza, who apparently now has a blood link to Bobby Motaung at Chiefs (as well as President Zuma), simply keeps the big sponsors backing the Soweto giants.

Khoza knows he can appoint who he wants to run the club, all will be fine. His son Nkosana, destined to take over a club that changed hands under strange circumstances in the early 1990s; is waiting in the wings as his father’s business empire grows in to other sectors and far-flung northern nations.

Let VV do as he wishes. If the noise gets too loud, he’ll find another coach. Dr Khoza is a gambler, a big wheel. Vodacom, Carling and ABSA aren’t really interested in who wins what, only the grand Soweto giants count.

As one of their former coaches (we dare not name him) told me: “Every coach Pirates appoint would resign after a month if it wasn’t for the fact the club is run by Dr Khoza. Orlando Pirates is the hottest hot seat you’ll ever sit in.”

It won’t change. Any critique of Dr Khoza is met with fury and even death threats on the social networks. Pirates might surge to the championship or slip down in to the doldrums under VV. It’s hard to tell given his unforgiving, tactically cautious approach which has seen the excellent Oupa Manyisa reduced to a shadow of his foraging self.

Either way, Orlando Pirates will be fine. The money will come pouring in. Whether the fans like it or not. They haven’t mattered for quite a while. And they haven't turned up in numbers for a some time.

HISTORICAL ANALYSIS: The BBC's take on Dr Irvin Khoza:  http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/africa/4085683.stm and http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/africa/2188671.stm

A shorter version of this story will appear as my Neal and Pray column in www.thenewage.com. 

TWO SHOCKERS FOR SOUTH AFRICAN FOOTBALL: VV installed by Orlando Pirates, Khune signs for Rooney agent Stretford

Tough choice: Vermezovic

Two shocking South African football stories broke this morning: first South Africa's top goalkeeper Itumeleng Khune announced he had signed for English agent Paul Stretford's Triple S Group, then Orlando Pirates said they'd appointed former Kaizer Chiefs boss Vladimir Vladimir Vermezović on a three-year deal to replace Roger de Sa.

Stunned isn't quite the word. Both stories are remarkable.

Here's the tweet from @iikhune_32_16 yesterday: "@dhl10 @WayneRooney @Kennethshep2 @MrGunny1963 Good to be part of the #TripleS family!"

Stretford’s Triple S Sports and Entertainment Group was formed after he left his previous agency Proactive over "huge and irreconcilable differences" involving FA misconduct charges and huge amounts of money surrounding Wayne Rooney’s transfer from Everton to Manchester United.

Stretford runs the agency with controversial former Newcastle United chairman Freddie Shepherd and his son Robert. Having left South African agent Jazzman Mahlakgane and spent six months with local agency MSC Sport, Khune is clearly at his wits' end when it comes to that big overseas move.

Sir Alex Ferguson once said: Stretford “was not the most popular man in the world – certainly at our club" when he tried to lure Rooney away from Old Trafford in October 2010.

Perhaps spurred by Andile Jali’s move to Belgium’s KV Oostende, Khune has clearly decided his only hope of playing in Europe is to sign for Stretford and his merry men. Best of luck with that, Itu. Stretford certainly fights hard for what he wants.

Even more shocking was THIS (complete with spelling mistakes, it’s Vermezović not Vermezonic) on the official Orlando Pirates website:

Orlando Pirates is pleased to announce the appointment of Vladimir Vermezonic as Head Coach.

VV has sgned a three year contract with the Club and is expected to start as soon as he gets his work permit. 

‘’I have unfinished business in South Africa. Orlando Pirates, a giant in African football, is offering me an opportunity to fulfil a dream of a lifetime. I am grateful for the opportunity” said Vladimir Vermezonic.

“I have had to study Orlando Pirates very closely from the other side. I am therefore not coming into an unknown environment. It should help because I know the supporters expect me to hit the deck running” added Vladimir Vermezonic.

“VV is not new to the South African condition. His hunger and discipline is impressive.” Dr Khoza, Orlando Pirates Football Chairman commented.

“In football, we are in the business of creating memories, history and leaving behind legacies that inspire generations to come. Coaches have become as much a part of this phenomenon as players. I wish VV a memorable and noteworthy career at Orlando Pirates Football Club” added Dr Khoza.

The Orlando Pirates Chairman, Dr Irivin Khoza, heaped praise and gratitude to the club’s assistant coach Eric Tinkler, who stepped in as caretaker coach when Roger De Sa resigned unexpectedly.

He said, “Eric is a ‘can do’ man that would rather fail doing rather than provide excuses. His work ethic is commendable. His commitment and hard work is not going unnoticed, I am confirming that Eric will continue in his role as assistant coach of Orlando Pirates Football Club”, concluded Dr Khoza.

Quite how the notorious VV, who left at least three Kaizer Chiefs stars in floods of tears during his largely unsuccessful time at Naturena from 2009-12 (a period during which arch-rivals Pirates won TWO TREBLES, he won the Telkom KO in 2009 and 2010) is supposed to solve the Buccaneers’ problems I’m not sure.

The 50-year-old Serbian is certainly renowned as a tough guy. With Stanley “Screamer” Shabalala and Floyd Mbele pulling the strings at a club which is imbued with what veteran captain Lucky Lekgwathi calls “sinister forces”, it’s going to be extremely tough.

VV returned to Partizan Belgrade when he left Chiefs in 2012 and after taking them to the top of the table he suffered a slump and was sacked in April 2013.

Just last week Dr Irvin Khoza was telling us the appointment of a new coach to succeed Roger de Sa was “not a priority”. My thought was that VV was a rushed appointment as Tinkler was about to decamp to Ajax Cape Town with his old mentor De Sa.

But De Sa is no closer to moving 1000km south and Tinkler has been assured he will stay on as VV’s number two. Very strange.

But hey. No room for more defamation suits. Best of luck Itu and VV. I think you may both need it!


BREAKING: here's the Bafana squad to play Brazil on March 5, Khune understudy is SuperSport United's Ronwen Williams, Thabo Nthethe remains in place after his move from Bloemfontein Celtic to Mamelodi Sundowns but no sign of Tower Mathoho or Tefu MashaMIGHTY, Bournemouth's Tokelo Rantie gets the call up front:

Goalkeepers: Khune, Williams
Defenders: Nthethe, Khumalo, Mkhwanazi, Xulu, Ngcongca, Mokeke, Matlaba
Midfielders: Furman, Dikgacoi, Tshabalala, Claasen, Serero, Jali, Manyisa, Patosi, Mbatha, Zungu, Kekana
Strikers: Parker, Rantie, Ndlovu


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Given the choice between Palacios, Vermezovic and Komphela, who would you choose?

The biggest question in South African football is the simplest one of all: presented with Vladimir Vermezovic, Augusto Palacios and Steve Komphela, who would YOU choose to coach your football club?

Not difficult is it? Kaizer Chiefs boss VV isn’t that bad. He produces answers we can understand without sub-titles, though the Serbian has yet to explain satisfactorily the curious absence of midfielder Tinashe Nengomasha in recent weeks, following an alleged training-ground bust-up.

Lehlohonolo Majoro's four-goal Nedbank Cup blitz against the Leopards at the weekend certainly did VV no harm. The lad with "balz" now has eight goals in seven games and may just turn things around for the patient Amakhosi millions.

Palacios, the Peruvian caretaker at Orlando Pirates, remains difficult to read or listen to. His tactical decisions in the Buccaneers’ 2-1 extra-time Nedbank Cup defeat against Komphela’s Free State Stars were hard to fathom, just like those of his suspended Brazilian predecessor Julio Leal. He gained measure of revenge in the League game against Komphela’s men, but I’m still not convinced.

And then we have Komphela and his little Stars of Bethlehem. Not only has the former Amakhosi midfielder produced a multi-national company to be proud of in South Africa’s remote “House of Bread”, he also gives a cracking interview – and was able to raise his shell-shocked troops to victory in extra-time after the late, late equaliser from Daine Klaite last week.

The Nedbank Cup quarter-final against Kaizer Chiefs now looms for “Ea Lla Kotto” (Basotho for ”fight to the end”) and even a possible title tilt, though the three Soweto giants – never forget Moroka Swallows - and Johan Neeskens’ currently impregnable Sundowns stand firmly in their way.

The point is this: With Palacios is temporary charge at Pirates and VV under huge pressure at Chiefs, surely Komphela should be the coach of choice for Irvin Khoza and Kaizer Motaung, South Africa’s footballing king-makers?

It’s not like this is a new story. Google “Neal Collins Free State Stars” and you’ll find http://neal-collins.blogspot.com/2011/12/o-little-town-of-bethlehem-all-you-ever.html, my pre-Christmas epic which wrapped up and presented Komphela’s men, including Zambia’s Afcon winning goalkeeper Kennedy Mweena and top-scorer Edward Manqela two weeks before Santa popped down the chimney.

Curiously, Kaizer and his son Bobby have emphatically denied any link between their family business and Komphela, who served under Bafana Bafana boss Palacios a full 20 years ago.

All the talk is of Bloemfontein Celtic coach Clinton Larsen or Germany’s 1990 World Cup-winning captain Lothar Mathaus heading for the big time, with former Pirates’ treble-winning boss Ruud Krol waiting in the wings with his notebook and pen resplendent at so many SAPL matches this season.

Madness. In a nation crying out for local coaches of quality at all levels, Komphela, who played 24 times for South Africa in a playing career which covered Chiefs, Stars and two stints in Turkey, stands out like a sore but prominent thumb.

His post-match interview on Saturday was a thing of beauty, as it so often is with the philosophical Komphela.

He generously paid tribute to the Buccaneers who walked the plank in a cup competition for the first time since 2010, saying: “There was a moment when I felt that it was not meant to be our night (that was probably in the inexplicable 5^th minute of injury time when Klaite’s free-kick found a route past the miserly Mweene) but my players showed great fighting spirit.

“We knew the Pirates profile. We knew they were dangerous. My team’s performance was close to perfection. It had to be.”

Despite a subsequent Rantie/McCarthy inspired defeat on the cabbage patch that is the Orlando Stadium, Komphela remains an over-achiever this season.

As for his relationship with then-national boss Palacios in 1992, Khompela grinned: “I remember well how Augusto made me captain of the national team. It was Palacios who introduced me to leadership – so it was interesting to achieve victory against my leader, my mentor, my coach.

“Augusto came up to me before he game and said: ‘We have to kill each other today,’ but no son can be happy murdering his father. We just scored beautiful goals.”

Read it carefully. This man Khomphela has the verbal acumen of Tottenham’s Harry Redknapp and, arguably, the recuperational skills of Sunderland’s Martin O’Neill. Give him the longevity in management offered to Sir Alex Ferguson or Arsene Wenger, and South Africa will have a coach to conjure with.

NEDBANK CUP QUARTER-FINAL DRAW:
Amazulu (my choice) v Santos
Kaizer Chiefs v Free State Stars
SuperSport United v Jomo Cosmos
Mamelodi Sundowns v Maritzburg United

This column first appeared in www.thenewage.co.za. A newspaper well worth a read… my column Neal and Pray appears every Tuesday… and it’s only R3.50!

Too many Chiefs for Celtic, but did VV go too far in his post-match critique?

EITHER Vladimir Vermezovic isn't very clever, or he's incredibly brave. You decide. After Kaizer Chiefs' emphatic 2-0 win over Bloemfontein Celtic last night, his frankness was almost alarming.
Despite completely outplaying a useful Celtic outfit, he felt compelled to tell the world on Supersport after the final whistle:"I am not satisfied. The biggest problem is that our guys are not killers. We missed so many chances. I mean, there were opportunities where it would have been easier to miss than to score.
"What can a coach do when they miss chances like that? Next time, those chances may be what win us the game. I am very unhappy. We missed those chances when we were 2-0 up today. But what if we miss chances when it is 0-0?
"I will talk to my players but I am not satisfied."
Fascinating. He wants a gang of killers - and you've got to wonder if he was referring to Sundowns' Katlego Mphela, the Premiership's current joint top scorer.
Personally, I thought Chiefs were dominant in every department including finishing last night. Itumeleng Khune is getting his sharpness back, they were resolute in defence and the midfield functioned well despite the continued absence of Tinashe Nengomasha, the General in the middle of the park. More about him later.
Lucky Baloyi's goal on the half-hour from 30 yards was magnificent, and Lehlohonolo Majoro made the game safe - the former Amazulu striker is looking increasingly adept.
Though Baloyi could have scored at least two more and Bernard Parker toiled in front of goal once more, it was top referee Daniel Bennett's decision not to issue Thabani Stemmer with a red card that was the real talking point.
Watching the excellent SuperSport analyst Thomas Mlambo discuss that decision - and the third minute red card which ruined Ajax Cape Town's night against Free State Stars - was entertainment enough for anybody.
The Celtic goalkeeper was well out of his box when he reached out an arm to deny Siphiwe Tashablala a clear scoring chance with no defender in the offing. Clear red card, but the usually impeccable Bennett went for yellow. Perhaps he's colour blind or somebody had shuffled his the pack of cards in his pocket.
Perhaps VV could have focused on that decision, and allowed his players the chance to bask in a comfortable victory which puts them back in contention at fourth in the Absa Premiership. But no, he preferred to lash his hapless players for their profligacy in front of goal.
Strange. I was at a packed Loftus Versfeld on Tuesday night where goal-scoring was simply not on the agenda. Bad finishing? Ask league leaders Sundowns and champions Orlando Pirates about that. With 60,000 begging for a goal on a night of amazing atmosphere, neither side was able to produce a finish in a 0-0 draw which suited the Downs more than the Buccaneers.
And how about SuperSports United? They went in to the Christmas break looking like contenders, but a distinct lack of firepower has left Gavin Hunt's side looking like desperate also-rans after another 0-0 stalemate yesterday.
Thing is, of course, Serbian struggler VV must know his players are unhappy. His bust-up with Nengomasha appears to be ongoing - originally ruled out of the Soweto derby with injury, he is now officially suspended and didn't play last night - and the past problems with ex-captain Jimmy Tau, Josta Dladla and Abia Nale are now a matter of history.
The New Age, a paper worth picking up (especially as I now have a column running in it) ran this anonymous text message from a senior Chiefs player:"We cannot stand this guy VV. He is rude and abusive and I don't understand why the management is doing nothing as they are aware of our grievances with the coach."
Three weeks ago, I was made aware of similar sentiments in the Orlando Pirates camp. I wrote all about it on this site. Just like Itumeleng Khune today, Monieb Josephs came out and said all was well between the players and the coach. Khune told kickoff.com today: "We laugh it off. People are trying to destabilise the club." Josephs said almost exactly that when rumours surrounded his coach. Two weeks later, Julio Leal was suspended and replaced by Augusto Palacios.
VV should tread warily. He may be going the same way. With three points in the bag last night, he may have been better off not behaving like Sir Alex Ferguson.
Fergie has his players under control. VV clearly doesn't.

Itumeleng Khune: South Africa's mysterious disappearing goalkeeper. Anybody seen him?

Remember me? Itumeleng Khune, SA's No1

Has anybody seen Kaizer Chiefs goalkeeper Itumeleng Khune? I mean, actually seen him as opposed to reading a club statement about his current state of fitness? It's been over two months. And apparently he's going to "start training on his own in January, with a comeback in February."
While all eyes in South African football were on last night’s Telkom Knock-out final which saw Orlando Pirates crush Wits 3-1 (Daine Klate, Port Elizabeth's greatest footballing export, take a bow), rival Kaizer Chiefs fans have spent recent weeks – no, months - wondering what has happened to Khune, South Africa’s first choice goalkeeper during the World Cup here last year. Brilliant reflex keeper, superb distributor, wanted by Nottingham Forest last I heard.

But he's gone. Vanished off the face of the earth. If you're out there mate, email me: nealcollins@hotmail.com. No questions asked.

In a nation which boasts, according to marketing estimates, 14 million ardent Amakhosi fans, the gold-and-black brand has been having serious problems. A storm over Jimmy Tau’s captaincy was followed by accusations of nepotism against Kaizer Motaung’s family-run business. And then Khune went AWOL days after being castigated for wasting time in South Africa’s catastrophic 0-0 draw against Sierra Leone on October 8, at around the same time the Amakhosi's general manager Bobby "CV" Motuang was announcing him as their new captain.

Roused by a squeaky 1-0 win over Mamelodi Sundowns last Sunday, head coach Vladimir Vermezovic is only too aware how much his side needs a consistent No1.

Last week at Loftus Versfeld, that man was Arthur Bartman, a 39-year-old journeyman whose career started at African Wanderers way back in 1995. Man of the match for a series of astounding saves, Vermezovic claimed Bartman was in discussions with Chiefs over a new contract.

Worryingly, that’s the first Bartman had heard of those talks, though he's now apparently considering signing on for another season.

So while VV, under huge pressure before last week’s win over a Sundowns side hunting top spot, promises: “We will go all out for the title,” discriminating Amakhosi fans are more worried about the sudden disappearance of Khune, the darling of Naturena as any regular reader of Twitter will attest (does SABC's model presenter @MinnieDlamini know where he is?).

With Chiefs currently fourth in the SAPL with 24 points from 14 games, VV said: “It is our main goal to win the title this season. It is not good for a big club like Chiefs to not have won the title for such a long time. We have made this our main objective this season.”

Of course they have. But while VV told the fans “I want to thank them for being our 12th player” concerns over Khune grow before the gold-and-black striped “Zebras” conclude their year against Free State Stars at Soccer City and AmaZulu in Durban.

All that is known is this. Khune was reported to have gone down with pneumonia on or about October 10, while questions over Bafana’s farcical failure to reach the African Nations Cup finals were still raging across the nation. Our last view of the mineworker’s son from Tshing near Ventersdorp was that sad dance the players engaged in, when SAFA still thought their boys had qualified for Gabon and Equatorial Guinea next year.

Then, over a month later, we were told Khune, the 24-year-old who grew up idolising South Africa’s cricketers, had a groin strain. In British football, a “groin strain” is often a spurious injury invented to hide deeper concerns over a player’s future. There was talk of an operation and a further two month hiatus.

As the mysterious disappearance deepened, the club released a statement on Khune last week – and claim he will be back in action some time in Febuary.

They do not mention whether he had surgery on that groin and quote him as saying: "I'm recovering well from my injury. I'm getting there. It is frustrating, but I guess each and every player has to go through this in his career at some point.

"I will be back sometime in February. In fact, I will return early in January to start training on my own and then join the rest of the team in February.”

And, apart from revealing both Khune and Siphiwe Tshabalala are currently negotiating new contracts, that’s it. Did they speak to him in person, or did Chiefs release a statement to ease concerns over their goalkeeper? And if he's fine, why are they thinking of adding 23-year-old  goalkeeper Carl Bauerrichter to a well-stocked glove compartment which already includes Kabelo Metsimetsi, Thela Ngobeni and Bartman (who is still mulling over that new contract)?

Either way, four sentences are not really enough to explain a five-month absence of South Africa's finest goalkeeper in my book. But get well soon, Itumeleng. The 14 million Amakhosi need you.

This story appeared in the exciting new Sunday newspaper Scoop! in South Africa yesterday. Have a look at www.scoopnews.co.za. And buy it every week.