The Scorpion kick: South Africa's Itumeleng Khune does a Rene Higuita, twenty years on. Don't try this at home!

STING IN THE TALE: Itumeleng Khune's Scorpion. Video of BOTH below

HERE it is, the Itumeleng Khune scorpion kick used by the Kaizer Chiefs goalkeeper against Mpumalanga Black Aces on Tuesday night (Oct 27, 2015).

In a clash of two unbeaten PSL clubs, Khune was voted Man of the Match for a series of superb saves - including a point blank header from top scorer Collins Mbesuma - which saw his club triumph 1-0.

But it was THIS MOMENT which has swept the football-speaking world.

Twenty years after Rene Higuita of Colombia stunned England fans with his effort at Wembley, Khune grinned afterwards: "I promised to do it in an official match… what a relief.”

Higuita produced his acrobatics (using two legs, not one) in a friendly... but Khune's cheeky clearance stunned the FNB Stadium, once known as Soccer City, venue of the 2010 World Cup.

Higuita used the kick to deny Jamie Redknapp's speculative effort in a dull 0-0 draw on 6 September 1995, while Khune produced his magic in a must-win clash at the top of South Africa's domestic league.

Khune's final word: "Every day you are blessed with opportunities to get better."

The Royal Marang Hotel: where England stayed and where Bafana Bafana are RIGHT NOW

Here it is, my World Cup 2010 video of the brand new Marang Hotel in Boshoek. England stayed there for the tournament in South Africa and Shakes Mashaba's Bafana Bafana are there this week as they prepare to fly out for their crucial AFCON 2015 qualifier against Congo at Pointe Noire.

WORLD CUP OPENING CEREMONY INJURY UPDATE: they're going for two up front as J-Lo breaks down in training but recovers to join Pitbull

Yes she is, no she isn't: Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull WILL join forces tonight after "technical" issues

It's tense. The big kick-off is approaching and the striking fulcrum's availability was in question. Yes, it's the traditional Opening Ceremony crisis for Brazil 2014. Jennifer Lopez went down in training but has apparently recovered (or so www.twitter.com/jlo would suggest) and Brazil will be going with two (or three) up front at their much-anticipated Opening Ceremony.

YOUR OPENING WORLD CUP VIEWING SCHEDULE TONIGHT (from 7pm CAT)

8pm: SABC and SuperSport faces waffle a bit

8.15: Over to Sao Paulo. Lots of noise and flags, loud music.

8.20: Sepp Blatter says something insincere, possibly suffering from flatulence.

8.25: Brazil gives Sepp's people lots of money, nobody's sure how much

8.30: The World Cup anthem "Ola Ola" (In English "Ono Ono") debuts

8.35: J-Lo goes down heavily, Pitbull gives her his famous "bite of life"

8.45: More noise. Bright lights. No fireworks apparently.

8.50: Ceremony ends. Brazilian workers hastily finish building the stadium.

8.55: Pitch laid.

9pm: Brazil and Croatia emerge with expensive World Cup balls

9.15: Carnival atmosphere on the streets sees police in riot gear called out.

9.30: SABC and SuperSport faces waffle a bit

9.50: Teams emerge for anthems. Tears.

10pm: Neymar falls over.

10.20: Fred misses.

11.10: Neymar falls over. Scores.

Midnight: A slightly flustered Brazil register an unimpressive win over Croatia.

Seriously, back at USA 94, Oprah Winfrey actually fell off the stage while introducing Diana Ross at Chicago's Soldier Field before the first North American World Cup. Then dead-shot Di actually mis-kicked her penalty - the ball was supposed to split in two when punted it in to the net but she missed, Stuart Pearce style. Even the greatest stars can get it wrong, ask Bernard Parker.

Twenty years later, Jennifer Lopez is doing a bit of a Cristiano Ronaldo on the anxious Brazilians before the New Corinthians Stadium opens with a blast at 8.15pm CAT (7.15pm in UK).

A crowd of 68,000 will assemble for the 25-minute Opening Ceremony, and with Lopez officially withdrawing ("technical difficulties") and then deciding she was fit, it looks like Pitbull, the bloke who opened the 2013 IPL, will have two partners, along with Brazilian Claudia Leitte.

The three of them will sing the 2014 official anthem "Ola Ola" ("We Are One") before turning the stage over the over 600 gymnasts, trampolinists and dancers. The official English version: "Ono Ono" ("We Haven't Won") will officially be sung for the first time after Roy Hodgson's troops play Italy on Saturday.

I jest. In truth, given their tradition of music, dancing and the slightly risqué Rio Carnival, we expect great things from Brazil before the tournament and during it, despite the protests, graffiti and late arriving stadia which have marked the World Cup build-up so far.

This bloke Pitbull (real name Armando Christian Pérez) appears to be the key player. Born in Miami to Cuban parents about 33 years ago, he made his name by going to number one in most countries around the world with Timber in 2011.

According to most biographies, Pitbull is a bit of a precocious Messi in rap terms amid claims he could juggle the poems of Cuba's national hero Jose Marti from the tender age of three. Apparently the self-confessed former drug dealer chose the stage name Pitbull because: "The Pitbull is too stupid to lose. They bite to lock. They're basically everything that I am. It's been a constant fight."

Wayne Rooney is allegedly changing his name to Dalmation sometime soon after his spotty performance for England, while Roy Hodgson will appear as Cocker Spaniel in Christmas pantomimes.

But seriously, with hosts Brazil kicking off their World Cup campaign at 10pm against Croatia, the nation needs a lift. There will be no fireworks at 7.15pm, so how it can possibly compete with South Africa's 2010 extravaganza is beyond me.

I have attended four World Cup opening and three Olympic opening ceremony. Sydney 2000 was the best I've seen. Fireworks are a must. Back in 1966, England paved the way with a bunch of schoolboys wearing waving flags. We've come a long way.

The bloke behind tonight's extravaganza is, as surprisingly as their current football team, a Belgian. Daphne Cornez insists (with an alarming lack of awareness of his own nation's rampant colonialism): "Tonight will be a tribute to Brazil and it's treasures: Nature, people, football."

Real treasures like gold and diamonds were, of  course, taken from Brazil by European "explorers" a few centuries years ago.

In good old imperialist fashion, Cornez adds: "All the participants at the opening ceremony are motivated. It doesn't matter whether they're tired or hot, if they have to go through their routines again and again, they just keep on smiling. Amazing people."

And on that note: have a great World Cup. Mark Fish, Comfort Khezwa and I will be previewing the World Cup (and opening ceremony) at 9am on...

SOCCERBALLZ! my innovative football show on www.ballz.co.za with Mark Fish airs every Thursday from 9am-11am. See Ballz' channel for our growing library of fascinating football interviews with the big names. Ballz will also provide daily World Cup updates from next week.

You can also follow me on www.twitter.com/nealcol for all the latest sports news and read my “Neal and Pray” column every Tuesday in www.thenewage.co.za.

OFFICIAL: For Uruguay, Italy and England, it's Group D for Death. Argentina have it easiest...South Africa would have been the WORST side there

Have mercy: Rio's statue of Christ looms over World Cup

Less than a week before the World Cup kicks off on Thursday night, we have a NEW GROUP OF DEATH.

We always knew it was going to be tough for Ghana at this World Cup. Drawn in Group G with Germany, Portugal and the USA, we suspected the Black Stars would struggle to finish in the top two after narrowly failing to reach the semi-finals in South Africa 2010.

But today we can reveal Group G is NOT QUITE as nasty as Group D (Uruguay, England, Italy and Costa Rica) as we count down to the 2014 World Cup tournament which starts with hosts Brazil v Croatia on Thursday.

There is only ONE scientific way to rate a World Cup qualification group. It goes like this: add up the combined FIFA rankings of the four sides involved. The highest score equals the EASIEST group, the lowest score suggests the MOST DIFFICULT pool (otherwise known as the GROUP OF DEATH).

With FIFA’s last set of rankings before the big kick-off released yesterday, now is the time to check just WHICH TEAMS have the easiest task when it comes to reaching the last 16.

On that basis, with Costa Rica up SIX places to 28^th and England moving up one while Portugal slipped a place to 4th in the latest rankings, Group D can now be classified as the toughest group with 54 points while Group G is the second hardest pool with a total of 56 points.

Argentina’s Group F – shared with Bosnia, Iran and Nigeria – is officially the easiest pool on 113 with Group H (Belgium, Algeria, Russia, South Korea) next easiest with a total world ranking of 109.

It’s also worth noting Group D contains the most top-ten teams (Three: Uruguay, Italy and England), while Group H (Belgium, Algeria, Russia, Korea Republic) offers no nation in that elite group.

The world’s top 15 teams are ALL involved, Ukraine (16^th) are the highest ranked nation failing to qualify. Denmark (23^rd) are the next highest-ranked failures followed by Slovenia (25^th) and, surprisingly, Scotland (27^th).

The lowest ranked team in the tournament is Australia at 62 with South Korea at 56. If South Africa, now ranked 65 after their draws against the Aussies and New Zealand last month, had qualified, they would have been officially the WORST team at the tournament.

GROUP BY GROUP

GROUP A

Brazil 3

Croatia 18

Mexico 20

Cameroon 56

TOTAL: 97

GROUP B

Spain 1

Netherlands 15

Chile 14

Australia 62

TOTAL: 92

GROUP C

Colombia 8

Greece 12

Cote D’Ivoire 23

Japan 46

TOTAL: 89

GROUP D

Uruguay 7

Costa Rica 28

England 10

Italy 9

TOTAL: 54

GROUP E

Switzerland 6

Ecuador 26

France 16

Honduras 33

TOTAL: 81

GROUP F

Argentina 5

Bosnia 21

Iran 43

Nigeria 44

TOTAL: 113

GROUP G

Germany 2

Portugal 4

Ghana 37

USA 13

TOTAL: 56

GROUP H

Belgium 11

Algeria 22

Russia 19

South Korea 57

TOTAL: 109 

Ghana's finest spells trouble for Ronaldo: yes the World Cup is here… and these are the 16 nations who will survive the opening cull

Doctors orders: Ronaldo's injury is apparently spiritual

THERE can be no better way to resume this writer's World Cup love affair. Let's deal first with the cracking tale about the Ghanaian witchdoctor who claims he has personally caused Cristiano Ronaldo's injury problems in the build-up to Brazil 2014.

The greatest sporting event in the world (shut up Olympians) gets underway next Thursday with the hosts taking on Croatia.


But for Africa, Ghana's fate is vital. One of their leading traditional practioners Nana Kwaku Bonsam is well aware of how important Portgual's No7 is in Group G.

Four short years ago in South Africa, Luis Suarez's hand denied Ghana a record-breaking place in the semi-finals of the Copa Mondiale. There cannot be a repeat. Dr Bonsam (apparently his full name means "Wednesday's Devil") has done his research. He knows Germany (2), Portugal (3) and the USA (14) are higher ranked than his own nation (38) and a little extra help may be required.

So on Wednesday when the Portuguese FA confirmed Ronaldo is still struggling with a muscle problem in his left thigh sustained in Real Madrid's Champions League-winning campaign, Dr Bonsam announced on a radio station in Kumasi: “I know all about Cristiano's injury, I’m working on him. I said four months ago I will work on Ronaldo seriously and rule him out of the World Cup or at least prevent him from playing against Ghana.

Beyond help: Ronaldo is a threat to Ghana

"The best thing I can do is give him an injury. I am very serious about it. Last weekend, I went around looking for four dogs and I got them to be used in manufacturing a special spirit called Kahwiri Kapam.

“This injury can never be cured by any medical doctor, they can never see what is causing the injury because it is spiritual. Today, it is his knee; tomorrow it is his thigh; next day it is something else."

Ghana play Portugal - reputed to be a bit of a one-man side by most pundits - in their final match of Group G in Brasilia on 26 June. We will find out then if the good doctor has made his muti count. Here in South Africa, we are not skeptical about these things. It's a serious matter.

Ah, four years ago. That opening goal of the first African World Cup scored by beautiful Kaizer Chiefs winger Simphiwe Tshabalala. An opening draw against Mexico. Hope alive… then the dark magic struck. Ironically it was Suarez and his golden-locked mate Diego Forlan who laid Bafana Bafana low.

Even victory against 1998 world champions France wasn't enough to put South Africa in to the last 16. For the first time in history, the hosts went out in the group stages. Ah, the pain.

Four years on, much has changed. I came to that World Cup fresh from working 4am-2pm in London, where a daily congestion charge of around R100 and a dull life were squeezing me dry. Four years on, I am free of colonialists who close successful newspapers, I have escaped calls from Sky News asking me to talk about skeleton bob-sleighing at 2am, I live in the nation where you can still see lions kill and the monthly etoll bill comes to less than a week of traveling in to London.


Unrestrained by ignorant editors and West Ham fans, I can write what I like. And this much needs to be said: South Africa should be at this World Cup. With Ethiopia docked three points in a qualification group that also featured Botswana and the Central African Republic, Bafana should at the very least have had a crack at the play-off against Nigeria.

Instead that magnificent headed own goal from Bernard Parker - the PSL's top scorer with 10 goals in a season which saw him last net in February - proves that muti is NOT dead in football.


Four years on, there is no Paul the octopus to amuse us. Yet. Apparently the aquatic prophet has gone to his own nirvana, known as "Calamari" in some quarters. I'm sure the Brazilians will pull out an indigenous golden lion tamarin to help us predict the outcome.


But what can be said, without reference to witchdoctors or, worse, Sammy Kuffour's labored predictions, is that NO EUROPEAN SIDE HAS EVER WON THE WORLD CUP IN LATIN AMERICA.


Four years ago, Germany were the best side on show, Holland gritted their way past Brazil in an epic come-from-behind quarter-final in Port Elizabeth… and Spain eventually won it, scoring just seven goals.


Those three European big guns are, naturally, back in Brazil. But this time we have the magical South Americans to throw at them on home soil. Chile, Colombia and Uruguay are there with the big guns, Brazil and Uruguay. Who dares to bet against the hosts after their Confederations Cup triumph?

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's settle for sorting out the qualifiers for the last 16, that vital first step.

Group A, Brazil and Mexico will qualify with Croatia and Cameroon - barring a remarkable revival from Samuel Eto'o - dropping out. Mexico needed a play-off against New Zealand to get to Brazil, Croatia could push them hard, though many will pray for the Cameroonionians.

Group B offers better news for Europe with champions Spain and  beaten 2010 finalists the Netherlands favored. Chile might spring a surprise, but having seen Australia draw 1-1 with a makeshift Bafana last week, it's two out of three.

Group C offers Africa's best hope of serious impact. Didier Drogba and Gervinho led the Cote D'Ivoire to a 2-1 victory over El Salvador in front of 18,000 in Texas last night after last week's unhappy warm-up defeat against Bosnia. The Ivory Coast - with the rested Yaya Toure at the forefront - are expected to progress with Colombia, Greece and Japan will go home.

Group D? England have never failed to reach the knock-out stages at the finals, but this time, surely Uruguay and Italy will test that record, with Costa Rica bringing up the rear. Mario Balotelli is reassuring on this: "England are not rivals to Italy. They cannot win the World Cup." Fact.

Group E is the weakest of the lot. Switzerland and France come up against Honduras and Ecuador, who drew 2-2 with England in Miami last night. Sure, the Swiss were the only side to beat Spain in 2010 and they enjoy a spectacularly high FIFA ranking, probably thanks to uncle Sepp. But I'll go for France and Ecuador.

Group F will no doubt be dominated by Argentina's top class strike force (we could even see Lionel Messi on the bench) with Bosnia, Nigeria and Iran fighting it out for second. Ironically, the two favorites to replace Gordon Igesund as South Africa's head coach will battle it out. Carlos Queiroz has worked miracles in Tehran while Steve Keshi has done much the same out of Lagos. I'm taking the 2013 AFCON winners and reigning African Champions to roar in to the last 16.

Group G is clearly the group of death, full of fatal threats. Any good witchdoctor will tell you Ghana need a bit of magic to finish in the top two with Germany, Portugal and the Americans to contend with. Sadly, I think Ghana may struggle against Europe's 2nd and 3rd best sides… unless Ronaldo is ruled out of course.

Group H sees everyone's new favorites Belgium (who should really thank a former colony once known as the Congo for a lot of their emerging talent) ready to go further than ever before with Algeria, Russia and South Korea in the battle, presumably, for second. Actually, though they have of big names these days, the Belgians are no certainty. This is probably the hardest group to call. Belgium and Russia? Probably.

So that's it. My final 16. Feel free to have a go if I get it all wrong. I pray an African side - probably the Ivory Coast - will reach the last four. But for me, it's all about who gets to the final with Brazil. Argentina, surely?

SOCCERBALLZ! my innovative football show on www.ballz.co.za with Mark Fish airs every Thursday from 9am-11am. See Ballz' channel for our growing library of fascinating football interviews with the big names. Ballz will also provide daily World Cup updates from next week.

You can also follow me on www.twitter.com/nealcol for all the latest sports news and read my “Neal and Pray” column every Tuesday in www.thenewage.co.za.

Squeaky bottom time in South Africa, Britain and Spain: the vital fixtures that could shape the season this weekend

Repeat performance? Stuart Baxter last season

IT'S going down to the wire. A tired footballing cliche, I know, but not one they're throwing about in Germany and Scotland right now.

While the Bundesliga and Scottish Premier were settled weeks ago, Spanish, British and South African football followers are just hitting crunch time - with three sides in the running in La Liga, the Premier League and the PSL.

South Africa's battle between Mamelodi Sundowns and champions Kaizer Chiefs could yet prove to be the closest of all, with the title decided on goal difference, as it was in 2011 when Orlando Pirates pipped Ajax Cape Town to secure their first treble.


Last night, just before Gareth Bale's sensational winner for Real Madrid in the El Clasico Copa Del Ray final against wilting Barcelona, Mzanzi's top three all cleared significant hurdles to stay in the running for the 2014 South African crown.


At Loftus, Sundowns could only carve out a 1-0 win over Clive Barker's in-form Mpumalanga Black Aces thanks to an early goal from Mozambiquan star Elias Pelembe. Afterwards Pitso Mosimane, now realistically set to become the first black South African coach to win the PSL, was far from tears.

He grinned: "I know some people will accuse me off being too defensive, but this was not a night for a second goal. Three points is all that mattered. And we've got our three points."

At the Peter Mokabe Stadium, Polokwane City - not easily beaten up north - were eventually beaten 2-0 by George. Well two Georges. First Lebese added to the two late Nedbank Cup goals he scored over the weekend, then Maluleke produced the killer goal. Talking of killers: Katlego Mphela came on for Bernard Parker, but neither lived up to their reputations.

Worse, when Knowledge Musona came on as a sub late in the game, it looked like his dodgy ankle went with his first real thrust at goal. Stuart Baxter appeared afterwards to say: "We've got to be happy with three points, it's such a schedule like nowhere else.

"I'm trying to put out a competitive squad for CAF, that's why we rotated some of the players tonight. The PSL could go down to goal difference, but what can you do? If our competitors win 7-0 for the rest of the season, I'll be the first to congratulate them!"


And quietly, Bidvest Wits produced two late goals against Moroka Swallows to secure a last-gasp 2-1 win which leaves the Clever Boys in the Hunt. Gavin Hunt that is. With one game in hand on Chiefs and two on Sundowns, his men are realistically TWO POINTS adrift in the title race and they've got to play the AmaKhosi.


With Chiefs and Sundowns level on goal difference at +22, it's the remaining fixtures which now become the subject of some debate. And the major problem? Chiefs have those two CAF Confed Cup games against Asec Mimosa (at Dobsonville on Saturday and at the Stade Robert Champroux in Abidjan on April 27) to worry about.

And the AmaKhosi are also in to the last four of the Nedbank Cup, with Wits of all people to come on May 3.  Sundowns have neither CAF nor the Nedbank Cup to worry about after their quarter-final defeat against Orlando Pirates.


That means Masanadawana have THREE to play: Swallows away on Saturday; SuperSport United at home on April 26 and Maritzburg away on May 10.

Chiefs have FOUR to come: the big one against Wits on April 23, Amatuks away on April 26 (has to be re-scheduled because of CAF); relegation threatened Free State Stars on April 30 and Amazulu at home on the final day of the season, May 10.


Last season Chiefs won the League with 57 points. Orlando Pirates did it with 58 in 2012. Already Sundowns have 55 points. They might need 64 to confirm it. And that would be a new PSL record.


FULL LIST OF PSL WINNERS AND POINTS TALLIES

2002-2003: Orlando Pirates 61, Supersport United 55

2003-2004: Kaizer Chiefs 63 (highest), Ajax Cape Town 57

2004-2005: Kaizer Chiefs 62, Orlando Pirates 60

2005-2006: Mamelodi Sundowns 57, Orlando Pirates 54

2006-2007: Mamelodi Sundowns 61, Silver Stars 51

2007-2008: SuperSport United 54 (lowest), Ajax Cape Town 52

2008-2009: SuperSport United 55, Orlando Pirates 55

2009-2010: SuperSport United 57, Mamelodi Sundowns 56

2010-2011: Orlando Pirates 60, Ajax Cape Town 60

2011-2012: Orlando Pirates 58, Moroka Swallows 56

2012-2013: Kaizer Chiefs 57, Platinum Stars 56


Vital games in La Liga this weekend:

FRIDAY: ATLETICO MADRID v Elche 8.30pm CAT

SATURDAY: REAL MADRID v Osasuna, 8pm CAT

SUNDAY: Villarreal v BARCELONA, 9pm CAT

After last night's Copa Del Ray win, Real Madrid and Barcelona have to maintain the pace at Diego Simeone's shock troops Atleti remain a win clear in the title race. All three are expected to win this weekend, but that's what they said before Granada 1-0 Barcelona last week!


Vital games in Premier League this weekend:

SATURDAY: CHELSEA v Sunderland 6.30pm CAT

SUNDAY: Norwich v LIVERPOOL 1pm CAT

MONDAY: MANCHESTER CITY v West Brom 9pm CAT

Man City were held 2-2 by Sunderland last night, and they were lucky to bet a point at home with Samir Nasri's late equaliser vital. It's a result that further strengthens Liverpool's grip on their first EVER Premier League crown. Assuming the top three all win this weekend, it's Chelsea at Liverpool next week which will be crucial.



Vital games in PSL this weekend:

SATURDAY: SuperSport United v WITS 3pm CAT

SUNDAY: Moroka Swallows v MAMELODI SUNDOWNS 6pm CAT

With champions Kaizer Chiefs on CAF Confed Cup duty, Sundowns have the chance to move SIX points ahead at the top of the PSL - and improve their goal difference against the low-flying SwaiSwai. Victory for Wits would put them within TWO POINTS of Chiefs. Definitely still in the HUNT.

Pietersen's snub and Smith's pregnancy: the two big issues before cricket's super series starts today

Suffering Saffas: Graeme Smith and Kevin Pietersen

TWO huge issues loom over cricket’s series of the season when England take on South Africa in the three-match, 15-day battle for global domination at The Oval today.

I’m not talking about the bail-inflicted eye injury in Somerset which sent the veteran Proteas wicketkeeper Mark Boucher in to premature retirement a fortnight ago. Nor the back injury which has seen young Titans paceman Marchant de Lange return home.

We could discuss stand-in wicketkeeper AB de Villiers’ secret back spasms too, or the battle for a Test starting spot among England’s pace battery. Or even the possibility of a great series between the world’s No1 and No3 ranked nations being ruined by the wettest British summer on record.

No, the two key issues lie away from today’s first Test.

Kevin Pietersen’s snub

The first problem is well-known and typically topical. England’s master batsman Kevin Pietersen was yesterday left out of the 30-man provisional squad to defend the World T20 in Sri Lanka this September amid much wrangling.

Pietersen, born and raised in Pietermaritzburg, South Africa, had offered to resume his limited-over duties after “retiring” in May – on condition he was allowed to play a full (highly lucrative) IPL tournament and miss the two (less lucrative) Tests against New Zealand May next year.

Unsurprisingly, with coach Andy Flower pulling the strings, Pietersen’s offer of compromise was summarily rejected. Cape Town-born Flower played for Zimbabwe during his playing days and perhaps harbours resentment towards KP for the path his career took after he turned his back on the nation of his birth (he made his England debut against Zimbabwe in 2004).

Flower told the Mail on Sunday: "I think it's sad for a player in his batting prime not to be playing all forms of international cricket, something that a lot of the guys work very hard for but are also very lucky to have the opportunity to do.

"I would hate for him to get to the end of his career and look back and think, 'Oh damn, I wish I hadn't missed the World T20 or the 2015 World Cup'.

"Maybe he won't. Maybe he's a very... well he is a very different person to me, so he might not think that way at all."

That’s no way for a coach to speak about his most valuable player. Some think Pietersen will be inspired by his T20 snub, others suggest he will spend the next five days sulking as he will now be offered reduced “Test only” terms by the ECB when his central contract is up for review in August.

The one good thing about the Pietersen debacle? It will leave Nottinghamshire’s Alex Hales (my 23-year-old Godson, but that’s not relevant here) to open for England in T20 after his swashbuckling 99 against the West Indies last month.

Graeme Smith’s pregnancy

The second key issue is less publicised. Graeme Smith, not Pietersen’s greatest fan, will start his 100^th Test today with his Irish wife Morgan Deane about to give birth to their first child.

On twitter this week, Morgan – described as a singer, song-writer and fashion guru in her profile – explained the pain of being separated from her husband as she builds up to the big day.

She said: “Being without my husband the last two weeks of my first pregnancy is not the easiest thing I’ve done… I’ll take that medal now please. Cheers.”

Morgan, who started the “Penisgate” storm last month when she tweeted about buying a book called “Living With A Big Penis”, added: “Let’s hope baby stays comfy and ain’t in a hurry. Early labour is NOT an option! Fingers crossed baba waits for dada!”

Smith will be hoping to be there for the birth in Cape Town in the gap between the first and second Tests, when the tourists are scheduled to play Worcestershire in a tour match. That leaves “Biff” a gap from the end of The Oval on Monday until Headingley, which starts on August 2.

For the two biggest names in this series, Pietersen and Smith will be battling to keep their off-field concerns out of the game.

For all his legendary focus, Smith may find that difficult. Though they have been married less than a year, Morgan has already suffered a miscarriage and told IOL’s Laura Butler in April: “I haven’t spoken about the miscarriage until now as mentally I wasn’t ready to, but since it happened to me and I’ve spoken to people about it, I realise how common it actually is.

“Whether you miscarry at three weeks or three months, it’s one of the most emotionally painful things to go through. It almost feels like Mother Nature is playing a horrific joke on you.

“I had a “missed miscarriage” which means I didn’t miscarry the regular way. So at the time it was very bizarre to get my head around the fact that there was no blood, but still they had to go in and remove the pregnancy.

“But it brought me extremely close to my husband and we only began the healing process really once I fell pregnant again two months later.

“The one thing about miscarrying on the first pregnancy was bringing about the realisation that we wanted this baby more than anything.

“I’ve put on the extra pounds because I’d been instructed not to exercise throughout this pregnancy and we didn’t want to take any risks. We are not taking one day of this for granted.

 “We can’t wait to meet our baby and become parents.”

So if Morgan calls Graeme on the mobile and says she’s gone in to labour over the next five days, what will happen? Can Biff put it all to one side? Time will tell.

The face of the man who could bring cricket to its knees: England's first convicted match fixer faces jail

This is the little-known face of the cheat who could bring cricket to its knees. Essex paceman Mervyn Westfield faces jail after becoming the first Englishman convicted of match-fixing.

He will be sentenced on 10 February but – with three Pakistani cricketers jailed in England last year over similar charges – the 23-year-old is expected to name further fixers in the game as he bids to get his sentence reduced.

Westfield was warned by Judge Anthony Morris: “Mr Westfield, I hold out no promises but it is open to the court to pass an immediate custodial sentence.”

Morris also promised to name the “well-known” cricketing character who paid Westfield. The ECB announced an amnesty on match-fixers last Friday in an attempt to get further corruption out in the open – but Cricket South Africa refused to accept the need for something similar in this country despite the shadow of the late Hansie Cronjé’s match-fixing, exposed in 2000.

One CSA spokesman told Scoop! last Friday: “Nobody in South Africa is under suspicion.” But Herschelle Gibbs, who admitted to trying to fix an innings in India in 2000 and still plays for the Cobras, received only a six-month ban from cricket.

Westfield, once considered a Test contender, effectively threw his career away for £6 000 (R72 000) when he promised to allow 12 runs to be scored off the first over of a Pro40 match against Durham in September 2009.

Though he bowled a wide, only 10 runs were conceded. Westfield’s legal team argued their client had not gone through with the fix, but the judge said he found it “difficult to accept”that he would not have been paid.

The game was broadcast live on Sky across India and Pakistan, making it eminently fixable. Westfield conceded 60 runs from his seven overs but Essex went on to win by seven wickets.

Born in Romford near London, Westfield boasted about his ill-gotten earnings to col¬leagues, who blew the whistle.

Westfield’s conviction is a huge embarrassment for English cricket, coming three months after Pakistan stars Salman Butt, Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Amir were jailed for spot-fixing.

This story first appeared in Scoop! South Africa's new Sunday tabloid. See www.scoopnews.co.za

Golden Balls Beckham? Or was the World Cup draw fixed?

EVER the diplomat (well, ever since France 98), David Beckham said after the World Cup draw: "As a country we're just happy to be playing a part in an historic event."

Happy? We're ecstatic! England came out of the hat as planned in Group C, with their carefully planned trips to Rustenburg's Bafokeng Sports Palace complex coming up trumps, surprise, surprise. They've been organising it for months, almost like they knew all along they were going to get drawn to play USA in Rustenburg first.

Then they'll pop down to the coast to play Algeria and Slovenia, keeping their high-altitude conditioning as they were advised by the rugby medics who are accustomed to South African conditions.

Whether every element of the draw was fixed, who knows? Suffice to say, we've got the USA, the highest ranked but not-too-scary side from Pot 2, Algeria, who needed a play-off against Egypt to make it to Pot 3 and, best of all, the weakest team from dangerous Pot 4, Slovenia, who lost all three games in 2002.

Alan Shearer, on the Beeb, said: "I think Fabio Capello will be absolutely delighted. If you'd have said that beforehand, he would have snapped your hand off."

There is already talk of England being moved to a bigger stadium for their game at Port Elizabeth. It's going to be massive! But what about the other 28 nations?

Group D looks a tough one. Serbia, Ghana, Germany and Australia. None of them are pushovers. Michael Essien, Ghana's guiding light, will come up against his Chelsea team-mate, Michael Ballack, the German captain. May the wrestle in peace.

Group A was always South Africa's and when they came out with Mexico and Uruguay, who needed a play-off against Costa Rica (who are as unhappy as Ireland about the way they went out) the hosts were happy enough despite their lowest-ever host ranking of 86th. But then France popped out to finish the group and the battle is on, hopefully with Thierry Henry suspended for his handball against the Irish in Paris last month (sorry to harp on, but it WAS cheating).

Group B puts Argentina just where they want to be, at altitude as they planned when they booked Pretoria University's sports academy this week. Should have put money on that one too. They play twice in Johannesburg and once in Polokwane, no big trips, and they're with Nigeria, South Korea and Greece. Diego Maradona always said the balls were warmed to suit the big nations. It looks that way for the Argies.

Group E sees Holland, Denmark, Japan and Cameroon doing battle with Group F featuring Italy, Paraguay, New Zealand - with all their 'stars' from Plymouth, Halifax and Worksop - plus dangerous Slovakia.

But if it's a group of death you want, try Group G. Brazil were drawn first, North Korea are unknown, but Didier Drogba's Ivory Coast and Cristiano Ronaldo's Portugal came out next. Ouch. I'm going for Ivory Coast and Portugal - with Brazilian Deco - to survive.

Group H sees Spain, perfect in qualifying, up against Switzerland, Honduras and Chile. If Spain don't make it out of the group, I'll run naked across Soccer City before the final on July 11.

The bookies agree. After the draw they go Spain 4-1, Brazil 11-2, England 13-2, Argentina 10-1.

England could play Germany, then France in the quarters and Brazil in the semi-final. If things go according to plan. They certainly have so far. But then David Beckham's nickname has always been the clue. Golden Balls. They certainly were tonight.

Just put this on page 51 of today's Lite

LITESPORT would like to apologise to any readers of yesterday’s cricket story on page 35 headlined: “Swann warns SA this is NOT same old England side”.
This newspaper was taken in by two early wins on the tour of South Africa which encouraged us to accept Graeme Swann’s argument which ran along the lines of: “What we’ve been trying for the last five years hasn’t really worked and we’ve done something about it.”
Last night’s humiliating Twenty20 defeat against South Africa A in Bloemfontein suggests this England team ARE, in fact, just as bad as all the other touring teams we send around the world for a good hammering at the hands of our former colonies. For that we apologise unreservedly.
England, without captain Andrew Strauss who avoids the shortest form of the game, were skittled for 89 in an innings that featured three comical run-outs. The second-string South Africans got there with four wickets to spare.
With the first of two Twenty20 internationals looming at the much more intimidating Wanderers Bull Ring in Johannesburg, stand-in captain Paul Collingwood said: “I’m hoping this was just a blip. I never like losing, but I think sometimes it is going to be a little bit of a reality check as well.
“We’ve started so well, it’s a really great atmosphere and there’s a lot of hard work going into it. I guess it’s just our decision-making in this form of the game that tonight has let us down.”
England’s injury list is worrying too. Swann left the field with a slight thigh problem, joining James Anderson (knee), Graham Onions (back) and Stuart Broad (shoulder) in the casualty department.
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