South Africa's quest for leadership: all eyes on Milton "Micho" Sredojevic after AFCON 2017

CRANES DRIVER: Milutin "Micho" Sredojevic

SOUTH AFRICANS are suffering a football-free void until February 7 but while we wait for the domestic game to restart... keep an eye on Uganda.

Milutin Sredojević, also known as MICHO, is the 47-year-old Serbian who could be on the verge of joining Bafana Bafana after AFCON 2017.

He’s the bloke who got Uganda’s Cranes to the AFCON in Gabon which starts on January 14. While our blessed Bafana under Ephraim Mashaba couldn’t even get close, Micho somehow got Uganda to the final stages for the first time since they finished second in 1978.

With South Africa’s PSL on extended vacation until next month, all eyes will be on the 2017 African Nations Cup, with our neighbours Zimbabwe also making the cut and Cote D’Ivoire attempting to defend the title they won in Equatorial Guinea two years ago.

With Uganda’s FA struggling for cash - they don’t even have a kit sponsor - there has been talk of their precious Serbian coach failing to get the cash he was promised for getting the nation to Gabon.

With Ghana (17 Jan), Egypt (21 Jan) and Mali (Jan 25) in their uncompromising group at Afcon, few expect Micho’s men to progress to the latter stages. In qualifying, their Group D saw Uganda finish with four wins, a draw and a defeat to emerge behind Burkina Faso but ahead of Botswana and the Comoros as one of two best runners-up.

With a friendly against Tunisia away lined up for January 4, Micho is currently trying to select his best 23 for Gabon, before a warm-up tournament against Ivory Coast and Slovakia in the UAE.

But it’s what happens AFTER their first AFCON in 38 years we South Africans should be concerned about.

Weeks ago, when Bafana Bafana drew their final AFCON 2017 qualifier with Mauritania to finish third in their group, I was told SAFA president Danny Jordaan, having lost the NMB mayoral race against the DA’s Athol Trollop, had finally realised the state of South Africa’s national team during his absence.

Two weeks later, talks with Micho had - allegedly - taken place. I was told Bafana Bafana incumbent Ephraim “Shakes” Mashaba had too much political support to be summarily fired for an awful AFCON performance which featured players not good enough to play for their club sides..

Instead, Shaky was told he HAD to get four points from his first two World Cup 2018 qualifiers against Burkina Faso and Africa’s best side Senegal.

Incredibly, after an away draw which they deserved to win, South Africa beat Senegal at home - on the back of a dodgy penalty from Ghanaian referee Jonthan Lamptey, who was subsequently banned for three months - and Shaky appeared to be safe.

But no, Jordaan - who told BBC Africa a few weeks before that Mashaba “had to go, the outcry is too great” - then reacted to Mashaba’s understandable glee by firing our national head coach.

True, Mashaba wagged his finger at Jordaan and accused him of being “unsupportive” in front of several witnesses, but to fire Shaky after beating Senegal was distinctly dodgy. Suspension was followed by a kangaroo court and termination.

Why? Because Micho had been lined up by Jordaan, just as Carlos Queiroz had been told he had the job after Gordon Igesund but was rejected due to his required salary.

Just 24 hours before the guillotine fell on Mashaba’s neck, I’m told Dr Irvin Khoza - the PSL chairman who REALLY runs South African football - decided Micho would be a good replacement for caretaker coach Augusto Palacios at his own club, Orlando Pirates.

Which leaves us in an interesting position before Bafana resume their World Cup qualification process against Cape Verde Islands in August. 

I’m told Khoza, who put Micho in charge at Orlando with mixed fortunes in 2006, was the man who initially made contact with the Uganda coach two months ago. The compromise position: Mashaba (who has never proved himself at club level) could go to Pirates, who currently languish in an unacceptable TENTH in the PSL, allowing Micho to take the Bafana job.

The man himself insists he is focused on Uganda, he says: “Whatever you are hearing, I am loyal to Uganda. My contract expires in 2018 but  the bags of any coach are always half packed.

“I believe you have a top class team in South Africa. I admire good football and I believe you have a very, very good team. In life you never know.”

Whatever happens, Micho is contracted to Uganda until 2018. But if Uganda get hammered at AFCON, which is a distinct possibility, he’ll be sacked and available.

And Bafana, with a useful 4 points from their two World Cup qualifiers, may be too good to turn down.

When MICHO was last at Orlando Pirates, he complained about discipline problems HERE: http://www.iol.co.za/capeargus/sport/all-is-not-well-at-pirates-says-sredojevic-561513

EXPOSING THE SHAMBLES AT SAFA: was AFCON 2017 qualification mandatory for Shaky? Will NOTHING be done before the World Cup qualifiers?

WHAT A TWIT! On Sept 6, Chimhavi says Mashaba's
only mandate is Russia 2018, Afcon 2017 failure is
clearly of no consequence to SAFA

THE rumblings at SAFA House have been bothering the nation since it our national football body built its R150m headquarters with FIFA Legacy Fund money before the 2010 World Cup had even kicked off.

It’s an uncomfortable place, lying in the shadow of Soccer City, the fading edifice now called the FNB Stadium, where crowds are becoming more and more difficult to draw as South African football tumbles down the slippery slope of maladministration.

Dominic Chimhavi, SAFA’s Head of Communications, neatly sums up the mess in a organisation where the elected president Danny Jordaan turned his back on football to lose the mayoral election in Nelson Mandela Bay.

Jordaan and I have been through the mill. I backed him to the hilt in the SAFA presidential elections, we met for lunch a couple of times at Nelson Mandela Square, he showed me how much of the FIFA World Cup legacy fund remained (I still have the documents, I’ve displayed them on television, still not seen significant grass roots spending) and when I stood up against national coach, Gordon Igesund for being influenced by agents, Danny came calling.

As the only journalist to actually give evidence to the Arendse Inquiry, I expressed concern when Ephraim Mashaba, know to be a client of super-agent Tim Sukazi, was given the biggest job in South African football in July 2014 after Igesund’s contract was not renewed.

But, as Jordaan explained, Shaky was the cheap option, Carlos Queiroz only heard the news that he was too expensive throught the media, having agreed to return to South Africa during Igesund’s CHAN 2013 failure on home soil.

Jordaan promised Mashaba would be tutored in modern tactics and methods by FIFA’s technical guru Gerard Houllier, he said a closer eye would be kept on agent influence, Dr Irvin Khoza came out and said Shaky was the first Bafana coach NOT to listen to agents.

But the predictable soon happened. After a successful 2015 Afcon qualifying campaign, Mashaba’s selection for the tournament in Equatorial Guinea was laughable. Strange names cropped up, Thulani Serero was thrown out. He rotated goalkeepers and captains, had no idea how to maintain a lead, and came home after a five-day disappearance with just one point.

By then SAFA was scrabbling for cover.  Jordaan told me Mashaba had NO mandate when he took the job, though Igesund was told finish top four in Afcon 2013 and qualify for Brazil 2016.

But as we drew with minnows Gambia at home and lost to Mauritania 3-1 on an artificial surface we weren’t prepared for, it became clear Mashaba had no idea how to run a national football team in the modern game. In 10 AFCON games since the away draw against Nigeria in late 2014, Bafana have won 1, drawn 6 and lost 3.

After the final draw against Mauritania at home this month, Bafana Bafana found themselves with 7 points, everyone knew they were OUT weeks before, yet SAFA hung on, saying they would not act until after the final game.

Curiously, after that match, the returning Jordaan (who said as mayor football was “just a hobby” and he “had never been paid a penny” in his SAFA role) said: “This must be the end of the journey, not the beginning, because this cannot lead us into the 2018 campaign, where we will play the giants of the African continent."

That led to some serious speculation. It look like the Mandela Challenge would be Mashaba's last game in charge, there were reports of a big-name foreign coach being appointed, from sources within shadowy SAFA House.

But the #shakyout campaign had about as much hope as #feesmustfall. The friendly 1-0 win over Egypt followed and there was Chimhavi telling me SAFA net would NOT  be discussing Mashaba’s future at the meeting over the weekend and that “the coach has to see through his mandate of qualifying for Russia 2018”. Fortunately I have a picture of this stunning tweet, which was retweeted by @safa_net.

So that, it appears, is that, for the #shakyout campaign. But people keep asking about Mashaba’s demise, so I tweeted THIS on Saturday:

Yes, as I've said repeatedly, @dchimhavi says #shaky's mandate was to qualify for WC2018, not @AFCON2017 @WASINATOR_95 @SAFA_net

Unbelievably, Chimhavi then tweeted: “When did I say that? Don’t put words into my mouth Mr Collins; teaching young journos bad traits”

DROWNING IN DENIAL Chimhavi digs deeper

So what’s a man to do? Look, I like Dominic, we travelled together with the AmaJimbos and I did a lot of work with the U17s thanks to him, and enjoyed his company.

But subsequent promises of travelling with Bafana to see Shakes in action first hand came to nothing on numerous occasions.

How can this man accuse me of misleading people when his tweet is clear as a bell: MASHABA’S MANDATE WAS RUSSIA 2018. Chimhavi said it. Afcon 2017 failure, a deep and significant blow which saw us come THIRD in the group, was rendered meaningless.

Now we go in to a World Cup qualifying campaign against might Group D rivals Senegal, Cape Verde and Burkina Faso, a far more daunting prospect than Cameroon, Mauritania and Gambia in AFCON 2017 Group M.

And Chimhavi tells us Mashaba’s failure will not matter. Has the report on South Africa’s disastrous campaign been delivered? Why did Shaky keep picking players not good enough for their clubs? Why did he treat Kamohelo Mokotjo so badly he retired from Bafana? Is there a correlation between certain agents and selection? Why is Shaky still involved in KeYona after being clearly told it wasn’t acceptable by SAFA?

But none of these questions matter. According to SAFA’s “head of communications” Mashaba’s mandate was World Cup 2018. In other words, he hasn’t even started yet.

Unbelievable.

From Shaky to shakier: Mashaba said "something special is brewing" but it was just decomposing

TIME TO GO: Ephraim "Shakes" Mashaba

ONE win in months. An endless list of excuses. Failure to address deep-seated failures in the organisation. Lacking qualified leadership. No, we're not talking Kaizer Chiefs. Or even the ANC. It's SOUTH AFRICAN FOOTBALL we have to worry about.

Our PSL ground to a halt after one game, with the opening round suffering record low attendances. For the first time in living memory we don't have a player in the top 5 leagues in Europe. Our national football team continues to hit new lows.

Thank God for Mamelodi Sundowns, I say. And yes, they are coached by the coach SAFA threw out.

Like a broken record, Pitso Mosimane's successor Ephraim Mashaba drones on. And on. A 1-1 home draw against a 10-man nation of slave owners. But listen carefully. Mashaba’s saying nothing. He’s going nowhere.

Third in Group M. Out of AFCON 2017 months ago, though neither coach nor president appeared to notice. One point from two games against Mauritania, ranked 104 in the world.

No admission of guilt from Shakes. No apology to the nation. Just a bizarre utterance concerning Zimbabwe’s Kharma Billiat, when Dino Ndlovu and Kermit Erasmus, resurrecting their striking careers on foreign fields, are ignored again and again by our national head coach.

As a lesson in motivation, Mashaba’s views on his strike force are best ignored. But here it is: "All the top strikers in the league are foreign. If I can have a player like Khama Billiat, then maybe we’d score more.”

But then Mashaba’s post-match comments cannot be expected to measure up to somebody like, say, Kaizer Chiefs coach-cum-poet Steve Komphela.

On June 5 this year, Mashaba said: "Can this be one of the best Bafana Bafana teams ever? Something special is brewing." Arrogant. Delusional. Out of touch. His current squad rarely rises above the awful.

He's even talked about winning the World Cup, in his mind, his team "completely dominates" every team Bafana plays against, he eagerly suggests the non-playing stars in his line-up will come good, it’s been this way since the 2-2 draw with Nigeria in 2014.

Up to that point, we were happy to put up with his bizarre lack of tactics, his weird decisions, that inexplicable head-rubbing goal celebration.

But by the time he’d selected his AFCON 2015 team, throwing out Thulani Serero in a deceitful rage, we were starting to suspect Mashaba wasn’t all he seemed. We finally began to understand why he hadn’t been snatched up to manage a club or left South Africa’s youth set-up apart from a brief failure with Swaziland.

There’s more: after the Mauritania debacle, the decision to let his old favourite Thamsanqa Gabuza take the penalty, the fact we didn’t try to exploit the visitors’ red card, the total lack of imagination.

Here’s more: “The way the boys are playing, I don’t doubt we’ll qualify for the World Cup,” he boasts, just before our qualifying group rivals Senegal became the ONLY side to qualify for Gabon next year with a perfect record.

And then: "We are really looking forward to qualifying with the team we are setting up, but we have one problem; how are we going to sort out the scoring problem?”

But that’s where this all started. We go in to the Mandela challenge against Egypt full of hope. South Africa have been winning friendlies and losing competitive games for decades. Remember the 2010 World Cup warm-ups? Unbeaten for months. The dodgy 3-0 win over Mali in Gabon just before AFCON 2015?

Best not examine those games too closely. They have given Mashaba an apparently impressive overall record 37 games, with 17 wins, 16 draws and just four defeats.

But look closer. Go back to that last AFCON 2015 qualifier in Nigeria, drawn 2-2 after two superb Tokelo Rantie goals. Since then, Bafana have played 10 Afcon games. Just one win, 7 draws, two defeats. You get a clearer picture. The real picture.

Mashaba is tactically bankrupt. He has no idea how to change a game with substitutes. Mr Rotation doesn’t even know who his captain, goalkeeper or penalty taker might be. He chooses players, as so many Bafana coaches before him, by listening to the loudest agent.

And for those, like me, who thought a technical director might help control a man who gets his son to ask questions in press conferences, Neil Tovey has been the biggest disappointment of all. Silent on all fronts, apart from SuperSport TV where he is paid for his views while pulling a big salary from SAFA. Unbelievable.

I have little doubt Shaky, who apparently still subscribes to Danny Jordaan’s Vision 2022 philosophy, will beat Egypt on Tuesday with five or six players close to 30.

And the SAFA President, just back from losing Nelson Mandela Bay to the DA, will no doubt tell us how wonderful everything is. It’s isn’t. We finished THIRD in AFCON Group M. Only ONE side qualifies for Russian 2018. Senegal are coming.

WELL HELLO DOLLY: after years of waiting, South Africa finally gets a glimpse of Keagan's genius

DOLLIGHTFUL: Keagan Dolly after his 1st goal in Gambia

I said hello, Dolly, 

Well, hello, Dolly

 It's so nice to have you back

where you belong

You're lookin' swell, Dolly

I can tell, Dolly

You're still glowin'

You're still crowin'

You're still goin' strong

Those are the lyrics of one Louis Armstrong, in a hit single which swept around the world in 1964 after the launch of “Hello Dolly”, the musical of the same name.

I was three at the time but here we are, 52 years later and Keagan Dolly, aged 23, has finally become a hit with South Africa’s national football team.

Dolly, from the same Westbury suburb west of Johannesburg as Everton’s Steven Pienaar, should have been a Bafana Bafana veteran with 30+ caps by now.

But years of non-selection by the agent-manipulated national head coach Ephraim “Shakes” Mashaba meant that his two assists and two fantastic strikes in Gambia on Saturday marked just his SECOND international appearance.

Dolly, who moved from Ajax Cape Town to Mamelodi Sundowns for R7m in 2014, was actually given a debut that year during 3-0 win over Sudan in Omdurman.

Since then, Mashaba has used various excuses to keep South Africa’s finest young player out of the senior squad, ranging from youth, lack of fitness, being on loan at his former club Ajax Cape Town, and - infamously - refusing to pick Keagz for the AFCON 2017 clashes against Cameroon this year “because he is involved in the U23 friendly in Brazil”.

While Rivaldo Coetzee, three years younger, was consistently selected despite obvious failings, Dolly was persistently ignored despite his progress in the PSL with Pitso's Masandawana.

That glaring omission came back to haunt Shaky on Saturday. Dolly, rampaging down the left, made two goals for low-scoring Orlando Pirates striker Thami Gabuza before thumping home two of his own from outside the box. Imagine, we asked, if Dolly had played in all the Group M qualifiers? Would that left foot have been the difference against Cameroon?

It was Dolly’s day. So much so that it’s hard to imagine him returning to PSL champions Mamelodi Sundowns after the Rio Olympics, he is surely bound for a European apprenticeship in September.

CHAMPION: Keagan Dolly in action for Sundowns

Amid the bizarre suggestions that this was some stroke of Mashaba genius or that we had suddenly found a superhero, the more enlightened Bafana fans recognised the record 4-0 away win in Bakau for what it was: too little, too late for our boys.

Dolly himself said: "There’s more to come, watch this space!

“This has been some year for me. I have won lots of things, selected for major awards and now being called for the national team and do this.

“It gives me a wonderful feeling but I want to continue working hard so that I repay the faith my coaches have placed on me.

“The coach told me to shoot when I am within range and I did exactly that in the second half and the rest as they say, is history.

“With the team leading 2-0 and cruising, I told myself ‘give it a go’ and boy I have never felt so good.

“My career is really blossoming but will continue to work hard, keep my feet grounded and put more effort in whatever I do.”

The sky appears to be the limit now for Dolly as Sundowns head in to the group stages of the African Champions League by default and Bafana prepare for COSAFA and the Olympics.

But soon the World Cup draw will outline the way ahead for South African football, where Dolly will become the central figure in Bafana’s plans.

It matters not who leads the nation in to those qualifiers, Dolly - and other youngsters ignored despite Danny Jordaan’s now-forgotten Vision 2022 plans - are the future for South Africa football. The nation will insist on a youthful future after Dolly’s heroics, no matter who leads the team.

Though a national coach who picks on form, youth and is capable of understanding modern football would be a major advantage in what promises to be a turbulent road to Russia in 2018.

Why Shaky is going nowhere fast: the sad tale of South African football

Head man: Shakes Mashaba

ALL hope is lost. Well, just about. There is actually a complicated list of results which could still see battered Bafana Bafana get to AFCON 2017 in Gabon.

But it’s a helluva long-shot. Only Ghana managed to get through to Equatorial Guinea in 2015 with 11 points out of seven group winners. Everybody else topped their groups with 12, 13, 14 or even a perfect 18 points.

The most South Africa can get after their frustrating 0-0 draw against an unambitious Cameroon in Durban last week? NINE POINTS. 

Somehow, if Cameroon and Mauritania contrive to fall over before the line from here, Shaky - as he is now known - might still get through on goal difference if Bafana beat Gambia away and Mauritania at home.

So yes, Mr Mashaba, you’re right. “Our AFCON 2017 campaign is looking darker and darker” but there is a tiny loophole of light.

But it’s the way Shaky tells it that lacks a certain professionalism. A crass mixture of arrogance and denialism never did anybody much good. Ask our president.

Mashaba was waxing lyrical about his chances of making it to Gabon as one of two best runners-up in the group. Again, that will probably require 11 points. But when that was put to him at the press conference, Mashaba responded rudely, asking “who’s view is more important here, yours or mine?”.

The attitude is not new. Mashaba got his son Thabo to ask questions when his imminent failure began to become an acceptable topic last year. And then there was the time he told us: “I’m going to be rude — I think my colour is a problem here. That’s what I’m going to say.”

All patent nonsense of course. Gordon Igesund and a string of Brazilians took far more stick far earlier in their reigns. 

The problem with Mashaba is not his arrogance or his colour. It’s his utter failure to select in-form national squads, his inability to hold on to a lead, his blindness to quick substitutions and... well... South Africa’s general footballing demise over the past 18 months.

Going back to the 2-2 draw in Nigeria in 2014 - which capped off an unbeaten qualification campaign for AFCON 2015 - Shaky has presided over EIGHT African Cup of Nations fixtures. Of those, five were drawn, three were lost... and not a single one has been won.

We left AFCON 2015 with one point. Then came COSAFA and CHAN failures, bracketed by the Group M debacle we now find ourselves embroiled in. A home draw with Gambia was unexpected. Defeat in Mauritania simply unacceptable.

Though Mashaba started his qualifying campaign in 2014 by picking youngsters in line with SAFA president’s VISION2022 programme, by the time AFCON 2015 came around he was doing the usual Bafana boss thing: picking players suggested by his favourite agents, some of whom weren’t even playing for their clubs.

Ignoring in-form players - to the point where he actually accused our one few top-level regular European players he was "too heavy". Going for older and older players and ignoring the Vision2022 blueprint. 

Dennis Mumble, the curious little man who went from Team Manager to CEO at SAFA in the space of four years, insists after the recent qualifying debacle: “The judgement process is already underway. We do not want to react with a knee-jerk.

“We do have the option of telling Mashaba “listen this is not going to work” (before World Cup qualifying begins with the draw in June) but we still have confidence in our head coach.”

Sadly then, and this is a national trend, our leadership will stay intact despite obvious, critical failure at the highest level.

When Mashaba told us after failing at home against Cameroon: “If we play like this we will qualify for the World Cup” his shortcomings were revealed in a sentence.

When I was discussing Kamohelo Mokotjo's complaints in the Dutch newspaper De Telegraaf today, I got four or five calls from interesting sources in the South African game talking about life under Mashaba.

One, an agent, told me Mashaba only deals with "local agents" and that he gets kickbacks for picking them in his squads. We've been there before. Hard to prove, easy to suggest looking at the continual selection of players who attend club games armed with cushions.

Then there was the former Bafana player revealing how Mashaba's training camps are "like amateur night" and that general chaos surrounds a call up to the South African team. Missed flights, team meetings where Mashaba is an hour late, the time in Latin America where the players stayed in bunk beds while Shaky flew home on the first flight to coach the Nedbank Keyona team.

Or how about the coach who said: "When Shaky suffered a few withdrawals before the Cameroon games, he didn't have any numbers to call replacements. They were scrambling about trying to find somebody, anybody.

"There is no communication with SAFA, there are international players who have not heard from Mashaba since he took over. Others who are called to the squad but just get ignored for a week. We've even had players called up... and then told not to come."

Then, from my mole at SAFA House, THIS: "A senior official told Mashaba to try to be more relaxed with the media. He just laughed. It was suggested he should stand aside for the World Cup qualifiers but he just shrugged his shoulders."

Reading between the lines of this morning's calls, it appears - like our president Jacob Zuma - there is NOTHING that would make Mashaba leave his lucrative leadership role.

With money coming in from SAFA, his expenses, Nedbank and so-called "other sources", Mashaba is earning more than our top PSL coaches for doing a lot less and achieving next to nothing.

One player told me this morning: "He barely talks to some of the squad, particularly the overseas players. He has his favourites. There are agents everywhere. The team talks are a joke, some of us can't even understand what he's saying. He makes references to Apartheid and the struggle, but we have no idea what to do when we go down the tunnel.

"Sometimes he just shrugs and says "I know nothing about the opposition" which isn't great 10 minutes before a vital game."

The clincher for me was from the SAFA House mole: "Mashaba appoints more and more people around him without even asking the Executive. He does as he pleases. He doesn't turn up for meetings if he thinks it's going to go badly for him.

"He doesn't listen when we offer advice, he says: "I know how this works. I know all about how SAFA works" then he simply walks away."

The suggestion - from a series of unsolicited callers/emailers which I obviously can't name - being: SAFA can't fire Shaky because he knows too much. He holds the power. Certainly sounded that way to me.

But it’s not just Shaky is it? We live in a nation where crowd figures and transfer fees are top secret. Three of our four representatives are out of continental club competition. Our referees are as poor as our strikers and Kaizer Chiefs, the nation’s favourite club, haven’t scored in five games.

Mumble himself has admitted SAFA is essentially bankrupt, spending R500m a year with an annual income of R300m - and then they turned to penniless national carrier SAA for help! Danny Jordaan has gone from telling me South African football was his one driving ambition to taking the mayoral role in Port Elizabeth and telling us: “Football is just a hobby for me.”

The only bright point? Zimbabwe, packed with PSL stars, SHOULD get to Gabon. At least we’ll have something to cheer about in 2017.

PROUD TO BE MR MASHABA'S MONKEY: Why BafanaBafana need more guerrillas, less yes men

MONKEY BUSINESS: BafanaBafana coach Shakes Mashaba

TODAY I am a monkey. A footballing guerrilla. One who sits on the back of our national coach, awaiting eviction. This is my tail.

As South Africa basks in the glory of a come-from-behind 3-1 win over Angola, Ephraim "Shakes" Mashaba did the talking for himself this weekend rather than relying on a series of questions from his son, as he did during a run of eight competitive defeats in charge of BafanaBafana.

To recap: There was the epic 2-2 draw in Nigeria, followed by three failures at AFCON 2015, then COSAFA penalty shoot-out defeats on home soil against Botswana and Malawi, followed by 0-0 against Gambia and 1-3 in Mauritania to kick-off AFCON 2017 qualifying. Tough times, by any standards.

There’s almost no point in mentioning CHAN, the competition for home-based players, where we crashed out to Angola last month, despite an away win in the second leg.

Clearly though, nothing is going to change. Selection will be eccentric, team talks will be confusing, flights to and from Bafana games will continue to be chaotic with barely an independent journalist making the trip to tell us what's really going on.

With SAFA president Danny Jordaan ruling Port Elizabeth and Technical Director Neil Tovey limiting his involvement to critical television performances, I decided to change tack.

I spent last week in #shakysupport mode (though I could never quite get it trending on twitter) despite the inexplicable absence of Kermit Erasmus and Keagan Dolly on the trip to Benguela and the inclusion of four injured players.

I stuck to #shakysupport even when Brilliant Khuzwayo refused to replace Itumeleng Khune in the squad (the Sunday Sun suggests he was partying in Umlazi rather than attending to family matters, but that’s another story) and wished Wayne Sandilands well when he was called up as the third goalkeeper.

When Jackson Mabokgwane of Mpumalanga Black Aces was named as captain, again, a public pat on the back. When Andile Jali got sent off after scoring from the penalty spot, there was no need to slam the man. Job done. The Moses Mabhida Stadium on Tuesday night should be one long celebration, Angola need a 3-0 win and they’re NOT going to get it.

No need for monkey business. So here’s what Ephraim Mashaba said when Bafana returned (on the same flight, remarkably) from Angola to the Maharani Hotel in Durban on Sunday: “I want those monkeys to sit on my back and I don't want them to jump off, please.

“The weight that they’re putting on me, it keeps me on my toes, because I'm also saying 'I've got to feed them, these monkeys' and how do I feed them? I deliver, that's all. Feed them by delivering.”

And of course, he’s right. No national coach deserves to escape criticism. Early on in his reign, the Sunday Times Sports Editor Dr BBK Shortarse claimed Mashaba was under scrutiny because of his “levels of melanin”. He has since been nominated for journalist of the year.

Mashaba did the same, claiming he is discriminated against because of his skin colour. Utter bunkum of course. Gordon Igesund has low melanin levels but got so tired of this monkey he tried to sue.

Truth is, like Gord and Pitso before him, Shaky DOES need monkeys on his back. His ability as a coach is completely unproven at any level, his tactical acumen is a little old-fashioned. His substitutions are eccentric, his eagerness to rotate captains and goalkeepers is legend. Clearly Tovey’s appointment, months later than Jordaan promised, has had no impact.

But hey, we beat Angola, and we’ll probably beat them again on Tuesday night. But hold on, Mr Mashaba, the monkeys won’t be going anywhere. Next up? The group stages of the 2018 World Cup. And because we have the disadvantage of being a CAF nation, only the winners go through from the five groups of four. At least, unlike 2014, there will be no play-off against a seeded group winner to follow.

The road to Russia 2018 is a long one, a cold one... especially for Africa, where only FIVE out of 54 nations can qualify.

So too is the road to AFCON 2017 in Gabon, where one point from two games leaves Bafana needing to beat Cameroon TWICE to stand any chance of topping the group.

Braver primates will continue to plague Mashaba, even after this fantastic win in Angola. The yes men, and there are plenty of them, will say he’s evolved beyond gorilla warfare.

Me? I’ll just carry on pointing out the rights and wrongs, with a minimum of gibberish. That’s the job. Right on the monkey.

When Shaky Meyer apologised to the nation: doesn't anybody in South Africa know when to resign?

THE TWO STOOGES: Meyer and Mashaba

THIS is not life and death. It's sport. But as different parts of South Africa recover from the devastation of defeats to Arsenal, Kaizer Chiefs and the Springboks, it's important to consider THE NEXT STEP.

Obviously, there have been calls for Arsene Wenger's head for nearly a decade. And NOBODY is demanding the sack for Steve Komphela in his first season, despite Saturday's MTN8 final defeat against Ajax Cape Town.

But something CAN be done about the men who guide our major sports teams: Heyneke Meyer and Ephraim Mashaba. Here's where we begin:

Here’s what Shakes said after Bafana Bafana lost to Mauritania 3-1 in Nouakchott, a result which left the nation on ONE point from two AFCON 2017 qualifiers: “Why should I apologise? I have done nothing wrong. Apology for what? Didn’t this team ever lose? Did the people expect never to lose?”

And here’s what Heyneke Meyer said after the Springboks shock defeat against Japan in their opening Rugby World Cup clash in Brighton on Saturday: "We represent a proud nation and I apologise to the nation. We have got to take it on the chin and get back on track. As coach, I take full responsibility.”

Of course, saying sorry isn’t what it’s all about. South Africans would rather win that hear an apology any day.

And the truth is both our football and rugby national coaches SHOULD resign after a string of poor results with both round and odd-shaped balls.

But nobody in South Africa appears to have the balls to resign when they’ve cocked-up. Meyer and Mashaba will not doubt go on until they are paid-off, taking their lead from the nation’s politicians.

But there are crucial differences between the two failing national coaches, both of whom have broken records for unexpected failure in recent weeks.

Mashaba is NOT expected to beat teams ranked in the top 20 of world football. Japan were ranked 13 in the world of rugby union before their astonishing win over the Boks, probably the greatest shock since William Webb-Ellis handled the ball without a red card in 1823. 

Meyer has the chance to redeem himself against Samoa (12), Scotland (10) and the USA (15) while Mashaba must defeat Cameroon (42) twice, Gambia (142) and Mauritania (114) to qualify for AFCON.

It’s all a bit squiffy of course. Rugby is generally played by former English colonies (yes, parts of France were once British, so was the USA) while football has become the world game despite Webb-Ellis's best efforts.

That’s why, when we consider these disasters for our national games - here we must include the Proteas’ recent failure in Bangladesh - it’s important to consider levels of expectation.

Meyer is under far greater pressure on that front. Pool B of the current Rugby World Cup was considered the easiest of all. Now, having lost to Japan, there are serious concerns that he won’t even get to the quarter-finals. Personally, I think the Boks will make it that far and no further.

While Mashaba has gone off to AFCON and COSAFA and returned without a win, Meyer is expected to live up to the Bok reputation: two World Cup wins and a world ranking of 3 precludes failure to get out of the primordial pools.

Mashaba’s side are currently ranked 72 and sliding. They haven’t won in EIGHT competitive games (unless you count to CHAN qualifiers against mighty Mauritius) and in truth, nobody expects miracles.

We have Angola (88) FOUR TIMES in the coming montha. Two of them for CHAN qualification, then the two massive clashes which will decide which nation goes forward to the World Cup 2018 qualifying groups.

Even if Shakes gets past Angola, he must top the group and then win a play-off to get to Russia. His predecessor Gordon Igesund couldn’t even finish top of their group for Brazil 2014, despite eventual winners Ethiopia being docked points for fielding an ineligible player.

So we expect very little from Mashaba. Just the occasional win over friendly opposition - they go to Central America for to play Costa Rica and Honduras next month - and perhaps the odd Mandela Challenge triumph.

Mashaba can pick who he wants. He can ignore classy George Lebese and Dutch-based Kamohelo Mokotjo while selecting players who are not active for their clubs. He can make poor substitutions and dreadful team-talks for months to come.

But Meyer is firmly in the spotlight. After dozens of “Springbok Farewell” dinners and parades, every move he makes is under scrutiny. For heaven’s sake: he’s picked a 38-year-old fulcrum in Victor Matfield, he only picked eight players of colour and he appears as lost tactically as our old-fashioned Mashaba.

If Meyer wheeled out his son to ask questions in press conference or called our rugby writers "small boys" he'd be gone already. Shakes has no such problems.

What we can be sure of is this: Despite the loud backing of Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula - which doesn’t appear to help - both men are under huge pressure.

If Meyer doesn’t reach the semi-finals of the Rugby World Cup, he’s gone. I’d pull Nick Mallett in from the cold to replace him rather than another dull bore (spell check). If Shakes Mashaba crashes against Angola, he’ll probably survive though Gavin Hunt and Steve Komphela, even Stuart Baxter, would do a far better job.

SAFA’s Dennis Mumble insists Shaky is safe “for two years” which is perhaps the most troubling statement I’ve heard since Steve Komphela said his side have adversity for breakfast.

I say: Do the honourable thing chaps. Heineken Meyer. Shaky Mashaba. Russell Domingone. Apologise when you fail the nation. And resign if you can't turn things around.